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Wednesday, April 17, 2024
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HomeNewsExclusive: Quand Sunak met Macron

Exclusive: Quand Sunak met Macron

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While it was all smiles, handshakes and back-slapping at the recent summit between Prime Minister Sunak and French President Emmanuel Macron, TCWDF has been given a transcript of the pre-press photo call which reveals some stark differences.

RS: Hello Emmanuel, it is a real pleasure to be here in Paris once again, thank you for making time to see me.

EM: Bienvenue, Rishi, call moi Manny, after all, nous sommes amis pour a long time. C’est triste vous arrivez without votre Home Secretary.

RS: Suella couldn’t make it, I’m afraid.

EM: Je ne parle pas de Suella mais the other et plusieurs important Home Secretary Gary Lineker.  J’écoute he is très popular en ce moment?

RS: That’s a matter of conjecture. He has his opinions, and the government have theirs. We need to talk about the refugees though, it is a problem that needs a solution.

EM: Arrêtez right there, mon vieux china.  C’est your problem, pas notre problem. Vous quittez le EU et maintenant vous come here et demandez notre assistance, that’s a blague, n’est-ce pas?

RS: No, it’s not a joke. This issue is a major headache for me at home, and I must be seen to do something if I am to have any chance of winning the next election.

EM: Ha, ha, ha! Vous avez peur de Sir Keir, peut-être? Dans my opinion il est un vrai ami de le EU, aussi he is a man of principles sauf son issue avec le difference entre un homme et une femme! Il a besoin d’une real French woman, après une soirée he would know what’s what.

RS: Could we get back to discussing how we stop so many refugees from crossing the Channel in those dangerous boats?

EM: C’est de your faute. Vous offer trop de goodies in Grand Bretagne. Les quatre étoiles hotels, les tout you can mange buffets, le NHS, les pre-loaded cartes de credit, c’est all too much.

RS: That’s not true, Manny, we have made great efforts to make the UK as unattractive a destination as possible, some UK residents are leaving – it is that bad. We even have over seven million people waiting for operations on the NHS. Simply put, we are running out of money.

EM: Running out of money! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Tirez le autre jambe. J’ai read dans les journals la semaine dernier, you found £2billion extra pour les quatre étoiles hotels, je ne believe pas that you have no money. Vous avez une forêt d’arbres d’argent!

RS: Manny, what can we do to help stop the boats leaving French shores and making their way to the UK?

EM: Ooh, la la, je pense c’est a question of money. Donne-moi £500million et je vais make a big effort. Pour cette somme je vous give cinq cent gendarmes, a beach hut tres grand – nous pouvons appeler a command and control centre, et aussi, as you aimez technology, une drone fantastique. Que dites-vous?

RS: That doesn’t sound like enough to me, is that really going to stop the boats?

EM: Mais oui, comptez sur moi! Pour vous, je lob in a centre de detention aussi, that’s my meilleur offer, prends-le or leave it.

RS: So if I agree to this and migrants still make it to UK shores we can just return them to France without any quibbles?

EM: Avez-vous not been listening?  C’est une question pour le EU pas for moi.

RS: But we are not in the EU.

EM: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Pas actuellement, mais give it time!

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Alexander McKibbin
Alexander McKibbin
Alexander McKibbin is a retired media executive who worked across domestic and international media.

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