Thursday, December 2, 2021
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Board games that’ll go viral

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FAMILIES are being urged not to play board games indoors during the Christmas break in case they spread coronavirus among themselves. 

Despite the killjoy advice from the Government’s scientific advisory committee, Sage, several new games are predicted to be seasonal best-sellers. They include . . .

Covid Cluedo  

Object of the game: The British economy has been murdered. Can you find out whodunit?  

Suspects: Colonel Bojo, Princess Nut Nut, Mr Hancockup, Mr Moneytree, Mr Barnard-Castle, Professor Whitless.  

Weapons: Dubious statistics, flawed science, scare tactics, off-record briefings, fluttery eyelashes, cronyism, total incompetence.  

Locations: Downing Street, County Durham, Westminster, Applecross campsite, Zoom conference room, La-La Land.  

Method of play: Throw a six to start the game. If you’re being beaten, declare an immediate, indefinite national lockdown and declare yourself the winner under emergency legislation.  

Other board games likely to be Christmas hits are:  

N H Chess

Object of the game: Win an over-priced hospital equipment contract and say, ‘Cheque, mate.’  

Viral Pursuit

Object of the game: Be first to spend £22billion on a useless test-and-trace system.  

Con-opoly

Object of the game: Buy up shops and offices bankrupted or emptied by the lockdown at knockdown prices.  

Undignified Scrabble

Object of the game: Distance yourself from any blame for the Covid shambles by forming the words NOTHING, TO, DO, WITH, ME.  

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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