Sunday, May 26, 2024
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Johnson scraps Net Zero for Net Tea-ro  


DELIGHTED scientists have revealed that Britain’s leading experimental nuclear fusion reactor has set a new record for generating electricity. 

The Joint European Torus machine (JET), based outside Oxford, simulates the process that takes place inside the sun, releasing vast amounts of energy by fusing hydrogen nuclei.   

A total of 59 megajoules of power was achieved in the record-breaking session – enough only to boil about 60 kettles of water. But it has boosted hopes of one day achieving clean, limitless energy on a nationwide scale.  

However, TCW Defending Freedom understands that Boris Johnson was so thrilled when told of the results at JET – which cost around £300million to build in 1984 – that he is now preparing to scrap his controversial Net Zero policy.  

Instead, he has formulated a new plan which he claims will make Britain the world leader in carbon-free energy. The scheme is in its early stages, but this is the schedule so far …  

1. Switch on the fusion reactor.  

2. Wait till it warms up.  

3. Boil 60 kettles and make cups of tea for the leading JET boffins.  

4. Sit them down with a nice cuppa and a plate of Garibaldis and get them chatting among themselves.  

5. Hope they come up with some ideas for making Britain the world leader in carbon-free energy.  

Last night, however, it was reported that the project has been delayed while the scientists hold a thermodynamics symposium to decide whether the tea or the milk goes into the cup first.  

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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