Wednesday, May 29, 2024
HomeStatesideEat your hearts out, fascist Brits … we’ve got Socialism USA!

Eat your hearts out, fascist Brits … we’ve got Socialism USA!


This is the third of Dick Berk’s letters from America explaining to British fascists why the Democrats are the obvious party of choice for the US electorate. You can read his first letter here and his second here.

Dear British people,

Our glorious Democratic National Convention is over: Let it live for ever in social media! Although let me tell you how to think before you watch it. Don’t worry, British people, I will dumb this down for you. 

The most important moral of DNC 2020 is that socialism is coming to America! Drool in envy, Britons! 

It’s your own fault. You voted for a Conservative administration. Yeah, okay, it pretends to be socialist, with its copycat woke signalling, paying people to stay home, running up a public debt larger than the economy, putting social justice before law and order, and deferring to unelected quangos and special advisers. But it’s still conservative in name, and that’s one name too many. 

You had a bona fide socialist in Jeremy Corbyn, but you went for Boris Johnson, just because he promised Brexit. I bet you feel stupid now! (This statement has been evaluated by my university’s allowable speech committee as not ableist. Anyway, it can’t be bigoted when it’s true.)

How stupid? Now you’ve got socialism at home while cutting yourself off from socialism in the EU. What a contradiction! Come America’s election in November, you’ll be cut off from socialism in America too. 

Don’t be fooled by presidential candidate Joe Biden’s avoidance of socialism in his speeches. His job is to appeal to white people, and men, and old people (we all know what fascists they are). 

Joe even appealed to the religious and military veterans. I know how far-fetched that sounds to real socialists among you, but look here: Even the Washington Post gets it. And that newspaper is owned by Jeff Bezos, and he’s the richest man in the world, so he’ll never get accepted to the socialist revolution, however hard he virtue-signals. (Bernie Sanders has repeatedly made this clear). 

So, bear in mind Joe’s real role here. (I am spelling this out for the 50 per cent of you that didn’t go to university.) Joe was chosen to appeal to the people that true socialists should write off.

As he said, this campaign is ‘about winning the heart, and yes, the soul of America’. Just not the mind. Let’s leave the brain out of this. Because otherwise we get unfeeling, soulless conservatives, with all their diversions about ‘reason’ and ‘facts’. 

Here’s more evidence of how much smarter Democratic Party speech writers are: He said that character, compassion, decency, science, and democracy are on the ballot. He’s signalling virtues to both conservatives and socialists. Even democracy is on the ballot! That’s how democratic we democratic socialists are. 

And he said he’s in favour of love, hope, and light. ‘I will be an ally of the light, not the darkness.’ Take that, prince of darkness! 

Lest he appear too male and stale, the Democratic Party has made lots of videos revealing that both his wife and his granddaughters are women. Moreover, his granddaughters aren’t as old as he is. 

He followed up this profound speech with a Tweet, defining American in one word: ‘possibilities’. Yeah! America is like winning the lottery and getting struck by lightning. 

Anyway, now we’ve got past the headliner, we can get back to the majority of the Democratic convention speakers, those who represent the socialist future, but who won’t get watched by median voters (i.e. ambiguous almost-fascists and the fence-sitters who won’t get forgiven come the revolution).

The bridge between old Democrat and new socialist is vice-presidential candidate Kamala Harris. As she said in her speech to the convention: ‘In the streets of Oakland and Berkeley, I got a stroller’s-eye view of people getting into what the great John Lewis called “good trouble”.’

And now America is at an ‘inflection point’. Because everything ‘is the effect of structural racism’. Yeah, everything: ‘Inequities in education and technology, health care and housing, job security and transportation, the injustice in reproductive and maternal healthcare, in the excessive use of force by police, and in our broader criminal justice system.’

Plus Covid. 

If that wasn’t revolutionary enough, the ultimate star is New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez – or AOC as she is celebrified. 

Of course, you fascists are probably judging a woman by her cover. Yeah, you just proved it by noting she’s a woman; I didn’t even notice, because I’m not a bigot. 

AOC is a serious politician, whose gender and looks are irrelevant. Except that she’s beautiful: so beautiful that she gives beauty tips to Vogue magazine. As she says, ‘beauty is political’. Except when you’re judged by your beauty and not your politics: that’s just sexist. You know who you are. 

AOC gave a short statement of solidarity ‘to a mass people’s movement working to establish 21st century social, economic and human rights, including guaranteed healthcare, higher education, living wages and labour rights for all … to recognise and repair the wounds of racial injustice, colonisation, misogyny and homophobia, and to propose and build reimagined systems of immigration and foreign policy that turn away from the violence and xenophobia of our past; a movement that realizes the unsustainable brutality of an economy that rewards explosive inequalities of wealth for the few at the expense of long-term stability’.

Wow! In less than 60 seconds, and with little deference to the colonial power structure that you call grammar, she described America’s ideal future. 

She signed off by endorsing Bernie Sanders for president. Now, some in the fascist media, like that well-known hand of Trump known as NBC News, took her to imply that she still wasn’t completely onboard with Joe. But, as she tweeted, that accusation is motivated by ‘hatred and vitriol’. Her hatred and vitriol was totally justified. 

The fact is: she endorsed Bernie as a procedural matter, as befits a true Democratic nomination, in which the preferred candidate is chosen by the party elite in advance of the convention, and the runner-up is endorsed for cosmetic purposes. 

It’s simple, but conservatives are always too stupid to get it. There they are with their claims to transparency and due process. What a drag!

Come on, British fascists, embrace a new socialist hemisphere from North America to Europe. It’s so much simpler to jump on the bandwagon and let yourself go! You’re halfway there. Just stop pretending that your Conservative Party is conservative. 

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Dick Berk
Dick Berk
Dick Berk is Chancellor of the University of Sunshine Bayside. Dick is also Professor of History. His steadfastness in confronting everything that is wrong about the past earned him tenure without publishing anything, except Tweets (@berk_dick). To read more of Dick Berk’s adventures, see ‘The Dark Side of Sunshine’ by Bruce Oliver Newsome.

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