Sunday, April 14, 2024
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God save us from the Mad Professors


MY brother did a science degree. My best subjects at school were maths, physics and chemistry (all As). We like science. I feel the need to get that out there before I say the following: Will someone please put the scientists back in their box? I have had enough of the Mad Professors running and ruining our lives. 

There was a time when we managed to get through life without scientists telling us that we should ban board games on Christmas Day and that buying presents could kill you. Professor Susan Michie from University College London: ‘It’s a bit like Russian roulette, we’re all taking a gamble any time we’re putting ourselves into a place where other people are who might be infected.’ 

Even if you contract Covid, the overall infection fatality rate (IFR) is 1 per cent (0.29 per cent or lower if you are younger than 65) whereas if you play Russian roulette with a six-shot revolver the probability of getting a bullet is one in six. If you have shot it five times and it was blank, on the final shot  your mortality rate will be 100 per cent. So, other than that, the analogy holds. (You see how I got all my As?) 

As well as being pro-science, for the sake of efficiency I work with stereotypes. The stereotype of the Mad Professor has come about for a reason. Professors are obsessed, often to the neglect of their families, and perhaps even their health, with fixing whatever problem is in front of them; common sense and empathy, minus zero.I reckon a lot of them are smelly, don’t eat, and are single!

The only thing they care about is their latest science project. Unfortunately for us, this is to figure out how to slow or eliminate the spread of Covid-19. Their sophisticated conclusion is: people are a virus, we must stop them from meeting and spreading. Not sure you need a PhD for that analysis. 

Sadly, however, we are not just talking about scientists neglecting basic body hygiene, their personal lives or the inflated perception of risk they’ve sold to the public. In their attempt to stop the spread of Covid-19 the Mad Professors are willing to sacrifice our civil liberties, our way of life, the lives of others who will die of suicide, despair or cancer. Now they are coming for Christmas. 

The gruesome twosome Whitty and Vallance and the Ayatollahs of Sage do not care about Christmas traditions. I suspect a lot of them are atheists and will consider our attachment to traditions and friends and family as quaint. So it’s no skin off their nose if they cancel Christmas. 

Exhibit number 1: ‘I’m afraid I can’t comprehend the calculation that argues that, faced with an ongoing winter crisis of a lethal virus that’s been destroying our lives and our livelihoods, we need to temporarily suspend the battle for the sake of Christmas,’ says Danny Altmann, a professor of immunology at Imperial College London. ‘I find this simply mind-boggling, and not just as one who is a rational scientist and an atheist.’ 

Of course you can’t comprehend ‘the calculation’ in wanting to see family and friends over Christmas. You are a professor. Now don’t you have a cave to dwell in?   

Anyway, for the last nine months politicians have been able to hide behind the Mad Professors to say the latest evil, immoral lockdown is justified because they are ‘following the science’. It isn’t political – it is scientific, and to oppose it makes you unscientific and therefore unworthy of being listened to. No. To blow up the whole country for a virus that will kill hardly anyone under the heading of ‘elderly’ makes you not just foolish, but evil. 

The last time science was given this exalted status, I reckon, was when the eugenics movement got going. If we can just stop the poor and the imperfect from reproducing, we can improve society exponentially. This belief was pushed by the great and the good, the civilised, the establishment, the cultured and no doubt the scientists. Why, it was science itself and if you didn’t get on board, if you let your quaint traditions of valuing every life equally and honouring the sanctity of life, you were an ignorant fool. This is what the scientists, and those who used them to push their evil political ideas, would have said.  

Science explains the world around us, but it cannot tell us how to live in that world. It cannot tell us what to value and what to discard. Only the human heart and soul can do that. So enough of the Mad Professors and their mad advice. And enough of the politicians hiding behind their grim predictions to justify their evil Covid-fascist state.  

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