Tuesday, May 21, 2024
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For sale, an embarrassment of ditches


BORIS Johnson vowed to die in a ditch over Brexit. He didn’t. But what if you want to live in a ditch? TCW checked with estate agents nationwide yesterday and found there is a surprising number on offer . . .

The Titch Ditch: Cramped, downmarket starter ditch, wall-to-wall mud, hot and cold running rats.

The Semi Ditch-tached: Ditch separated from neighbouring ditch with a sheet of corrugated iron.

The Rich Ditch: Upmarket executive ditch with cardboard box conservatory, duckboard decking and fitted zinc bucket.

The Blitz Ditch: Former wartime slit trench decorated with Vera Lynn pictures. Optional sandbag extension.

The Shoreditch: Pothole in middle of East London road.

The Kitsch Ditch: Ditch filled with ghastly novelty teapots and tacky ceramic figurines.

The Get Ditch Quick: Ditch dug instantly by a JCB.

The Which? Ditch: Ditch approved by the Consumers’ Association.

The Itch Ditch: New owner will need to deal with flea infestation.

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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