Laura Perrins: How to avoid ending up on your own with a cat

To those who received a proposal of marriage over Christmas, I say congratulations. To those women who received a PlayStation instead of a thoughtful gift, I say dump him. And to those ladies out there who deeply want to find a loving husband but are no closer to that aim than this time last year, I say pull up a seat and listen to some wise advice from your Auntie Laura.

During my time of reflection over the Christmas holidays, I ventured on to the left-leaning website The Atlantic. There I found an article from 2011, All the Singles Ladies.

This very lengthy piece describes the life and loves of a one Katie Bolick, who to cut a long story short, wanted to get married but it never happened. So now she is embracing her singlehood by asking us all ‘to acknowledge the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.’ Good luck with that.

Anyway I did think it was interesting that Katie described a kitchen table chat with some twenty something women to get their views on marriage. As you can imagine after 40 years of feminism, these ladies know that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle! Not so! It seems the universal need for a life partner trumps feminist clap-trap after all.

Katie tells us: I’d assumed that growing up in a jungle would give them (the twenty somethings) a more matter-of-fact or at least less conventional worldview. Instead, when I asked if they wanted to get married when they grew up, and if so, at what age, to a one they answered “yes” and “27 or 28.”

“That’s only five or six years from now,” I pointed out. “Doesn’t that seem—not far off?” They nodded. “Take a look at me,” I said. “I’ve never been married, and I have no idea if I ever will be. There’s a good chance that this will be your reality, too. Does that freak you out?” Again they nodded. “I don’t think I can bear doing this for that long!” whispered one, with undisguised alarm.

“I don’t think I can bear doing this for that long!” This is the miserable legacy feminism has inflicted upon their daughters.

Then it struck me, that this was not a one off piece. On the side bar I noticed the following:

From 2008 Marry Him! The case for settling for Mr Good Enough.

From 2002 In Search of Mr Right which discusses the book, Why There Are No Good Men Left: The Romantic Plight of the New Single Woman.

And also Sex and the College Girl, with a tag line of "This is clearly a mess and not one that is going to clear up with magic speed on the wedding night" by Nora Johnson who laments the lack of courtship rules for the modern college-educated women.

Now I have written many times before about the dating game, why we are where we are and who is to blame. So I will not re-hash old ground. Instead I will just say that if you really want to get married and settle down then ladies you must make finding your future husband a priority for 2017.

But let’s be clear – making it a priority does not mean being desperate, or even ‘settling’ for someone who is not a good match. It means making it a priority the way you have made going to university a priority (which you did and were successful – well done you). Or the way you made working in your current field a priority.

It strikes me that when some women say ‘I really want to get married,’ what they mean is I hope the magic marriage fairy will come along and make it happen. Some women seem to labouring under the impression that Prince Charming really will come out of the forest and kiss them back to life. Well let me tell you ladies: Prince Charming is Dead. The evil feminists killed him so you are going to have to do a bit more work to make this life plan a reality.

Relying on the magic marriage fairy was fine when society and culture were totally orientated towards marriage. When everything from religion, to your old Aunt Primrose, your mother and grandmother put all their energies into getting you hitched, going with the flow was fine. But those days are gone. Now, it’s up to you.

Let me take a concrete example – work. Now don’t get me wrong much self-fulfilment comes from career and work but if that is given priority to the detriment of everything else in your life then you’ll end up on your own with a cat.

Remember the term opportunity cost - every time you stay late at work (by choice) then you are not out there meeting Mr Right. Now if you really like your work that is fine. But don’t kid yourself that marriage and family is your current priority when your actions suggest otherwise.

Finally, what makes for a good husband really deserves a blog on its own, but in brief you should avoid all commitment-phobes, TInder addicts, or anyone who reads The Guardian in a serious fashion.

I’m not saying husband hunting is going to be easy, especially in the current climate. But we’re on your side. So Happy Hunting and Happy New Year.

(Image: Juanedc)

Laura Perrins

  • weirdvisions

    I didn’t set out to look for my other half. He sort of presented the opportunity when I nicked him for speeding back in 1976. Our paths crossed again a couple of weeks later. He invited me out on a date, I accepted and the rest is history. We’re still together. 😀

    • Frunabulax

      Do you have a sister? I frequently drive in excess of 70mph along the A12 if that helps? 🙂

      • weirdvisions

        I do but I’m afraid she’s been spoken for since the 80s and like me is the wrong side of 50. 😀

      • choccycobnobs

        I wondered who the dawdler was as I shot past at 95.

  • ‘ … much self-fulfilment comes from career and work but if that is given priority to the detriment of everything else in your life then you’ll end up on your own with a cat.

    Remember the term opportunity cost – every time you stay late at work (by choice) then you are not out there meeting Mr Right.

    Oh dear. What a choice for today’s poor oppressed woman: basement dwelling cat lady at fifty or grandmother and gender pay gap. How can that stark choice be reconciled with Cosmo woman’s right to have it all, all the time?

    Joking aside, this article is typical of your invariably gynocentric output Laura. The main problem for women dreaming of marriage these days is not that they are not focused on obtaining a husband but that men are realising, in ever greater numbers, that very few women are actually worth the bother, meaning that whatever efforts they make, women are increasingly likely to experience disappointment and lifelong frustration. One of the things today’s modern mizz is therefore going to have to learn is to accept rejection with the stoicism of the men she considers herself to be the equal of.

    • Bogbrush

      Not really, all that does is clear the field for the girl with the more desirable behaviour. The idea that men are averse to marrying is just as much of a myth as the feminist idea for women – it’s just that she has to be right (if you’ve got any sense).

      I keep telling my sons that finding the right girl is the single biggest decision they’ll ever make, with gigantic impact throughout life, career and the lot. Luckily I can point to their Mum and say that I know what I’m talking about because I couldn’t have found a better girl if I’d spent another 20 years trying.

  • Colkitto03

    Good article,
    here are my three tips to young women in a budding romance:
    1/ He really cannot read your mind. Vague hints and subtle suggestions simply will not register with him. Men do not mind women being clear and explicit. Actually they are terribly thankful for it.
    2/ Talking about ‘feelings’ is absolutely fine as long as you remember he will have tolerance for this of about 90 seconds. It is illogical to most men that any discussion about ‘feelings’ needs longer than this. Certainly after about five minutes his mind is consumed with trying to think of a pressing reason to leave the room.
    3/ If you present men with issues or a problem his natural instinct is to fix it or find a resolution. Men love solving problems. The concept that simply ‘talking’ about the problem, is in itself ‘cathartic’ and therefor worthwhile, will be completely alien, and somewhat bemusing to most men.

    Yes I’m joking, and these certainly do not apply to all men (just most of them)

    • Groan

      Very good. From my observation I’d add that remember that you are a human being and not a saint and neither is he. One of the really odd strains of the preposterous mish mash of modern “have it all” feminism is the apparent belief in love (as defined as the sensitive princess being effulgently happy all the time) rather than a relationship that involves two people. Simultaneously men are posited as responsible to “make” their spouse consistently “happy” whilst at the same time with no reciprocity because he’s a mindless Neanderthal.

      • North Angle

        Yea, 1,000 upticks here Groan. There’s too much emphasis on finding “Mr Right” or “The Perfect Man”. We are not perfect and never will be. We’re just men.

        • Groan

          And of course the same for women too.

          • North Angle

            Aye ;o)

    • Bogbrush

      4/ No shopping. Ever.

      • weirdvisions

        That’s a tip too far. 😀

  • North Angle

    Trying not to generalise here and failing completely, so please forgive me; I’m no woman-hater.

    Unfortunately most women I’ve met, I’m afraid, just don’t want to understand how men work and consequently don’t care why we are the way we are; instead, the man should change to be how the woman wants. When this is refused, we are “obstinate” and “don’t care about her feelings”; when we acquiesce, we either don’t do it properly or we become “unlike you were when I met you”. This is true of every woman I’ve had a relationship with.

    Simply put, it’s almost impossible to please the “modern” woman. I’m fed up of having to change to be what the woman wants, when what they really want (and don’t understand because feminism has sold them a chocolate teapot) is a man, as he is, as he was. “Unreconstructed” man (a term I hate), if you will.

    Us men are very simple creatures. From a woman we want to feel that we are loved, we want to be left alone mostly when it comes to hobbies or sport (unless the woman is interested in either or both), we want understanding, and we want sex, not necessarily in that order. Talking about our feelings is anathema to us (mostly) but we try. A woman coming to us with a problem is something to be fixed, and we will try to the utmost of our ability, because that is what we are good at. We don’t want to talk about problems forever – we want to fix them.

    My dad had a good analogy. To a man, all women are mental. To a woman, all men are idiots. The woman that understands both of these things is the one for me. Sadly I’ve never met one!

    • Groan

      I think the most destructive notion has been the idea that women want to know what men are “feeling”. The problem rather clearly shown in one of these daft TV “therapy” sessions with a female celebrity; in which the husband (as always never asked or included) was reported to have been honest, that her huge weight gain made it difficult for him to feel sexual desire for her. He had shared his honest feelings. Of course she and the therapist agreed that this was terrible and affected her self esteem. So what was clear was he should not share his feelings at all if they are not what she wants to hear. I remembered years ago someone making the observation that women aren’t interested in their men’s feelings unless they are about them.

      • North Angle

        Absolutely. Men generally understand (eventually) that a woman’s problem is twice removed from the actual problem presented; it’s what a woman doesn’t say that’s the key.

        Although one of my exes found it very annoying that I could see through what she was saying almost immediately, and pick out exactly what the problem was, which invariably wasn’t the problem that was presented to me. Sometimes you just have to shake your head and move on.

      • Bogbrush

        You mean answering “does my bum look big in this”? Is there really any man alive who doesn’t know the right answer to this?

        • sfin

          I prefer when the question is:

          “Does this make my bum look big?”

          Because you can answer:

          “No, your fat makes your bum look big.”

    • Davidsb

      I think the old cliche is true a lot of the time (that’s what makes it a cliche):-

      A woman marries a man thinking that he will change – and he doesn’t. A man marries a woman thinking that she won’t change – and she does.

      NB Married 40+ years, and still don’t understand her…..

      • Bik Byro

        Or alternatively, sadly, the woman who spends years changing and grinding down her husband and then leaves him as she cannot understand how the exciting firebrand she fell in love with became such a boring conformist.
        And she wails “he’s not the man I married!”

      • Bosanova

        The truth is we all change over the years, that’s the effect of life experience on you.

      • As someone told me – take a good look at your future mother in law as that is what your wife will become.
        And she did.
        And we’re divorced.

        • gammosiuwong

          The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Unfortunately I am now discovering, after years spent raising my daughter as a single parent, that she’s just like her mother….and that ain’t good, believe me!

    • Shazza

      As a woman who has been married for a very long time, survived all the ups and downs, I have to say that your dad was a very, very wise man.

      Thank you for sharing his analogy with us – I totally agree with him. As a matter of interest only this morning I told Mr Shazza (again) how stupid he is – he just says I’m crazy.

      • North Angle

        You’re welcome duck ;o)

    • Bosanova

      Women are fundamentally more emotionally driven than men, and men are more rational (and simpler, yes). There’s no escaping it – we’re different creatures. But if you take that on board you can both sensibly negotiate most situations. Filter out all the nonsense about what society says men or women need to be, and just be yourself – keeping the ball-scratching to a minimum, at least at first.
      Marriage is all about compromise, I know it’s a cliche, but from both sides, no one respects a doormat and even doormats eventualy wear out. Win some fights, lose some others. And stuff needs to be talked about too, it needn’t be wimpy to explain how you feel about something – being an emotional creature she’ll understand your point better.
      Before you go down the aisle, talk about children: do you want them? When? (there’s never a “good” time). The number of couples I know who get married but haven’t agreed on this, only to split later, it staggers me. You may not be religious but go and talk to a vicar or priest before your wedding, he will at least ask you the pertinent questions that might spell trouble further ahead – that’s his job in this situation.
      Lastly, yes, looks are important to men, but time is not a friend to looks, so look beyond that – is she loving and clever/has common sense (because her input to raising children will likely be greater than yours – nature AND nurture) and can you imagine being a doddery couple of old farts together?

    • weirdvisions

      My man isn’t “unreconstructed”. He’s REAL. We have our differences and our similarities. We have our weaknesses and strengths. We try not to take each other for granted. We pretty much balance each other out. I’m not too sure what the winning formula is but we seem to have found it. Perhaps we are two of the lucky ones.

      • North Angle

        You certainly sound lucky lass, and so does he ;o)

        I’m not even sure I know what unreconstructed means to be honest… it’s a term that baffles me.

        • weirdvisions

          It sounds like a bitter piece of derogatory femiloonist mantra to me. Unreconstructed probably means thinks for one’s self and unable to be she cat-whipped I suspect.

          • North Angle

            Yeah, no doubt. I’ve been called it a few times! Mainly because I said “no” to something!

        • gammosiuwong

          Unreconstructed means unaffected by false feminist constructs and prepared to face braying from the thoughtless. It means decision taking. It means rooted in reason, logic and responsibility with a touch of understanding (but not too much). It means I lead and you follow, period. It means being perfectly prepared to show her the door. It means NOT entering the slavery of a marriage contract. It means quid pro quo.

          Now if that’s agreed maybe, maybe, there’s hope. But don’t push your chances because I’ll be watchful.

      • 3aple

        |Good for you both. Long may it continue.

    • Alaric the Vis

      I love women, but fitting in with today’s bullshit agenda will result in contempt.

      Be fair and honest, but don’t stop being a man and don’t be frightened to say no, I’m not doing that. When you mean it, you’ll get some respect. Women do not like wussies.

      Sadly, it’s best not to marry them because eventually they’ll find out that they have all the ‘rights’ if you divorce.

  • Tricia

    My advice is make sure he makes you laugh and adores you. It’s up to you to keep it that way. Learn about him and how he ticks and don’t expect him to do the same for you. Men do not do in depth soul searching.
    My first husband did make me laugh, but did not adore me or he would not have cheated on me. I think I was too self sufficient and allowed him too much rope, so he hung himself (metaphorically speaking). My second husband does adore me and puts me first constantly and I feel very privileged to have been married to him for 27 years. Certain things will drive you mad about any husband – counting the good points regularly redresses the balance.

    • Craig Martin

      But this works both ways Tricia.

      • weirdvisions

        Quite right. A good marriage isn’t one way traffic.

      • Tricia

        Of course it works both ways. I said “it’s up to you to keep it that way”. “I was too self sufficient” in my first marriage. Marriage is a marathon NOT a sprint. Keep laughing and loving.

    • Phil R

      “My first husband did make me laugh, but did not adore me or he would not have cheated on me.”

      Trica, you don’t understand men. You are thinking like a woman.

      For men, it is all about respect. Nothing else. For women it is all about love. Nothing else.


      • Bik Byro

        Speak for your sad self

        • Phil R

          What primarily drives men and women in a relationship is different.

          How many men enjoy romantic novels? How many boys enjoy romantic fairy tales?

          I know what you are going to say. Men and women only desire different things because Father Christmas gave them gender specific toys or some other cr*p

          • Bik Byro

            Seeing as you are so good at predicting, would you like to tell us all this weekend’s lottery numbers, Mystic Meg?

          • Phil R wrote:

            know what you are going to say. Men and women only desire different things because Father Christmas gave them gender specific toys or some other cr*p.

            He’s highly unlikely to say that since he’s voted approvingly for a good few of my comments here.

  • Timmy

    Love is just alimony waiting to happen.

    • North Angle

      Somewhat bleak but in my current state of mind, I agree!

  • Stuart Fairney

    Okay ladies, how to get a husband (trigger warning, you may not like this)

    1. Be sparing with your favours, really, really sparing. Don’t imagine that after 10-15 years of ‘dating’ there will be a line of quality men looking to marry you.
    2. Marry earlier. Why would anyone marry a 30-something woman (if they want children) when their fertility has been in decline for a decade or more.
    3. Try to accept that endlessly nagging men about frankly trivial stuff is counter-productive.
    4. Lobby for pre-nups to be fully accepted in the UK, marriage is a giant financial risk for men
    5. Lobby for equal access child custody in the event of divorce
    6. Join a gym, we are initially at least, visual creatures
    7. Join the library, have something to say other than celebrity trivia
    8. Be female, don’t try to ape men, we don’t want to marry drunken ladettes
    9. Find out what the mythical NAWALT is and be one
    10. Don’t treat men like disposable work objects to be mocked and vilified.

    • 3aple

      Well said on points four and five, Stuart. I cannot understand why any man would risk marriage with the rampant sexism of current British courts.

    • Alastair Haines

      I agree with you, Stuart. BUT it works both ways. NAWALTs don’t want to marry drunken lads either, for example. On the more touchy subject of “favours:” it takes two to tango. There is abundant research evidence (Symons, Buss) that it is women, rather than men, who actually *do* keep the “dating” free market more platonic than it would be were men to have their way.

      Your suggestion of earlier marriage seems good to me: aimless “dating” only occupies a void left from failing to prioritise fulfilling “mating.” Fertility is important for family building, but not as urgent as you suggest. I believe it is widely considered that 25-35 is the ideal window within which to have one kid for mum, one for dad, and one for the nation. That’s plenty of time, if given priority, to find someone suitable, especially as suitability is less about a perfect “soul mate,” than someone willing to compromise a bit for the sake of the team mission of building family together.

      That said, Laura seems right to me in the standards she sets, though I’d add that men should avoid women who feel entitled to prioritise their own education, employment, and personal fulfilment above their partner’s (i.e. feminists in actual practice). Ideally, these things are precisely where compromise comes in, and different couples will have different opportunities and solutions for maximum mutual benefit.

      I rarely hear discussion of how men can “have it all” or what their “rights” are. I hear many criticisms of men, and demands for them to satisfy women. If only heat was drained out of this subject and both sides considered, I think we’d find men and women generally like *giving* one another what the other one wants. We should be excited by how much the other sex wants to please us and how much pleasure we can give them. When things break down, we don’t fix them by demanding more, but demanding less and giving more. Imo anyway.

  • Bik Byro

    “I need a woman to be my partner for life because I need someone around me who will nit-pick and criticise everything I do and never be satisfied with my best efforts”

    Said no single man, ever.

  • Essex Man

    I did my bit for the female of the species; my wife of 31 years and I produced two sons. Both married – sorry girls!

    • PierrePendre

      Funny that. If you look around, what you see is mostly male+female couples whether married or not and they get on quite well together. The complaint of many parents is that their daughters are boy-mad. The same parents never worry that their daughters have been cheated by patriarchy of the chance to become maths PhDs, fission busters or industrial engineers. The only dissenters from actual reality seem to be young adult female journalists working for papers like the Guardian.

  • Politically__Incorrect

    Well said Auntie Laura. I was wondering if “Katie Bolicks” is a real name though? I can see why wives take their husbands surname now. I suppose one way to not end up alone with a cat is not to get the cat. But if anyone wants to get married, I think they need to believe in marriage, and believe in it as a give-and-take process. While they may be less fashionable now, the Christian marriage vows are (when taken seriously) the glue that keeps two people together. If we adhere to those vows then marriage becomes an experience of growth and discovery for both people. I recommend it to anybody.

    • Bosanova

      Nicely put.
      “In sickenss and in health, for richer or poorer”. Those are the times that will really test any marriage however solid – being young, healthy and in love is easy-peasy! So having said those vows helps remind you of the commitment you both made.

      • And don’t forget “until death shall us part” it’s not until something better comes along.

        Love is hard, marriage is harder, it’s impossible without that life long commitment.

        • Bosanova

          Agreed, I hadn’t forgotten that part. Just that death is the easy bit (for the one dying at least)!

  • Partridge

    Better not to be married at all than to be married to the wrong person. If you’re a man, better not to be married at all at all. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being on your own with a cat (or for that matter a dog). Most people will of course disregard good advice and dive headlong into relationships and marriage anyway, and then expect sympathy when it all goes wrong. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread..

  • PierrePendre

    It seems to be true that women need men more than men need women and that was the case even before the invention of the playstation.

  • Bonce

    The reason why so few modern western women get married and have kids, is because during their physical prime when they are most attractive to men and at their highest desirability many are only interested in their “careers” and treat men like “loo roll” in disposable relationships.
    Then once they have established a career, their desirability to men for marriage is significantly lowered because they are in their mid 30’s with God knows how many men behind them, and are often as a result an over needy emotional wreck.

    Message to women: Do not compromise. But also do not waste your prime years when you are at the peak of your looks! You will find that if you, then you will be sorry.
    You cannot have it all, you also need to compromise and if you let your ego get in the way there is long fall and a flat full of cats.

  • 3aple

    I’ve long felt that the problem here is that women are seldom romantic and offer romance even less. Women want romance, and will demand it from men, as a demonstration of devotion. So we have a situation where women rightly want equality, but seldom have the guts to make an initial approach for fear of the kind of rejection some know they have inflicted on perfectly decent men.

    And then, of course, we then have the empowered woman. No, not one willing to risk rejection, but the one characterised in an American soap who shouts at her suitor “You want me? You’ve got to EARN me!” Any woman with this attitude clearly does not believe she is entering into a partnership of equals, never will, will never be satisfied, and will make any relationship an absolute hell for both of them, as she devotes her energies to worshiping at the shrine of her own self.


    • weirdvisions

      There’s a name for women like that. It rhymes with “how”. Thankfully we’re not all as selfish as that.

  • NogbadTheBad

    I realised fairly early on that girls didn’t exactly view me as hot dating material. But by the time I was in my mid-30s loads of women were prepared to date me. One even became my wife.

    Women in that situation need to be aware you’re in a crowded market and your “market value” is declining. To add to this, you’re probably looking for a man who is at least as well educated as you are. You may have to drop that one. Women are now on the whole better educated than men. And it’s the more educated ones who make up most of the 30-something “bulge”.

    • Bonce

      If by better educated you mean holding a degree in a soft social science and working as a PA or in HR then you have a point. However, I hardly consider that kind of education to be an “education”. A real education meriting degree status is in an objective field like the Sciences, business, finance, maths, engineering and computer science. Just as useful is a very specific non degree level education in a specialist field.
      More women have degrees overall but they have degrees in very soft and easy subjects. When you focus on the tough subjects, which result in the highest paid professions, men are more represented than the women.

      Women in their early to mid 20s are like rock stars in the exual market place. They literally only have to click their fingers to get laid by a guy 2 or 3 rungs above them in the social and financial ladder. However that all comes crashing down when they hit 30-35.
      It is women wasting their rock star years in terms of desirability to men that is causing them to be so miserable and bitter and left on the shelf.
      This is why when we were poorer and had more traditional God based societies, that women were far happier and more children were being born. The materialistic and off the shelf culture that has replaced it causes women to treat men like handbags or loo roll when they are at their peak and should be “cashing in”

  • Great Briton

    I married 26 years ago and my wife has 2 cats, plus 2 dogs, oh and 6 horses.
    I sort of come somewhere down the list but it works OK for me. She’s too busy to bother me (just joking)

  • Grendelssohn

    In response to the growing aggressive trend of people treating as/getting pets in lieu of children, I’ve been thinking about finding a bumper-sticker that says something like, “I hope your cat/dog has a nice nursing home picked out for you”. But at the “inclusive” progressive state college where I work, it would probably get my car torched.

  • Alastair Haines

    “Well let me tell you ladies: Prince Charming is Dead. The evil feminists killed him so you are going to have to do a bit more work to make this life plan a reality.”

    Well said, Laura. Unfortunately, the evil feminists have also killed Sleeping Beauty. But I’m with you in thinking it’s our turn to “rewrite the narrative.” You’re simply adding a new “waking up from the feminist spell” chapter before the “happily ever after” ending. I think this is right, but it will only work if men write it along with women, and they see a happily ever after for themselves as well.

    Here are some questions. Is Sleeping Beauty written to inspire boys or girls or both? If it works for girls, why? If it works for boys, why? Have we really succeeded in “socially reconstructing” what men and women seek in intimate relationships?

    My theory: if enough women publicly asserted themselves as Sleeping Beauties, they would bring Prince Charming back from the dead. I actually think TCW does this, which is why I’m here cheering you on.

    • Phil R

      Sleeping beauties comment is correct.

      But look at her demeanour. She wakes but still has to snare the prince. She does not do this by offering to be his “partner”.

      She was going to be his wife. To snare him she still had to act and behave like a woman with not even a tiny bit of masculinity in her actions.

      After marriage? We are not told…

  • Bogbrush

    To any young man wondering how it all works, there is nothing better than this:

    • Bonce

      The hot-crazy matrix is one of the finest discoveries of the last 20 years.

      Very informative for many men who need it spelled out to them

    • klm

      I saw those a few years ago – they are hilarious!

  • Phil R

    Laura, you have pretty much hit the nail on the head. However, women need to remember that for men it is pretty much all about respect and for women it is all about love.

    Men know when they are not respected in the same way that women know when they are not really loved.

    Would a woman join in when other women are dishing their husbands in jest on a girls night out? Would a woman hit the gym for her husband when she is tired? Would she always look her best for him.

    Want to turn off a potential husband or make him look elsewhere if you are married? Try disrespect it will work every time.

    Try respect, it will trump barbie doll bodies, makeup and hair in marriage market for men every time.

    • Colkitto03

      Very well put indeed.

      • North Angle

        1,000 upticks.

  • Andy

    I just love Laura’s conceit. The truth is most British Women are vile, why should any man ‘settle’ for them? What possible benefit does a man gain from hitching himself to one?

    Should we do it to please the ladies? Should we ‘man up’ and be a white knight? Well maybe they can ‘woman up’, and if I’m a white knight, I’d like them to be a fair maiden…….. I’m not seeing it!

    You made your bed ladies, now lie in it.


    • Alaric the Vis

      Andy, do you have to endlessly repeat the same message?

      • Alaric the Vis wrote:

        Why not? Andy’s made a fair point and if, like me, he considers Laura’s oeuvre to be unremittingly gynocentric and traditionalist there is no reason why he should not say so. You seem to be trying to silence opinions with which you disagree and of which you disapprove.

      • Andy

        Because that’s my message.

        Did Jesus talk about the football pools?

    • Stuart Fairney

      I agree with a lot of that, but you have to say, Mrs Perrins appears to be qualified to write on this subject because she seems at least to be that rarest of things, the NAWALT

      • Given the relentlessly gynocentric and traditionalist tone and content of her output here, I’d say she is ‘like that’ – the woman who isn’t is rare indeed.

        • Stuart Fairney

          I think you are being very harsh, she’s ten times the worth of most of them these days.

          • Stuart Fairney wrote:

            I think you are being very harsh, she’s ten times the worth of most of them these days.

            You old white knight, you. Your chivalry is very commendable but entirely misplaced. Laura’s anti-feminism is not founded on any love of men per se but stems from her longing for a return to the male to female status quo obtaining before the ravages of misandrous feminist zealots made all those little male genuflections to femininity a thing of the past. Laura simply wants a return to the days when men paid for dinner, the theatre and the taxi, took care of the bills and did all the difficult, dirty and dangerous jobs while women spent their lives chattering endlessly about fluff and trivia and spent their money on the glittery ephemeral things they desired at that moment.

            Chaps like you are precisely what she has in mind.

          • You could be right, although I have some doubts. Then again that was a much better world, I wouldn’t mind going back to it myself. But then I was raised that way, and it worked pretty well for centuries.

          • Andy

            Did it work, or is that what people want you to believe? How many men had their dreams crushed, ambitions destroyed, lives ruined by ‘doing the right thing’? Do you see them, or are they not seen, just ignored?

            Was it a better world? What could we have if those men had listened to the siren call of ‘equality’ and ’emacipation’?

          • Yeah, it worked. I hardly ever heard any of those men, or women seriously complain, of course, in those days we had sound currency as well, so one could actually live fairly well on one income. Many of them were happily married for 50+ years, noting the happily, how many of those guys died in a few months after she did. I don’t go by what people say, I knew them, some of them very well. One can’t judge them on our current society, it was much different.

          • Andy

            Those days are gone and they are never coming back. Who would have thought being empowered meant you fed cats!

            Laura is simply trying to have her cake and eat it, what is beneficial for Women she wants to keep, what she does not like she wants to get rid of.

            No, I see cats in the future for you ladies.

          • Andy wrote:

            How many men had their dreams crushed, ambitions destroyed, lives ruined by ‘doing the right thing’?

            >Mr Cis holds his hand up at the back of the class<

          • Andy


            Well said.

    • Bogbrush

      Total rubbish. I think you’re best off going your own way for whatever reason but many of us have had their lives transformed for the better by finding the right woman,

      And to those below who think Laura simply wants a benefactor, you misunderstand entirely.

      • Andy

        Whiteknight will be whiteknighting until the divorce when she takes his mighty steed and sells the castle.

        “lives transformed for the better”

        What an awful impression of yourself you have.

        • Bogbrush

          Yikes, you’ve obviously had a terrible experience. Couldn’t compete for the best quality females?

          • Andy

            Whiteknight starts with the shaming language!

          • Bogbrush

            Says the guy who kicked off telling me I must have an awful impression of myself because my wife has played such a big part in making my life. I simply pointed out that my experience of women must be so much better than yours, presumably because I was able to get a great one for a wife. I can’t help feeling that if you’d done as well you’d be more positive about them.

          • Andy

            Yes you are quite right. I think you are pathetic to consider that your life has been ‘transformed by a woman’. A bit of a beta male humble-brag to go along with the harem comment above.

            I suspect you have very little knowledge of women, even less experience and your wife settled. If you had more experience, maybe you would know more about women.

          • Bogbrush

            Yeah right, totally beta. I marry the beautiful girl who was wealthier than me, we make a great team and stay married for decades, have a bunch of kids and run a big business. Poor me. 🙂

            Meanwhile you alphas get screwed over and live embittered lives.

            Boy, some of you guys really have made a mess of it. Must have been someone else’s fault though.

          • Andy

            Don’t forget to drink your Ovaltine.

          • Bogbrush

            Will do. I have someone happy to make it for me too! :))

          • Andy

            I’m sure he’s beautiful.

          • Bogbrush

            I’m not the one without a woman.

            I had no idea MGTOW meant you really went that far your own way.

          • Andy

            Any holes a goal, just ask your wife.

          • Bogbrush

            Jeez, I really don’t like the sound of your life! Very challenging.

          • Andy

            No your Wife is not challenging at all.

          • Bogbrush

            People are watching you write this stuff you know. Probably better you get another bottle out and put the porn on, if you haven’t already.

          • Andy

            Yep they are watching me play with you and win. Tradcon gonna Tradcon. Hmmmmmmmm Whisky and Porn!

          • Bogbrush

            Whisky and porn on a Saturday night.

            Congratulations, who on a Earth could wish for more? *bleak*

          • Andy

            Oh look more shaming…………

          • Bogbrush

            Oh I’m sorry, I thought you were proud of it.

          • Andy

            Youurr myy besht pal evah you are…..I looovvree you.

            Hic. The mrrrssss saysh you shoullld be in bed!

  • blahblahblah

    Welp… good luck with that.

  • Mazrick

    Men, generally speaking, like math. There are two numbers in very wide circulation right now that will make it very hard for young women to find marriage. Those numbers are 60 and 80 respectively. 60% of marriages fail with 80% of divorces initiated by wives. Your older, greedier, and unscrupulous sisters have flooded the fishing hole with sewage.
    In times passed nearly any woman who wished marriage could find it. Those days are gone. If you want it now, you have to earn it. To get a ring you need to be marriage material. What is marriage material?
    1) she’s young(under 30). If you wait till after 30 marriage quality men in your age range will be out of your league.
    2)she doesn’t sleep around. Keep you clothes on. Your ability to pair bond is like a battery each new partner burns away charge. If you’ve slept with more than five men you’re not marriage material. The strength of the pair bond is your only defense against your own baser instincts (hypergamy).
    3)she has a loving father whom she respects. Preferably she comes from an unbroken home.
    4) she doesn’t come with a boatload of debt from useless degrees. (If your goal is to get married and have children, why are you running up 100k of debt to get a degree in art history?)
    4)she takes care of herself. Maintain a healthy weight.
    5) she has humility. She realizes the tremendous responsibility she is placing on her man’s shoulders.

    • DollarPound

      Here’s a bit of brutal relationship maths. This is a simple formula for the ladies, to help them calculate the kind of man they can attract and keep.

      1. First, rate him on a hotness scale from 1 to 10.
      2. Take six from this number
      3. Raise the result to the power of three
      4. Add six to it.

      The resulting number is what you need to be – on the hotness scale – to keep him. This should produce the following results

      Him, You
      1, -119: excel formula =((A2 – 6) ^ 3) + 6
      2, -58

      This means if he is a 5, 6 or 7, you need to match him. If he is below a 5, then in the current political climate you can treat him as less than worthless and you will get away with it.

      However, if he is a ten, you cannot possibly be a 70. A score over 10 for you has to be made up of several women totaling the relevant score.

      So to keep a man who is a 10, you have to be a 10 yourself, and be prepared to share him with six other 10s. A man who is a nine can expect three tens and a 3 (the 3 will probably be an excellent cook and housekeeper). And so on.

      To quote Run DMC; it’s like that, and that’s the way it is.

      Or any combination

      • Mazrick

        Sounds about right

      • Bogbrush

        Taking shallowness to new depths suggesting an attractive man must require a harem.
        Maybe it was a joke?

    • Alaric the Vis

      Mazrick, I think the 60% and 80% figures are closely linked. Married women know that they have the legal upper hand when married, so they are confident enough to initiate divorce. I’ve noticed that men stay in bad mariages, but women end perfectly reasonable ones because the ‘spark’ has gone.

      Any man aware of these statistics would be naive or mad to get married. You’re clearly neither, but you are engaged. I take for granted that you’ve found a good woman, but it’s still a little difficult to understand a decision to marry, although I truly wish you both well.

      • Mazrick

        It doesn’t matter is the answer. I’ve stashed my business in immutable trust as well as my ranch. SHE showed up with a signed prenup. In a nutshell she gets some ‘start over’ money. The actual sum is much less than I would probably give her if everything were amicable. In other words, the risk isn’t there.

        • Alaric the Vis

          I assumed you’d protected yourself and very sensible too. Paradoxically, I suspect it improves the chance of a happy marriage.

          • Mazrick

            I’ve lead a pretty selfish life,Alaric, as far as women are concerned. I’ve executed a scorched earth policy on relationships for 20+ years. I’m sick of it at this point. It disgusts me that those measures are even available much less necessary. If I had to pick one reason to hate feminism, it would be for creating a world devoid of trust, for creating a world where I can trust my housekeeper more than my wife.

  • DollarPound

    But, but, but….

    actively pursuing a man would let him know that you actually like him. And that would make him realise that he doesn’t necessarily have to jump over a million hurdles and pass a thousand little s*it tests for you.

    And once he realises that, how are you going to control him?

  • I have the utmost admiration for you women at TCW. You are the living embodiment of NAWALT, and a beacon of hope in the seemingly endless darkness in which our society now exists.

    However, I believe the situation is much worse than anything you describe here Laura.

    A woman marrying today as a 50:50 chance of a divorce (49% of marriages entered into today will end in divorce). Those are the odds of chance. (She and her intended) might as well flip a coin.) She will almost certainly have ended it (2/3rd or divorce petitions are filed by the woman). Se will be in her early 40s when it happens (women are marrying about age 29-30 and the median length of a marriage that ends in divorce is just over 11 years). Any children they have had together will be just into teenage, and they will be all messed up as a result of the disruption of their lives, which they didn’t ask for.

    It is likely that the divorce will be traumatic (most domestic violence takes place between men and women who are in their early 40s. It might also be tragic (male suicide peaks in that age group, and that is the typical age of domestic homicide victims (of both sexes).

    But it isn’t all bad. she will get to be the housekeeper again (as in ‘keeping the house’, as the late Zsa Zsa Gabor used to say) – and she will almost certainly get sole custody of the children whom she will most likely weaponise against her ex, who could very likely be made homeless (another statistic that peaks at this age).

    Marriage has only ever been about one thing: property. Its purpose has only ever been to ensure that family wealth (on both sides) was safely passed to subsequent generations, smoothly, and with no interference from the state. However, smooth a modern divorce, one thing is sure: the wealth of both parties will be severely diminished, and for the man, will probably be almost totally wiped out, meaning that he will have to start again. Thus this supply of (re)marriageable men will be impoverished.

    There is no contract in the world that can be unilaterally abrogated without penalty, other than marriage, and men are waking up to that. That is why they are eschewing the entire crock – and who can blame them?

    Marriage in its real form will never come back IMO. The best that can happen is that some future government will wake up to what this all means and re-introduce fault divorce or no-penalty divorce (the latter, of course, would just create a meaningless temporary union and be little better than the present prevailing cohabitation that lacks the covenant commitment necessary for a woman to safely give over her body to childbirth) which is untenable. I wrote about this at length over a year ago now, here:

    The situation for women who want to marry today is far worse than any woman can possibly imagine. Far, far worse. The world has changed irrevocably. Marriage is over. It is finished. We now live in the brave new dystopia reengineered for us by feminism, with which the overwhelming majority of women have stupidly made a Faustian pact.

    • DollarPound

      Many, many upvotes sir, and more power to your elbow.

    • Bogbrush

      I’m usually more optimistic but I must admit I’ve taken steps by putting most of our wealth into Trust so that it can benefit my children individually in terms of stuff like owning a nice house they get to use, but keeping the wealth out of their personal hands and therefore safe from any divorce settlements.

      Obviously if they make their own wealth then that’s their business but any spouses thinking they’ll get loads simply by marrying and divorcing my kids has a shock coming.

    • Alaric the Vis

      Sadly, I see it the same way. Until the balance of risk is restored, marriage is a terrible deal for a solvent man. A start would be to abolish the theft of men’s pensions on divorce and to recognise the financial contribution of the parties. If a man contributes the most, he takes the most. This would be some compensation for almost certainly being made homeless.

      A fairer balance would probably reduce divorces because women would know that the system isn’t entirely stacked in their favour. Men don’t initiate most divorces because they know they’ll be impoverished.

      • Bogbrush

        The only trouble with that is that it requires the woman be an equal wage earner, when many great marriages might be based on him earning and she bringing up the children and keeping the home.

        It’s a problem, no question.

    • Alexis

      Young people need to see a marriage of life partners in action and to perceive what someone called the “third love” in action, the love of a husband for his wife, wife for her husband and the love of both for their offspring and that returned. Saying sorry and forgiveness is a healer of breaks and to remember that in a relationship you are either moving towards someone or away. The selfishness and contempt of feminism has been a wrecking ball to marriage but only now can the fruit of their labours be seen as rotten. In that sense I would say marriage is more than a property interest, more about love and trust.

  • Trollhammer

    What makes a good husband: a whole blog of material.
    What makes a good wife: GURRLLLL YOU DESERVE IT.

  • Laura Perrins

    Dear Men,

    Many thanks for your comments. I have enjoyed the discussion.

    I just want to answer a few points. Herbert Purdy, I agree with much of what you say, but I do not agree that marriage has only ever been about one thing, property. That may have been the case for the upper classes but not below.
    WE know marriage was used for lots of different things through the centuries, to secure military and royal alliances, yes to secure property, and only very recently were ‘love matches’ the norm. But overall beneath this marriage was to secure the next generation i.e. for producing children. It was the children that secured the alliance or onto which the property was passed.

    I have heard the numbers about divorce but unless you break it down into education and class it is not true a reading. The divorce rate for certain groups have stabilised and I do not believe is close to 50%.

    Marriage has been been destroyed for the working class- the group that needed it the most (and I’m angry about that). But not necessarily for the middle class.

    Finally, I am happy to say this website is ‘gynocentric.’ OF course I believe marriage is a good deal for women – I would not have gotten married otherwise and it is one of my major issues with feminism – it peddles the myth that marriage is some kind of prison for women.

    I also understand why many men do not want to get married. I am not here to argue or persuade you otherwise. BUT, it seems to me that much of the concern over modern marriage today is with divorce not necessarily marriage.

    Therefore if might be worth committing to a women who has serious religious objections to divorce (although I know you will just tell me they don’t exist).

    Christian marriage (which is really what I am interested in, and favour) always was a great deal for women. It one of the reasons women were dominant in early Christianity.

    Compared to the Pagan culture at the time, which involved – wife being turfed out on the whim of husband at any time (like Islam today), ROUTINE exposure of female infants after both i.e. female infanticide (Like China and India today), routine botched abortions resulting in major female mortality and very early marriage (sometimes before 10) which goes with it, without consent.

    Christian marriage on the other hand 1) raised significantly the marriage age for girls, mostly until after 18 which cut down somewhat on maternal mortality in childbirth) 2) absolute prohibition on exposure of any infant 3) prohibition on divorce. I believe for the first time ever.

    And later, the requirement of consent by both parties.

    This is an unbelievable good deal for women, and occurred in a deeply patriarchal society.

    Christian marriage was and remains a great deal for women it is 1) be consent 2) exclusive 3) for life.
    What’s not to like?

    I also however believe it is a good deal for men, as the non-Christian Bogbrush explains below.

    Is secular marriage over? Perhaps. Is Christian marriage alive? Yes.

    • Andy

      I want the nice bits I approve of, but the bad bits I don’t, until a time when I do!


    • Very well said, Laura. Not least because it is the point I was trying to make. I’ve been married, and I’ve been a single adult (both before and after). My marriage wasn’t satisfactory (for her, I was OK) but yes, the conditions you spell out make it at worst better than anything else, at best, the best possible way to spend life, with someone you can trust, love, and honor. What’s not to like. My only question is, where does one find these Christian ladies? They don’t seem to abound.