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Tuesday, April 16, 2024
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Eavesdropping on the eco-loonies

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A dialogue illicitly translated from Euroese into pidgin American using budget AI.

TrueWHO: We have to resort to these code names, I’m afraid, because of the bad press the far-right rotters keep giving us, with no thanks for the benefit we’re tirelessly providing for World Health. So I’m TrueWHO and you’re BooWHO.

BooWHO: Understood, though not very happy with my name. GlueWHO would have suited me better because, let’s face it, my nudging holds us people who really count together. But anyway, about our latest joint enterprise with GreenUniverse. Some of these so-called rebel journalists and their filthy little websites are laughing about our vision of cutting down all the world’s trees to plant wind farms to generate better, longer-lasting power cuts and to sow knockweed and dandelions to make new vaccines for new and improved diseases. The rotters use malinformation, waffling on about how the earth needs its trees to adsorb CO2.

TW: [vaguely} Dandelions? Didn’t we vote those out among other herbs when we designed the WHO’s counter-disinformation initiative against advocating or supplying quinine and ivermectin and such while we were working the covid joke?

BW: Of course we’re not recommending use of any actual curative properties! Quite the reverse, we’re nudging Western governments to award life jail sentences, with hard labour as an added incentive, for that kind of abuse. No. There’s no need to link cause and effect, herb and genuine remedy for illness. Causality is white male science, we remind the punters. The point is that the dandelions and suchlike will take up all the available arable land between the windmills and the battery banks and we just go on to say that the vaccines come from ‘natural sources’. And they will! Just as the covid vaccines came from naturally lab-grown mRNA.

TW: Even so, I wish you wouldn’t be so cavalier about texting these things without using our AI generated code. It’s getting too easy for the rotters to tap into our systems and overhear what we’re saying and typing. Would you believe they’re actually using AI to try to discredit us? Imagine if some wretched website got hold of these texts!

BW: It’s an unjust world. The WHO still hasn’t given me an appropriate pay rise for last month despite all the work I’ve done nudging the Canadian and Scottish governments to penalise rotters who are trying to say that puberty blockers and sex-change surgery are psychologically as well as physically unhealthy. I mean, shouldn’t we be the ones who get to decide what’s healthy and what isn’t? Sometimes I feel like unfriending the Communist Party and quitting my WHO job.

TW: If you quit now, we’ll crucify you without the option.

BW: You’d better not. Any crucifixions have to be approved by the European Hate Advisory Board. They’re still bothered by what happened a couple of thousand years back. Besides which, my long-time affiliations with Sage and Independent Sage give me a lot of insider know-how into the government’s ways of procrastinating. It’ll be a long time before they decide to get rid of me, let me tell you. In any event, I have no intention of leaving, now the 2024 Mid May fun’s about to begin, when the WHO achieves the coup that will eclipse every coup the world has known.

TW: Yes, but just be cautious until then so there aren’t any nasty upsets, like some self-righteous rotter in England saying or doing something that will cause everyone in that unpredictable little vermin-infested country of yours actually to listen, hear and wake up. Remember Brexit!

BW: Uggh. No fear of that! I’ve got the Islam-GBLK-Animal and TransWomen’s joint committee ready to scream Racism, Anyphobia and Multiphobia if any English useless eater gets noisy.

TW: So what’s the great plan, BooWHO, when we’ve achieved the Mid May coup?

BW: Within weeks we will have ensured it is written irreversibly into every Western government’s constitution that anyone disobeying a WHO-certified doctor’s advice on matters such as vaccine, abortion and voluntary euthanasia will be declared a public enemy and liable for lifetime imprisonment, as will any voice spreading malinformation on any health-indirectly-related subject.

TW: Sounds wonderful, Suzie – sorry – code-name GlueWHO. You’ve earned that name! Malinformation – ideas that may be true but are inconvenient in terms of WHO’s method of ameliorating the world’s unfairness. Unfairness to its billionaires’ charities and its major corporations’ interests. Yes. Malinformation is the number one enemy of the people this year! Can you give me a for-instance or two for public relations purposes?

GW: For instance asserting that electric ambulances are dangerous because they might run out of charge while rushing some useless eater to hospital, or even burst into flames, eliminating the entire crew of unnecessary workers in one go. For instance asserting that five-year-olds aren’t able to decide which sex they or their parents ought to be. Need I go on?

TW: Maybe just a couple more. Belt and Braces, as you English quaintly put it.

GW: Asserting that abortions might not be physically or even psychologically life-joy affirming for every woman. Asserting that voluntary suicide may lead to state-mandated involuntary suicides. Listen, code-name TrueWHO. Always remember: at the End of the Day, truth isn’t subjective as we’re getting them to believe. Any old truth won’t do. Only our truth will!

TW: Brilliant! Keep nudging, SueWHO!

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AW Edensdale
AW Edensdale
A W Edensdale has written a linked series of novels that begin with a disreputable Canadian minstrel touring the Rockies in an ancient Ford van and conclude in Derbyshire with Armageddon.

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