Saturday, April 10, 2021
HomeNewsIf you’re an oik, the BBC needs you

If you’re an oik, the BBC needs you

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AS PART of the BBC’s ‘diversity drive’, director general Tim Davie has announced that the Corporation is to set targets for the number of members of the working class that it employs, as reported here and here.

The Conservative Woman understands that a committee headed by the Diversity Drive Directorate Director was tasked to implement the strategy. This committee then set up a series of sub-committees involving consultants from several high-profile international consultancies. Their recommendation will lead to the creation of a number of new roles at the Corporation based on their understanding of the British working class. The first is advertised below:

Job Title: 

Working Class Diversity Officers (WCDO Grade One)

Responsibilities: 

To increase the quota of BBC employees from the working class

Qualifications: 

The positions are not open to those with academic qualifications 

Preference will be given to those who refused to attend school or who were expelled

Candidates must have had extensive experience of social housing, local authority care homes, young offenders’ institutions etc

Criminal records need not be divulged 

A dependence on drugs or alcohol is preferred

The inability to speak in a way that is understood by people from Surrey 

Essential Characteristics Required:

A BMI rate in excess of 30

Extensive tattoos

A minimum of four visible piercings 

Desired Characteristics:

Facial scars resulting from gang warfare

Ownership of an aggressive cross-bred dog

Dress Code:

It is unlikely that the successful applicants will need to mix with other BBC staff, but on the rare occasions that they do they will be required to wear hoodies, fake Burberry scarves, Lacoste T-shirts, Adidas track suit bottoms and Nike trainers.

Remunerations and Rewards:

Salary £50,000 rising to £100,000 based on underperformance

£100 Primark Voucher each month

Subscriptions to Sky, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Disney Plus

Choice of car from:

Subaru Impreza

Ford Focus RS

Vauxhall Corsa

Flexible Working:

These positions are ideally suited to those working from home, caravan or prison

Additional Information:

The BBC prides itself on its understanding of contemporary Britain.

To fulfil our mission, we need people working here who represent and reflect the diversity of everyone in the UK.

For us, diversity isn’t a strategy; it’s an essential part of who we are.

Help us Make the Moments that Matter

This information is available in 347 languages including Old Aramaic, Latin, Phoenicio-Punic, Ancient Nubian and Attic Greek.

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John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is the co-author of Steam Dreams and other interesting stories. He has generously donated his vaccine to the people of France. John is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood.

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