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A climate soiree at the BoJo Academy


ADMIRED the world over, the BoJo Academy epitomises the very best that a school can offer. Providing excellence in education, and in no small measure entertainment, it is an institution that has had, like all temples of learning, to adapt to demanding and changing circumstances. Resignations, in-house rivalry, scandals, financial problems, climate change and modern etiquette – not least the thorny issue of gender identity – have all raised their head over the last year. TCWDF presents a selection from the school archives, chronicling a few hectic terms. This article was first published on November 7, 2022.

THE Headmaster’s first few weeks have proved to be far busier and more arduous than expected. Whilst still finding his feet, the demands of headship are unrelenting, and it was with that in mind that he felt unable to spare time to attend the international Schools’ Climate Action Month (SCAM) in Egypt.

Preferring to devote his energies in the direction of the Higher Universities Gender Experiment (HUGE), he was thrilled to learn that these two key academic initiatives will be rolled into one and that in fact he is now able to attend the HUGE SCAM, which started yesterday. It is a bonus that the former Headmaster and his talented wife are making the same pilgrimage.

The recently appointed Chairman of Governors, Mr Charles, who was widely expected to stand in for the Headmaster in Sharm El Sheikh, is staying on site and watching over the school. 

An authority on climate issues gained from his degree in History, Archaeology and Anthropology, he found time to host a pre-conference soiree in Founders’ Hall. Guests enjoyed a glass of Sharma’s Sherry; with its rich overtones of tearful hypocrisy and a lingering trace of codswallop, it was the perfect accompaniment to the finger-food buffet of Thunberg’s melting glacier cheese scones and scorched carrots.

In a well-received address, Mr Charles noted prophetically that we are at a ‘tipping point’ and have only seven years to save the planet.

Invitees included several eminently qualified climatologists such as the local bank manager Mr Bailey, whose field of expertise lies on the transfer of energy from the atmosphere to the surface of the ocean and wave mechanics alongside Ms McCartney, proprietress of ‘Sew and Sew’, the alterations specialist on the High Street, and an acknowledged specialist in the terrestrial carbon cycle of the tropical and temperate zones.

Mr Starmer, Headmaster of Rayner’s Lane Comprehensive and an authority on theoretical physics and chemistry along with Mr Kerry, a distinguished Academic from the Aged Presbyterian School in America, were both voluble in their support.

The Headmaster, with his degree in Politics, Philosophy and Economics supremely qualified to extemporise on global warming, captured the mood of the evening perfectly, by stating that ‘climate change will ravage our planet’. It was a sobering and defining statement.

Mr Jinping at the Chinese State Academy sent apologies in advance for being unable to participate – he is apparently putting the finishing touches to a large mural depicting the Western world flinging itself on to a pyre. Mr Modi from the Indian Technical School had an unbreakable diary obligation to fold some towels.

The successful evening ended in the school’s parched savannah (formerly the rose garden) with the symbolic interment of a ‘time capsule’. Future generations will be mesmerised by the digital recording of Aretha Franklin’s Chain of Fools, a hardback copy of Bernstein’s The Delusions of Crowds: Why people go mad in groups and a homemade fruit cake, hermetically sealed.

Hydrogen-powered carriages ferried the attendees to their various hotels before they joined the 30,000 other concerned individuals arriving by plane in Egypt.

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Alexander McKibbin
Alexander McKibbin
Alexander McKibbin is a retired media executive who worked across domestic and international media.

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