HAIRDRESSERS in Wales have been allowed to reopen almost a month earlier than salons in England.
So far, there have been no reports of hirsute English men and women breaking lockdown rules by sneaking across the border for a quick trim or a shampoo and set. Police have dismissed claims that they are patrolling the Severn crossings using dogs trained to sniff out freshly-applied Brylcreem and helicopters with chromatographic beams that can detect newly-tinted hair from two miles away.
Meanwhile, to celebrate the reopening, three enterprising crimpers from Cardiff have formed a barber shop trio called Short, Bach and Sides – and have given TCW an exclusive preview of two songs from their first album . . .
Well-combed in the hillsides
At long last a client’s calling
Salon doorbells chime
Come in again, come in again
We’ll wash out your grease and your grime
We’ll keep you well-combed in the hillsides
We’ll keep you well-combed in the vales
Our curling tongs are once more singeing
Cos we’re back again in Wales
This land of tongs will keep you well-combed
Your pompadour, plaits or pigtails
We’ll brush away each flake of dandruff
Cos we’re back again in Wales.
Men of Hairlech
Men of Hairlech stand ye steady,
Water warm and shampoo ready,
Jones the trimmer, stylist Freddie,
Crimpers to your chairs!
From Colwyn Bay to far Lampeter
Boyos want their thatch done neater
Impress the girlfriend when they meet her
Off with those spare hairs!
Combs are to and fro-ing,
Driers once more blowing,
From Porthcawl to Northop Hall,
Profits up are going
Men of Hairlech, give ’em mullets
Give ’em dreadlocks like Ruud Gullit’s
Tho’ their heads are shaped like bullets
Just say ‘suits you, sir!’
Men of Hairlech ever keener
Use Pantene and Neutrogena
They mend split ends and leave ’em cleaner
Then rub on some Nair
Men of Hairlech, don’t be squirming
If blokes want a tint and perming
They won’t be Welsh, but maybe German
Just curl up and dye
Men of Hairlech, glasses steaming,
Now apply those highlights gleaming,
Onward crimpers, we are dreaming
Fresh hair for every guy!
Scissors are a-snipping
Clients are a-tipping
From Pembroke Dock to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch
The English we are pipping!