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HomeNewsIt’s easy being green – and here’s how

It’s easy being green – and here’s how


WHY do we keep fighting the demand for green ‘solutions’? We can no more resist these waves than could King Cnut.

Why not, instead, cater for this need in exchange for votes?

As the lawyers say, if God gives you lemons, get legal aid.

It can’t be that hard. For example, we can be green simply by consuming less.

LED lights, for example, use far less power. Why not pass a law that all Lib Dem, Labour and Remainiac voters have to replace all the lights in all their houses and businesses with LED bulbs?

Start with a law that says everyone has to do this. Then, using EU Directive-style chicanery, offer exemptions to certain sections of ‘the community’. That’s what the EU does, so everyone’s happy.

Data centres (which do all the computing for all our online activity) consume 11 per cent of national power. That figure is rising. The management are obsessive about cooling all the computers/servers in their racks and spend a fortune on power-hungry chillers. Some experts say they over-chill the data halls and that most CPUs these days are much more tolerant of higher temperatures. We could allow the ambient temperature to rise a bit, and save Gigawatts by not using the CRAC units so much.

Or better still . . .

Why not pass a law that all Green voters have to spend one day a week in a data centre blowing on the servers to stop them over- heating? Again, this law would compel everyone to spend a day huffing and fanning in the data centre gulag, but there would be a directive to allow exemptions for most of us.

Here’s the biggie. If we took all the recycling lorries off the road it would save the country £6billion (someone at worked it out). How would we do that?

Consolidation. Have only one collection, instead of five separate ones. When all the unsorted rubbish comes into the depot, we could employ prisoners on day release to pick out the recyclable stuff. It’s a good deal for them as it gets them out of their cells for a day. If a prisoner does a really good job of plastic bottle retrieving, he might get some privileges, like a day off his sentence or an audience with Mr Nasty, the criminal mastermind who really runs the place.

Plastic bottles can be converted by pyrolysis machines back into the petrochemicals ingredients that were used to make them. This is the dream ticket: a machine that eats pollution and excretes petrol!

Funnily enough, Heru makes a family-sized unit for £19,999. I’m sure it could make an industrial-scale one for each local council. It would pay for itself many times over by creating petroleum, warming homes as a by-product of heat released from the pyrolysis reaction, removing plastic pollution, saving on the need for recycling lorries, thereby cutting road congestion, cutting air pollution, creating jobs . . .

Don’t fight the green movement. Use it to your advantage.

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Nick Booth
Nick Booth
Nick Booth is a freelance writer.

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