Sunday, November 28, 2021
HomeNewsA load of hyperbolics from Our Leader

A load of hyperbolics from Our Leader

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The latest leaked memo from Downing Street about the forthcoming climate change conference in Glasgow has come into our hands …  

From: The Prime Minister  

To: COP26 organising team  

Re: Draft of my keynote speech  

IN publicising my Net Zero policy recently, I have told the public I see a future Britain as ‘the Saudi Arabia of Wind Power’‘the Qatar of Hydrogen’ and ‘the Klondike of Carbon Capture’. 

I think these witty, positive images of mine have gone down rather well and further memorable quips on those lines would ensure I take the conference by storm.  

So here is a definitive list of the phrases describing Britain that I intend to include in my address …  

The Elysian Fields of Ethanol  

The Happy Hunting Ground of Hydro-Electric  

The Arcadia of AGW  

The Nirvana of Negative Carbon  

The New Jerusalem of Nuclear  

The Shangri-La of Sewage Composters  

The Paradise of Heat Pumps  

The Refuge of Renewables  

The Sanctum of Sustainability

The Home of the Hockey Stick Graph  

The Throne of Thunberg  

The Eden of EVs  

The Sceptr’d Isle of Insulation  

The Broad, Sunlit Uplands of Biomass  

The Promised Land of Polar Bears  

The Utopia of Underfloor Heating  

The Early Grave of Greenhouse Gases  

The Haven from Hypothermia  

The Castle of Carbon Offset  

The Kingdom of the Kyoto Protocol  

The Nemesis of Nutty Slack  

Please note that in the earlier draft I sent, which was distributed around your department, a final item was listed: ‘The Bastion of Climate Bulls**t’.  

This seems to have been added internally and I would appreciate your efforts in finding the culprit.  

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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