Julie Lynn: A male PM would have been on his bike by now

Would the wounded PM be allowed to carry on now if she were a man?

It’s not a comfortable question. As with many uncomfortable questions, however, it is worth asking. Theresa May’s party conference speech last Wednesday was looked to by supporters both in the hall at Manchester and across the country as a morale-boosting, galvanising rallying cry. It wasn’t to be. Most people would have heard afterwards about the unhappy event rather than watching it live. Some of us, though, were there in real time and would share the view of Tom Newton Dunn, political editor of the Sun, that it was probably the longest 66 minutes of our lives. First there was the hilarious and politically impartial clown Simon Brodkin (aka Lee Nelson) who will doubtless soon have much more work piling in from the BBC, then there was The Cough, and finally there was the forlorn disintegration of the set behind her.

It was The Cough that made it excruciating. You’d need a heart of stone not to have felt for her. Conservatives were willing her to get through it and even non-supporters must have experienced more than a pang of sympathy for a completely relatable human (minor?) ordeal. Most of us have been there. It’s often at the tail end of a cold, when you’re over the worst, but the throat is still a bit ticklish, a bit weak, a bit dry, needing a bit of clearing from time to time. If you’re going to get one of those moments, you also know it is going to happen when you least want it to, in a situation where you are either speaking in full flow, perhaps to someone on the phone, to one or two people face to face, or even to a small audience. Or it will happen when you are very much not speaking and when you and everybody else is silent, and the silence is deeper than anything the universe has ever known. That’s when you start to wonder if you have a lozenge anywhere. A Locket in a pocket. Or anyone else’s pocket for that matter. Because you’re desperate. You’re already halfway through the fifteen-second warning. Most times you can flee and have two minutes out for a doubled-up, mascara-flushing meltdown. Should you be wearing mascara.



On some nightmare occasions, however, you are just stuck. Years ago I was in the front row of a small, packed London theatre when The Cough ensnared me. Bill Nighy was inches away in the most dramatically charged, silent part of the play and I was convulsed, doubled up in the seat before him, in my own terrible and possibly mortal showdown with The Cough. It was like doing battle with Grendel’s Mother. I was barely able to breathe, but determined to keep The Cough in, to contain it, disarm it, determined not to disgrace myself by ruining the play that nobody had expected to be able to get tickets for. By the time I looked up the play was over and the auditorium empty. That’s how long it seemed.

It won’t have been as long as it was for Theresa May though. Nightmare. Complete nightmare. Should she have held up her hand, spluttered `Back in a moment’ as she dashed off stage to get down a good gulp of water and really recover? It’s hard to feel that this wouldn’t have looked as bad as what actually took place. It would certainly have brought more alarm to the already alarmed faces of government ministers. It was a tough one. To be fair to her, if she showed anything, it was certainly a kind of toughness, a dogged resilience with something that she couldn’t help. Many of us know that definitely took some doing to carry on.

The thing is, though, if a man had been in that situation, where his much-heralded leader’s speech had been undermined by a persistent and almost debilitating cough, and a female Cabinet minister had had to pop up on stage to proffer a couple of Tunes, would he still be in place now? The Prime Minister’s last few days have been difficult ones, in spite of reassurances to all of us from those keen to close ranks and support her. There was talk of a coup, there was talk of men in grey suits paying her a visit to say this could not be allowed to continue, there were Grant Shapps and Ed Vaizey. For now, for better or worse, the PM remains in place. It’s tricky, though, to quell the suspicion that the protectiveness we have seen towards Theresa May might not have been there for a male leader. A man trying to lead his party through turbulent waters but not being able to make his message properly heard because of a persistent cough and creaky voice would probably not have survived. He would have been despatched. He would have had to go. We need to ponder how we feel about female leaders not being treated with parallel ‘ruthlessness’. Is it progress? Is it really good for women? Or is it just patronising and means that all that has happened is that we have double standards? All equalities are equal but some equalities are more equal than others.

Is that kind of a cough anyway more of a Woman Thing than a man's? Who knows? That kind of territory is getting unexplorable.

Julie Lynn

  • There was no excuse for The Cough. Every professional speaker I have heard comment on this has said that an anaesthetic throat spray is available that allows clear speech for up to a couple of hours. I find it hard to believe this was available to the Prime Minister.

    • Thomtids

      Mrs May’s voice failure had nothing to do with a cough. As is audibly clear, she was deliberately using the lower register of her voice to give it gravitas and to avoid the screechy sound she makes when panic sets in. As any amateur singer will tell you, the strain sets up rapid inflammation in the chords, destroying the timbre of the voice and, usually, flooding them with mucous to try to restore their functionality.
      Not a cough, no sympathy. Crap advisers as usual.

      • CRSM

        Does she suffer from stage fright? Surely not by now.

        • Thomtids

          You only need to listen to her voice when she is unrehearsed and under stress. The throat is tight and there is a “fingernails on blackboard” edge to a higher tonal pitch.
          When she is delivering a prepared speech, she tries to pitch in her lower register to remove the screech and give the voice a smoother delivery. Unfortunately it takes years of voice coaching and dozens of hours per week singing practice to develop the “Imposto” combination of diaphragm, chest, larynx and head tones working together to produce a consistent, reliable sound at every note of one’s range. Mrs May hasn’t got it and will go on suffering voice failures by using an abnormal (for her) pitch.

    • Superlobster

      She should have seen a doctor about the cough, but then again, have you tried getting an appointment with your doctor recently.

      • I’m sure the Prime Minister has better access to a doctor than me.

  • The Duke of Umberland, England

    ‘Same sex marriage on the statute book, so that two people who love each other can get married, no matter what their gender’.

    Prime Minister, Theresa May (Conservative Party Conference, Manchester, October 2017)

    ‘MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN’

    God (King Belshazzar’s Palace Feast, Babylon, 539 BC)

    • Bik Byro

      …aaaand here we go with the first predictable post about gay marriage, regardless of what the original topic was.

      You’re obsessed. Get help.

      • The Duke of Umberland, England

        Homosexual ‘marriage’ is a legal fiction.

        • Bik Byro

          This topic is about Theresa May coughing during a speech. You’re obsessed with homosexual marriage to the point of mental illness. You need psychiatric help.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            You really are becoming a nuisance on this site.

          • Bik Byro

            Good. If I’m a nuisance to you then I’m doing it right.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            The other day you insulted Tricia and D. Richards. Neither of them had insulted you.

          • Bik Byro

            If I’m insulting people like them then I’m doing it right as well.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            It’s not ‘If’ – it’s clear to all you are.

          • Bik Byro

            Splendid.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            It is not something to congratulate yourself with – it is something to be ashamed off.

          • Bik Byro

            I don’t come here to make friends with people with sick bigoted views like you. Once you’ve got that into your pea sized brain we might get somewhere.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            Presumably, you do want to be respected?

          • Bik Byro

            Couldn’t care less, frankly.

          • Superlobster

            Give it up, umberland, you’ve lost this one. Bik’s right, you come on here every day and no matter what the topic of conversation is you tediously bang on about your favourite obsession regardless.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            ‘This was nothing to do with the cough.’

            Good show, old boy.

  • TheRightToArmBears

    Theresa May is Edward Heath reincarnated, humourless, asexual, selfish, unprincipled, and devoted to the EU.

    • Busy Mum

      Maybe the after-life is ahead of the earthlings when it comes to sex-change….

  • Bik Byro

    It was nothing to do with the cough. If it had been an absolutely barnstorming speech laying into labour, highlighting Jeremy Corbyn’s lies, and promising a fantastic vision of Britain under a Conservative government, the cough would not have mattered one bit.

    • The Duke of Umberland, England

      ‘This topic is about Theresa May coughing during a speech.’

      Good show, old boy.

  • Sean Toddington

    I think too much is made of the cough. For me the prankster was really shocking. Whatever you think of Mrs May, she is PM. That they managed to allow someone to blag their way into conference with presumably bogus credentials and to get to within feet of the PM speaks of staggering incompetence.

  • The reason that she hasn’t been replaced is, I suspect, due to the fact that there is no-one any better to replace her. Are there any real conviction politicians left in the Conservative Party? I can’t think of any; if there are, they are obviously not well known enough to get the job.

    • Gary Laconic Jr.

      Yesterday I posted this same link under the article, “What’s the point of the Conservative Party?” But it serves equally well as a response to your question, “Are there any real conviction politicians left in the Conservative Party?”

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKe4X9czItI

      A sublime exposition of what should be core Conservative values. Compare and contrast such majesty to what we hear from the ninnies currently running the show.

      • I’d agree with you, but who is going to listen to that at length? The attention span of so many is limited to the length of, say, a Twitter message of a few hundred characters.

  • Suze Burtenshaw

    No, she wouldn’t have been binned off by now if she’d been a man, the simple reason being she is there to do a job – bugger up Brexit. Man, woman, makes no odds. Brexit is to be thwarted. If she were a banker she’d be accruing a jolly nice bonus for all the hard work she’s put into it.