ROLL up, folks, for Boris’s bargains galore at the Conservative Party’s online shop. https://shop.conservatives.com/shop.html?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=2007&utm_content=top-image

Souvenirs on offer include BackBoris T-shirts (£14.99) and Got Brexit Done badges (£5), Land of Hope and Glory tea towels (a mere 12.99) and Builder’s Tea mugs (£10.99, reduced from £12.99).

However, to keep up with these rapidly changing times, an updated range of merchandise will shortly be for sale . . .

·         A T-shirt of Boris as Wolfie (Citizen) Smith, shouting: ‘Wind Power to the People!’

·         Another saying: ‘My chief adviser went to Barnard Castle and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.’

·         The Rishcloth (a tea towel that wipes away years of economic growth in an instant).

·         A Brino’s Not Really So Bad, Is It? badge.

·         A CD of remastered songs, including Down at the Closed Bull and Bush, No Whisky in the Jar, The Beer With No Pub and There Isn’t a Tavern in the Town.

·         ADVD of the popular comedy show Whitty and Vallance’s Laugh-In.

·         An audio book by SAGE, Tiers Before Bedtime.

·         A pair of cute dolls called Tess and Trace (Caution: May be subject to recall).

·         British Public teacups (they’re making mugs of us).