Friday, April 19, 2024
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I’m rich (again)


I HAD always assumed that the emails one receives, usually from Nigeria, offering a share in a multi-million-pound fortune on condition of supplying one’s bank details were the product of some automated scam machine.

Yesterday I received the following email:


My name is Mr.Patrick Joseph, a  Head of Operations with Adb Bank here

in Burkina Faso West Africa. I have packaged a financial transaction

that will benefit both of us, which involves Five Million Seven

Hundred and Fifty Thousand dollar $5,750.000.00. After you have been

made the next of kin of the fund,we shall share in the ratio 50% for

me, 45% for you and 5% will be used to pay back expenses incurred from

both ends in the process of the transfer to your account.

If you accept this offer to work with me i will give you details on

how we can achieve it successfully.


Mr.Patrick Joseph.

I replied: Sorry, that’s not enough. I want 55%.

Amazingly, this came back within a few minutes.

My good friend,

I just received your mail and I was surprised about what you said that 45% not enough for you and you want 55% percent. At this junction, I want you to understanding that i am the mantra of this transaction do you understand that,I want you to take 45% why 50% will be my as the mantra of this transaction, why 5% will be used to pay back expenses incurred in the process of the transfer.

My dear, what you and i need in this deal is the truth. If we are sincere, this business will be executed and nobody will hear about it. It is God’s gift and we will pick it in plater of Gold.

Kindly feel free and indicate your interest to me.


Mr.Patrick Joseph.

Full marks, if not for grammar, then for chutzpah. And don’t any of you dare to cut in on my deal. Champagne baths here we come.

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Alan Ashworth
Alan Ashworth
Alan Ashworth is a former national newspaper journalist now retreated to the Ribble Valley, where he grows cacti and tramps the fells. He and his wife Margaret run a website, A-M Records , which includes their collected TCW columns plus extra features including Tracks of the Day. Requests, queries and comments can be sent to

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