TCW Defending Freedom is honoured to publish a further selection of the great and good telling us what they would like to receive as a Christmas gift.
Prince Charles
One is hoping to receive an addition to one’s plant family: perhaps an aloe vera or ficus. One understands aloes are good conversationalists, whilst one has been told that the ficus can relate some good jokes. Last year Camilla bought me a spider plant but it reminds one of a golf club bore who never stops ranting about football and Jeremy Corbyn.
Keir Starmer
I shall be spending Christmas Day working on ways to rebuild the so-called ‘Red Wall’. To that end I am hoping to be given a copy of ‘Hartlepool Tide Times 2016’ and ‘Workington and District Bus Services’.
Boris Johnson
After my excursion to Peppa Pig World I expect to be getting lots of freebies which I shall pass on to my latest children, Thingy 7 and the new one, Thingy 8. Or is it 8 and 9?
Sajid Javid
Sadly I won’t have time to open any presents on Christmas Day this year as I’ll be up early knocking on doors getting the good people of Bromsgrove to visit their nearest vaccination centre. We have several millions of doses that are about to expire and we have to get rid of somehow.
Dame Karren Brady
Get me a pair of handcuffs! The first unvaccinated scum I come across is going to be forcibly restrained and handed over to the appropriate authorities so they can be sent a re-education camp. I’m a proper Karren I am, I’ve got two r’s in my name and I’m really hard.
Ian Hislop
I would like nothing more than a copy of the deluxe edition of The Best of Bernard Manning. I will try anything to be amusing.
Jacinda Ardern
Carrots! Neigh, neigh! More carrots! Neigh, neigh! and turnips! Neigh, neigh!
Matt Hancock
Normally I’d be unwrapping lots of funny little things that my children had made for me at school (sob), but this year (sob) I will look forward to spending quality time with my new love Gina whom I saw knitting a tank top which may well be my surprise present (sob).
Bill Gates
Now that Jeffrey Epstein has tragically passed away and my wife has left me, I don’t think I will be getting any presents. I might buy myself South Dakota, where I can grow some genetically modified soya beans.
Greta Thunberg
Christmas mean nothing, just people buying plastic rubbish made millions of miles away. I plan sunbathing in the Arctic where it is very hot. I hope Bengt remember to buy me more Pokémon.
Joe Biden
Christmas is a special time and I hope to receive the traditional chocolate egg to eat after my Thanksgiving turkey. In honour of the birth of Krishna I might have poppadoms.
