Have you noticed that Left-wingers’ children always say the profoundest things? Luckily, their parents are quick to share them with the world.

My Left-wing friend said his five-year-old looked up at him and said: ‘Daddy, why does the Russian government want to prop up a patriarchal hegemony by interfering in the US elections with confected narratives that appeal to the base emotions of the disenfranchised white working class? Why would anyone do that, dad, why?’ My socialist friend said he had no answer. But he was truly humbled by the wisdom of his child. Yes, humbled.

So, like all people who have just been debased, humiliated and generally made to feel less important, he immediately took to social media to describe the experience to his followers.

His story retweeted itself, along with the appropriate emojis. First as ‘tragedy face’, then as ‘farce’.

In response, his legions of Netbot followers went crazy. (You can’t make it in social media without automated retweeters. It’s not immoral, as long as they’re Left-wing Netbots. Everything is justified if you’re ‘fighting fascism’. Misogyny, sheep bothering, bullying. They’re all ok as long as you’re carrying a ‘Fighting Fascism’ card. Dammit, you can adopt the Big Lie tactics pioneered by the Third Reich, as many BBC ‘news satire’ programmes do to attack Donald Trump.

(When this ‘fighting fascism with fascism’ anomaly was pointed out to one of its writers, I was told it was a legitimate tactic to ‘win the narrative’, or something. I’ll have to go through my tweets to find the exact phrase he used. Still, what a load of Goebellers).

Back to the humble bragging. In response to this machine-generated Twitter storm, one of my Left-wing friend’s human followers issued a competitive offering of child genius.

Azza Woman – seemingly a global representative for the voice of feminity – has a similarly precocious North London child. And ‘As a Woman’, she felt it important to compete with the male humble bragger. Now that humility has been weaponised by the Left, modesty is a dog-eat-dog world. When you walk into a meeting, a corporate empathy leader told me, you’ve gotta be the humblest guy in the room.

Azza Woman, whose Twitter profile lists her virtues as mother, partner, activist, freedom fighter, Socialist, corporate empathy guru and brand alignment strategist, had a competitive humbling experience involving her daughter. Four-year-old Primrose asked: ‘Mummy, why do the Tories want to resist all progress? Are they driven by an unconscious desire to take us back to an age when they felt more comfortable? How can we make them realise that those conditions could never be recreated and the world must move? How do we educate them, mummy? How, mummy, how?’

Azza Woman sobbed as she typed these words into her tweet, more in sorrow than in anger. That’s a race to the bottom. When they go low, Azza Woman goes high.

Soon other children of the Left were taking to social media, with the help of their parents, and sharing their insights into the human condition. Emma Luvvie’s children (rumoured to be privately tutored in social media insights at the Condescentii School of Moral Grandstanding) shared some very poignant messages that would help put everything into perspective.

‘In a way, Harvey Weinstein is a victim too – of the patriarchy,’ her gender-fluid six-year-old, Oxytocia, had told her in the kitchen, adding: ‘When I grow up, I want to find a cure for toxic masculinity.’

‘So, I’m #ReallyProud,’ tweeted Luvvie. And needless to say: #Humbled.