Thursday, June 13, 2024
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I Believe: Credo for the woke new world


DANNY was alone in his study. He’d been watching Matt Walsh’s documentary What is a Woman? and reading articles about the Farage Coutts farago in the Daily Telegraph; he’d considered moving on to TCW Defending Freedom and the Daily Sceptic; then he remembered he’d watched several episodes on the Mark Steyn website the night before, followed by videos on YouTube of songs by Dominic Frisby and performances by Titania Gethsemane McGrath. He regularly watched GB News.

Danny stood up. Enough. It must end. He was married to a cis-woman and had three fully binary grown-up children; he was white and middle-aged. He paid taxes and never received benefits. He used a gas boiler and a petrol car. So he knew he might be a target. He couldn’t take these risks any more.

He logged on to his LinkedIn profile. He wrote: ‘To the banks who hold my money; to the insurers who insure my life; to the water company that waters me; to the supermarkets that feed me; to the garages that sell cars to me; to the petrol stations that sell fuel to me; to the gas and electricity companies that power my home; to the schools that educate my grandchildren; to my NHS surgery and the local hospitals; to the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Pope:

To them all, I say the following New Credo:

‘I believe in the Climate Emergency; I believe in the need to achieve Net Zero by last week; I believe a woman can have a penis; I believe that misgendering is a crime tantamount to GBH; I believe in the Glory, Majesty, Honour and Dignity of the Glorious European Union; I believe that the Rebel Region formerly known as England must be punished; I believe in the perfect Safety and Effectiveness of Our Vaccines; I believe that lockdowns and masks save lives; I believe that the Barrington Declaration was the work of the Devil; I believe that Ukraine is perfect and that Russia is all-evil; I believe that mass unlimited immigration into Britain is necessary to defeat the White Heteronormative Cis-Male Supremacy; I believe totally in LTNs and Ulezes, which should be everywhere; I believe that TERFs must be punched properly; I believe that university students need to be shielded from Bad Ideas; I believe that slavery didn’t exist until America started it; I believe that people who’ve never owned slaves must pay money to people who’ve never been slaves; I believe that unelected judges and definitely not elected politicians should be the final arbiters of public policy; I believe that Just Stop Oil should be able to lie down in the street and prevent people getting to hospital while being delivered coffee and croissants by the Met; and most of all, I believe that Trump is Bad and Biden is Good. I promise to atone for all past sins committed by me, or any other White Cis-Male Heterosexual Boomer.’

He looked carefully at it. It was time to post it. With any luck, he and his family would be Saved.

He pressed Send.

He allowed himself a brief moment to rejoice. It was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself.

During the coming weeks, all over social media and in every place of worship, and in every legislature, workplace and sports ground, the New Credo was sung. By everyone, with tears flowing. They all understood. They all knew. They all Believed.

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Danny Roberts
Danny Roberts
Danny Roberts, a former City professional, is the author of The Belief Gene, a political thriller for Euro-sceptics.

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