Monday, May 20, 2024
HomeCulture WarLaura Perrins: A feminist solution to the gender ‘pay gap’. Abolish mothers

Laura Perrins: A feminist solution to the gender ‘pay gap’. Abolish mothers


Monday, my Twitter feed tells me, was Equal Pay Day. This is where feminists spread the myth that women are discriminated against at work.

Feminists use the term ‘wage gap’ when comparing men’s pay to women’s pay because there is little evidence of actual discrimination (although I am sure there are still pockets of it). Feminists tell their fellow sisters that they work for free from now until the end of the year. Grown women actually believe this hokum.

There is a witty poster out there that says – “Women – like men only cheaper”. And that is the point.

If companies are really paying men more for the same work as woman, and these men really add no extra value, then these companies are paying over the odds for their employees. They, in effect, are giving their own money away for free. People tend not to do this, so I am pretty confident the gap is a myth.

The ‘pay-gap’ is mostly down to the fact that women make different life choices including having and caring for children. Some women also choose less well-paid careers instead of entering STEM (science, technology engineering and maths) areas, which may pay better. But mainly the ‘pay-gap’ is down to the kids.

Kids are annoying for the feminists because they mean women are more likely to take time out from their careers to give birth and care for their babies and pre-schoolers. Unbelievably, some women often want to do this; other women are lumbered with this burden despite their better feminist nature.

Second wave feminists demanded choice and equality of opportunity with men in the workplace. Count me in. But this has somehow – without anyone noticing – turned into parity of outcome, no matter what lifestyle choices are made.

Everything must be 50:50 from the boardroom to the bedroom. That was quite the bait and switch, the whole equality – parity thing, but there we are.

Many have proposed ways to close the ‘gap’, which essentially means dealing with the kid thing. The maternal instinct many women have to care for their own young children is a ‘structural inequality’ in fem-language. In which case we need compulsory structural change.

To the feminists who drive policy, kids are irritating. Children are not bundles of joy but career killers. They are very high maintenance. Let me explain. For the first year of life babies are entirely dependent on another human being to feed, clothe and keep them alive.

After this, for about the next two years, toddlers will actively try to kill themselves (without knowing it) all day long. They will run into roads, and at hot stuff boiling on your stove, or try to poke their own eyes out with that spoon you left down for a nano-second. When you try to stop them doing this they will sometimes shout at you, or fall to the ground in devastation that their dastardly plan has been thwarted. It is a bloody nightmare – the kid thing.

So an adult has to be there to stop this from happening (there might be some hugging,  reading and playing, but let’s leave that to one side for now). But who can stop the toddler death spiral? For most of human history it was the mother with lots of help from granny and ‘the village.’ Herein lies the problem, and here is my oh so feminist ‘solution’. Just remove the mother!

So let’s cut to the chase here, feminists. This is what you need to do:

  1. Hire a surrogate.

This will get popular with the Alphas. If you outsource the entire pregnancy and birth thing, mothers will not even have to take the mandatory two weeks maternity leave. Bingo – feminist utopia achieved. Kids with no break in your career means no pay ‘gap’.

Once the surrogate has done her job you get in the nanny (obviously).

  1. For the Betas who thinks 1 is too much you can suck up the pregnancy and birth phase and take just the 2 weeks off – then get a nanny.
  2. Compulsory paternity leave for dads.

Feminists used to think dads were bad for families, until they discovered dads could do childcare. Amazingly, now they want dads on board. It is true dads cannot do the pregnancy/birth thing (annoying) but once the baby is born,  they can take responsibility in place of the mother.

There have been calls to make paternity leave compulsory. This will probably happen because we know that if someone does not want to do something voluntarily (like take extended paternity leave) we can just make them do it by government fiat instead.

This government fiat however will not apply to those on zero-hour contracts, or the self-employed, but we’ll get them somehow. So help me God, we will get them.

  1. Compulsory part-time work or flexi-work for dads.

Some mothers have the annoying habit of wanting part-time work when children come along. If we are to allow this then there must be compulsory part-time work or flexi-work for dads whether they want it or not.

Failing that, just make companies pay women who are part-time the same as those men and women who work full-time. This really is giving your money away for free.

  1. Feminist re-education camp

Once we have this utopia there will be a few remaining mavericks. Some mothers who want to take a few years out to do some hands-on mothering will put up a fight but they can easily be dealt with. Just send them on a feminist re-education camp and flood the media with stories about how these mothers are lazy. That should do the trick.

So there we have it – encourage surrogacy, compulsory paternity leave, compulsory part-time and flexi-work for any dads resistant to the change, and when all else fails have the compulsory re-education camps. That should close your ‘pay-gap’ (and labour market) for good.

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