THE Headmaster has just returned from a whistlestop visit to two of the Academy’s partnership overseas educational establishments. The purpose of the trip was to renew ties and learn of possible initiatives that could benefit the BoJo Academy.
Mr Sunak’s first stop was to see Mr Modi, who has been Principal at the New Delhi High School for almost a decade. Wearing his traditional half-mast trousers, he greeted Mr Modi by pressing his palms together upwards and uttering ‘namaste’ – Hindi for ‘hello’.
After some photographs for the school magazine, the two head teachers retired to Mr Modi’s office to discuss some key topics, notably the huge advances the New Delhi High School’s astronomical Society has made utilising the annual bursary that the BoJo Academy provides to them.
Mr Sunak sat entranced as Mr Modi outlined how, using this grant, they had managed to land their Chandrayaan-3 spacecraft near the moon’s south pole. With other plans well under way for further space exploration, the Headmaster quite naturally asked whether these admirable initiatives were carbon-neutral.
At this point Mr Modi seemed to suffer from a sudden allergy onset, reducing him temporarily to helpless and uncontrollable laughter. When recovered, he recited an ancient Hindi proverb, which the Headmaster’s assistant mistakenly translated as ‘once a fool, always a fool’.
The second part of the Headmaster’s tour was to the Beijing Academy, long noted for its strict approach to discipline and expertise in all things electronic. Sadly, this exciting get-together was overshadowed by the news that at home one of the Beijing Academy exchange pupils had been discovered in the Headmaster’s study photographing sensitive examination documents.
Mr Sunak was quick to make his displeasure known, telling accompanying staff how he intended to give Mr Xi a ‘good dressing down’and that the sanctity of his study was inviolate.
Following strict reverential protocols, Mr Sunak was kept waiting an hour prior to being greeted warmly by his counterpart and shown smartly into a small detention room. Wasting no time in getting down to business, Mr Sunak lamented the ‘spying’ incident and that he was not going to simply ‘sit and take it’.
Promising the Headmaster that he would look into the matter with the utmost seriousness and urgency, Mr Xi suddenly remembered he had an origami lesson to attend and had to cut short their tête-à-tête.
It’s a dog’s life
Some boarders who are early risers, have recently noticed a new arrival to the school staff taking exercise on the playing fields – no, not Ms Coutinho!
The subject in question is in fact Ms Braverman’s new pet dog Satan. We are told that he is an American XL Bully, and that despite his studded leather collar and aggressive demeanour, he is a total softie who likes nothing better than having his tummy tickled!
At just ten months old and already weighing a scale busting 40kg, he looks as though he will be quite a handful when he is fully grown.
Ms Braverman has informed us that she is currently teaching Satan to obey certain key commands such as Sit, Stay and Roll. Currently however, it appears that he has mastered only one such instruction, and that is Attack.
This led to a rather unfortunate encounter last week when Mr Shapps and his platoon were at bayonet practice on the first XV rugby pitch. Having attached a straw man to the uprights crossbar and having ‘fixed bayonets’, Mr Shapps gave the order ‘Attack’.
With hindsight and knowing thatSatanwas off lead, Mr Shapps might have thought twice before issuing his command. The resultant brouhaha led to several boys being bitten, or ‘mauled’, as some witnesses called it.
Fortunately, Matron was on hand to help. After receiving via email what she herself referred to as ‘more snaps than Snappy Snaps get in an unprecedented heatwave’, she was quickly able to refer the injured to the local A&E where they were promptly seen the next week.
We suggest that for the time being, younger boys give Satan a wide berth until he is fully trained.