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HomeCulture WarsGreta’s diary: I stand with Gaza. Hope he stays sober

Greta’s diary: I stand with Gaza. Hope he stays sober

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TCW Defending Freedom has once again been given exclusive access to the diary of Global Boiling wunderkind Greta Thunberg. In this extract she records her recent visit to London.

Saturday 

I am watching the new Barbie film on my iPhone when Papa calls me. ‘Greta, you become lazy. It is time to refresh the brand.’ I do not know what this means but he hands me ticket to London and list of things to do. I leave for London.

Sunday

I travel to London.

Monday

I arrive in London. I use train and boat and electric scooter to save the world. I check my list. On top is word, ‘Gaza’, I check on Google.

I pose for photographs with others concerned about Gaza. I hold up a sign and show toy blue octopus. Sign say ‘I stand with Gaza’. I check about Gaza. He has had hard times since leaving football. I hope my sign helps him to stay sober and be happy. Perhaps I send him the octopus.

Tuesday 

Next on list is Vaccine. I am to remind people to get vaccines to stay healthy. I understand that I have given someone 100,000 euros to help inject poor people with this vaccine. Papa says it is completely unethical not to inject the poor people and ‘we must step up our game’. I do not know what game we play but I hope the gift has improved health of poor people and made them happy.

For afternoon my list says ‘Trans’. Am I a woman? I do not know. Papa says I must tell press that I may have to change to a man so I am not forgotten. I am not so sure. I would be called Gerdt. My boyfriend Bendt might not want a boyfriend. 

I am told that Gaza is not a football man. It is a hot place somewhere I think in Africa.

Wednesday 

Today I must be arrested. Soon I am taken by police at a demonstration for penguins, polar bears or maybe dolphins. For long time penguins have completely disappeared from the Arctic. Are penguins birds or fish? I think I missed that lesson during my Skolstrekj for Klimatet.

Papa pleased to see I am arrested. I pose for photographs with the police. They take me to a room and give me pickled herring. I say I am a vegan. They bring fruit. After asking for my autograph they apologise and take me back to big hotel. 

Thursday 

I have to try to find a Pride demonstration or one for BLM but I am told it is not the season. I am sad because rainbows include some of my favourite colours. Instead I join another Gaza demonstration. There are lots of angry men who are shouting that Gaza is too hot. Unfortunately I do not get arrested or have photograph taken. Angry man says I must hide my rainbow scarf. The angry men must not like colours.

Papa says I must be seen with important person in politics. I ring King. A woman says he is busy. I try men called Sunak and Khan. Women say no. Desperate, I try strange man I once met called Gove. He replies, ‘I’m afraid it is not possible to meet at the mo. As an election is near we need to step back from the green guff and eco loons. Soz. Michael.’ 

I go to hotel to read draft of new book that Papa writes for me, ‘How to win awards and manipulate people’. He says it will make us another million Krone.

Friday 

I come to demonstration in support of Vlod and the terrible carbon emissions in Ukraine. I come with red white and blue scarf. I checked on Google but am told I have wrong Vlod but someone gives me a yellow and blue scarf. Why are there so many Vlods? Papa not happy that I mix my Vlods, but have photo taken with correct colours.

At end of busy week, the list nearly finished. I try to get on BBC. I contact good presenter called Huw Edwards. There is no reply.

I get electric scooter to start returning to Stockholm. 

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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