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Caroline Farrow: The sheer insanity of wanting to be mother and father to your child


If you thought that insisting that removing gendered language from childbirth to accommodate the fantasy that men can give birth was outrageous, then let me introduce you to Fay Purdham.

Miss Purdham, a 27 year-old transgender model, wants to take narcissistic fantasy to its very zenith by aiming to become both the mother and father to a baby. Prior to completing her sex-change, Fay decided to freezesome of her sperm (what else is a girl to do) which she now intends to use in her quest to have a baby.

Of course, there’s a teensy weensy snag in that Mother Nature has cruelly not provided poor Fay with the correct set of equipment to either conceive or carry her own child, the operation only taking care of the external cosmetics, therefore she only has one option open to her. That’s right, set up a Go Fund Me page with the intention of raising £100,000 to pay an egg donor and surrogate!

There really are no words. Just as with those who insist upon distorting and controlling language to impose their delusions of pregnant men upon the rest of us, this would be side-splittingly hilarious, if it wasn’t so deadly serious and potentially tragic.

Wanting to be a person of the opposite sex is one thing. Trying to become quite literally both a mother and a father to a child quite another. In the unlikely event that she succeeds, Miss Purdham cannot beat basic biology. She will not in any biological sense, be a mother to the poor baby who results. She may perhaps see herself as the adoptive mother, but the mother or mothers to the baby will be both the egg donor and the gestational carrier. This is but one side-effect of insidious gender-theory which seeks to blur the differences between male and female. Forget motherhood, all a baby allegedly needs is care from a gender-neutral parent, not necessarily the person who conceived and bore them, and therefore women’s natural and all-encompassing feminity which stems from our sex’s ability to procreate, is reduced to nothing more than a bodily function. One which can be auctioned off to the highest bidder with a mother and baby’s inter-dependency written off and dismissed as an irrelevancy.  It’s why same-sex males couples deliberately separate egg donors and surrogates; it’s a calculated attempt to weaken any sort of maternal ties.

You have to ask yourself what kind of disturbed mentality believes that they are justified in attempting to create a child of which they were both mother and father. It’s the same depraved tyrannical megalomania exhibited by some of the more decadent Roman emperors. One can just imagine Caligula or Nero resorting to such a thing if the technology had been available in first century Rome. Decide the gods have declared you to be a different sex, go about changing yourself and then father a child to which you also lay maternal claim and secure your everlasting fame and succession. It’s not that far removed from wanting to have oneself cloned.

It would be easy to laugh this whole affair off as a freak show, but it’s disturbing in as much as it says much about how attitudes towards children have been transformed for the worse. Has Fay Purdham even stopped to think for a moment how her child may actually feel, having been conceived in such a vulgar and public fashion. Has she begun to even think about the complex psychological burdens that would be being placed upon a child in this bizarre family set-up? Does she even care? Or is it this all about her own desires and needs? Why doesn’t Miss Purdham wish for her male fiance to have any biological involvement? Presumably because that does not make for quite such a good story. Plus she wouldn’t want him stealing her thunder nor her potential for reality stardom. It’s all about ‘want’ and ‘me’. She’ll have a fine old time should they ever split up and she decides to pursue child support if she is legally recognised as both mother and father.

What Miss Purdham is doing is typical of an attitude which holds that children are some sort of human right, a commodity than can be created and destroyed at will, according to the whim of the individual. She wants a baby, so she’ll go out and pay for one, in the same way a woman might pay for IVF? So long as she gets her child, who cares about the knock-on consequences elsewhere, such as the other embryos destroyed in the process, or the women who compromise their health in donating their eggs and wombs?

That she requires £100,000 for surrogacy only demonstrates quite what a tawdry business this is. Presumably that money is so she can go abroad, because in the UK commercial surrogacy is rightly banned, the most that anysurrogate can expect to receive is £15,000 for expenses. Given that GoFundMe have taken down pages of Christians who are facing expensive court battles thanks to their refusal to provide services for same-sex weddings, one has to question the ethics of their keeping this page up. Bear in mind where this money is going to go. Into the coffers of an expensive surrogacy clinic as well as to women  living in poverty who are desperate for cash whose only option is to carry and then give up a baby whom they will never see again.

What on earth is she going to tell this poor child? That they were conceived via a Go Fund Me page? Is this what this heralds the start of? The Go Fund Me generation where we have a whole group of psychologically scarred and damaged children thanks to the actions of their parents.

Welcome to the twenty-first century, where we’re in such a muddle about fertility that almost 200,000 abortions take place every year, millions of pounds is spent on unsuccessful fertility treatment and where scientistspush the boundaries to make the impossible, possible, simply because they can, in order to advance their own personal prestige.  A society where, if we’re not careful, the whole business of childbirth and family is relegated to clickbait and online crowdfunding  campaigns.


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Caroline Farrow
Caroline Farrow
Columnist for the Catholic Universe

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