Alien: Greetings, Earthling! I have come to kidnap you and take you on board my spaceship, where we’ll subject you to a number of reckless and life-threatening experiments.
Me: You’re too late, I’m afraid. Big Pharma got in there first.
Alien: You what?!
Me: We’re being subjected to the mass roll-out of an experimental injection which hasn’t even completed its safety trials yet.
Alien: Well, if it’s only happened once we may be able to work around that.
Me: No such luck. We’re currently on round three.
Alien: THREE rounds of injections? Over a virus with a low fatality rate?
ME: Three so far, yes. It would appear the business model is to inject us every few months until we either keel over and die, or take to the streets and protest, like they’re currently doing in Ottawa.
Alien: So the inoculations don’t work then?
Me: Of course not. If they did, we’d only need one injection. But where’s the profit for Big Pharma in that?
Alien: At least the business model is in good health. Are the injections safe?
Me: Not really, no. According to the Government’s own Yellow Card reporting system, nearly 2,000 people have died in the UK so far and there have been almost a million and a half side effects. In the past, experimental roll-outs have usually been stopped after 50 deaths or so. Two thousand fatalities is 40 times that amount.
Alien: How did they get you to take it?
Me: They locked us up for over a year. Then they threatened to permanently remove our civil liberties and freedoms, such as travel, access to healthcare, or the ability to work, unless we took the jab. Pfizer also claimed their product was 95 per cent effective.
Alien: And is it?
Me: That’s the ‘relative risk reduction’. In the Pfizer trials, there were a minuscule 8 (possibly false) positive test results among the 18,198 people who received the inoculation, as opposed to a still very tiny 162 (possibly false) positive test results among the 18,325 people in the placebo group. As a percentage, the relative risk reduction is calculated as 162 minus 8 divided by 162 multiplied by 100 = 95 per cent.
Alien: Those calculations are a bit convoluted! But I think I just about follow. Is the relative risk reduction accurate and reliable?
Me: No. It is known to be a misleading number, which seems to be why health agencies recommend it and why they avoid using the ‘absolute risk reduction’ calculation that others have pointed out. This is calculated as follows: For the placebo group, the figure is 162 divided by 18,325 multiplied by 100 = 0.88 per cent. For the inoculated group the figure is 8 divided by 18,198 multiplied by 100 = 0.04 per cent. The relative risk reduction is 0.88 minus 0.04, which equals 0.84 per cent. Et voila! The injections offer less than 1 per cent protection.
Alien: And you’re being encouraged to take three of them because they’re so ridiculously ineffective! Big Pharma must be laughing all the way to the bank. How have they made you accept all this?
Me: They’re calling it the new normal.
Alien: The new abnormal, more like.
Me: Or indeed the new jab-normal.
Alien: And are the injections safe?
Me: They’re not good for your heart, no. Myocarditis, inflammation of the heart muscle, which as far as I can tell has not been connected with the virus, is springing up all over the place. Football players and athletes, including Sergio Agüero and Christian Eriksen, have been dropping like flies. Spectators have also frequently collapsed during matches. More seriously, deaths on the football pitch far exceed all previous records. In 2020, three footballers died on the pitch whereas in 2021, the fatality rate was seven times higher.
Alien: So 21 footballers died mid-play in the year 2021. What a spooky coincidence! And how has the media covered this?
Me: The mainstream media hasn’t covered it at all. Instead they’ve covered it up.
Alien: How do you Earthlings refer to the jabs?
Me: They’re often called clot shots.
Alien: Is that because they coagulate the blood and clog up your veins?
Me: That’s one of the reasons, yes.
Alien: What’s the other reason?
Me: Well, you’d have to be a bloody idiot to take one.
Alien: What do you say to those who claim that it’s only a little prick?
Me: I’d use exactly the same term to describe the bastards who are behind all this.
Alien: And are there any slogans that the government is promoting?
Me: As it happens, yes. They’re saying: ‘Nobody’s safe until everybody’s safe.’
Alien: But this is the most unreliable and untested mass medical intervention in human history! I think I could shorten that for you.
Me: How do you mean?
Alien: Well, how about: Nobody’s safe.
Me: Good point. Gulp. Any chance we can get to Florida? No passports, no mandates, no child experimentation. It seems like the place to be.
Alien: Nannoo Nannoo! Or should that be Jabboo Jabboo?!?
Both: We’re off.
Editor’s note: Updated now to correct relative and absolute risk reduction.