Sunday, April 14, 2024
HomeClimate WatchAll aboard HMS Climate Pride!

All aboard HMS Climate Pride!


According to a report in the Telegraph, the Royal Navy is considering making courses on climate change compulsory for all personnel. TCW investigates . . .

ADMIRAL Andrea (formerly Andrew) Thompson has recently given a motivational speech to the crew of the refitted and renamed Type-45 Destroyer, HMS Climate Pride (formerly HMS Dauntless).

‘It is with the greatest of pleasure that I am with you on this historic occasion.

‘One has only to glance at the vessel to realise the true purpose of His Majesty’s Navy. The rainbow colours of the hull will immediately alert haters of our inclusivity that the ship’s company is entirely drawn from the LGBTQA+++ community, whilst the imposing green funnel and sails give an undeniable statement about our fight against our most deadly enemy . . . Climate Change!

‘I am told that with a fair wind Climate Pride can reach an impressive 12 knots, more than enough to intercept a dinghy full of illegal immigrants and usher them safely to the shores of Kent.

‘Earlier I had the opportunity to inspect the new Climate Change Laboratory housed in what was the missile launching area. What greater statement of intent could we give to a world threatened by the devastating impact of searing heat and unprecedented cold? 

‘Make no mistake, HMS Climate Pride is an example to the world, a beacon of hope, and a representation of our true priorities.’

Admiral Andrea was accompanied by Defence Secretary Grant Shapps (formerly Grant V Shapps, Michael Green, Corinne Stockheath and Sebastian Fox). He said: ‘I am delighted to be with the Admiral today and echo everything he, sorry she, has said. Names are important. The renaming of HMS Dauntless tells our foes everything they need to know about our armed forces. Rest assured that the Conservative Government is doing its utmost to protect our nation from bad weather.’

Sergei Kuzhugetovich Shoigu, long-standing Defence Minister of the Russian Federation, released a brief statement: ‘The navy of the Russian Federation is greatly anticipating engaging with HMS Climate Pride during the coming World War Three. We will help them to quickly reduce their carbon emissions to zero.’

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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