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Sunday, April 14, 2024
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HomeNewsA Penny for your votes

A Penny for your votes

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PENNY Mordaunt, the Member of Parliament for Portsmouth North, has thrown her hat into the ring to become the third, and hopefully final, Prime Minister of the year. She tells TCW Defending Freedom about her suitability for the role.

Hi, I’m Penny Mordaunt!

You might remember me from my last failed bid to be your Prime Minister, or from my appearance in a swimsuit in the reality television show Splash.

A key requirement of any great leader is to have the capacity to get along with the movers and shakers in the international community. I am a big supporter of the United Nations Global Goals. Here is a picture of me from 2018 with some of the fabulous people involved with the project.

You can see I am a big fan of the late Jeffrey Epstein’s shipmate, Bill Gates. In the photograph you can see he is having a jolly conversation with a gentleman from Africa, and is probably explaining how his planned vaccines will enhance the lives of those who are fortunate enough to receive them. 

There were a number of other outstanding individuals at the meal. Funnyman Stephen Fry was there. That man is so clever. He told an amusing story about the extremely rare giant moth caterpillar that is to be found on Dartmoor. I had no idea how fascinating caterpillars could be. Stephen has since been a great advocate for encouraging people to receive the wonderful experimental injections. 

Also present was the outstanding diplomat Matthew Rycroft. As you probably know, Matthew is the Permanent Secretary at the Home Office. Haven’t they done a great job finding accommodation for those young men crossing the Channel? Not only that, the police have never been more attentive to the silly people who block our roads. Well done to Matthew and all your crew! ‘Splice the mainbrace’, as we nautical types say.

I was also pleased to bump into Marisa Drew at the lunch. Marisa is very hot on all matters to do with sustainability and is a member of several high-level working groups sponsored by the World Economic Forum.

The movie man Richard Curtis was there. He too is very committed to the health of the environment. In 2010 he produced an amusing film to highlight the dangers of climate change. In several graphic scenes, committed environmental campaigners use a detonator to blow up recalcitrant members of the public, including two schoolchildren. The film was withdrawn after a day. 

Another attendee was the fantastic Mike Bloomberg. He is a great billionaire philanthropist. He has donated large sums to charities that work to end fracking and the use of coal.

Talking of which, the fight against climate change is number 13 (Climate Action) of the 17 Global Goals. A key target is to integrate climate change measures into national policies, strategies and planning. What a great challenge!

I can’t remember what exactly we ate at that meal but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t crickets. We are saving them to help feed the poor people which is part of Goal number 2.

I can’t say I’ll be able to implement all the Global Goals as PM, but watch this space!

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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