NOW that the traditional media is fully engaged with the conflict in the Middle East, spare a thought for those who have striven so hard to dominate the news agenda during the past tumultuous three years. Many will find their absence from the limelight difficult as they come to terms with their diminished roles.
Vlod and Vlad
Like me, you were probably regularly baffled at the sight of colourful maps of Eastern Europe adorned with arrows, lines and unpronounceable names.
Now that a more recent conflict looks a better candidate for WW3, attention to the carnage in Ukraine has waned considerably and new maps with arrows, lines and strange names have taken precedence.
Where this leaves Vlod and Vlad is anyone’s guess. Hopefully they will tire of the pointless slaughter and retire to lead miserable lives with their billions on their yachts in the Black Sea and elsewhere.
Sir Christopher Whitty
The police are increasingly worried about the whereabouts of Sir Christopher, or ‘Chris’ as he is better known. Once a family favourite on teatime television with his deadpan delivery, blank eyes and sophisticated slides, Chris has not been seen for several months. There have been alleged sightings of Chris-like creatures in the forests of the Canadian Rockies and in the snow-capped peaks and hidden valleys of deepest Tibet, but none has proved to be the authentic ‘Chris’.
If you happen to come across ‘Chris’, you are advised not to approach him as he is believed to be delusional and may claim he is Napoleon, Mussolini or the Chief Medical Officer.
Electric vehicles
Older readers will remember the time when it was believed that by 2020 everyone would be travelling around in their private plane or harnessed to a jet pack.
The latest transport fantasy to bite the dust concerns motor vehicles. We were told that by the next decade we would find ourselves conveyed in self-driving electric vehicles (EVs) powered by wind turbines and solar panels.
Sadly, it has been clear for some time that EV stands for Exploding Vehicle. To make matters worse, renowned climate scientists have recently discovered that in the United Kingdom it is not always possible to rely on the appearance of the sun. Furthermore, many now believe that wind speeds are variable, and that sometimes there is no wind at all.
Boris Johnson
Who can forget the jolly japes, the amusing anecdotes, and the flippant fibs of our former Prime Minister? For those who have a perverse interest in his bluff and bluster it is possible to read his random thoughts and ramblings in a column he writes for a national newspaper, entitled ‘Bunter’s Banter’.
Johnson is paid handsomely for his musings, recorded by his wife as he tucks into a hearty breakfast of three fried eggs with lashings of toast, beans, vegetarian sausages and waffles.
Anyone who wishes to support the avowed Malthusian’s ever-growing family will be encouraged to donate to a soon-to-be-launched crowdfunding appeal.
Covid-19
It may seem strange but for a long time something referred to as Covid-19 dominated the airwaves. From its humble beginnings in the bustling streets of Wuhan, China, this insignificant little bug inexplicably achieved world notoriety and was implicated in a so-called ‘pandemic’. To try to control its supposed proliferation, several so-called ‘vaccines’ were manufactured to the great financial benefit of those involved.
It is believed that the bug is still a threat in the minds of quite a number of people who, like isolated Japanese soldiers at the end of WW2, still believe they are at war with an imaginary foe.
Poor little Covid-19 is concerned that, like the twins Lockstep and Lockdown, it will now become Damnatio memoriae, erased from history by those who happily introduced a reign of terror to profit from the charade.
