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Laura Perrins: I am baring my breasts. But for the love of my new baby, not to upset Harriet


I had my third baby on Saturday and have enjoyed logging out of the real world and enjoying the new-born haze. It has been wonderful – the snuggles, the hugs and the ostentatious breastfeeding (I write this wearing only nipple tassels).

I logged back on to the real world today to find lots of women shouting at each other. In particular, as usual, the feminists have been shouting very loudly at other women – naked ones and any potential Ukip voters.

I have figured out that The Sun pulled quite the trick in teasing the feminists that victory was theirs and Page Three was no more. How the middle-class campaigning feminists basked in the glory of judging and depriving their working class sisters of a way to make a living. Baring your breasts is not the done thing, unless you are on a Slut Walk. We know better than you sisters so put them away and sit down.

No doubt there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth this morning, when Nicole made the decision to earn a crust by displaying her rather ample and beautiful bosoms on Page Three.

As a social conservative I am not a huge fan on Page Three (I may have signed a petition once against it). But it is the height of hypocrisy for the feminists to start telling other women what to do, since they are such fans of female agency when it comes to anything else.

I also think it is a bucket load of nonsense to suppose that Page Three inhibits young girls from becoming engineers or plumbers, as the odious Girl Guides Association would have us believe. This is up there with – if you put your baby girl in a pink baby grow there is no way she will become professor of astrophysics 40 years down the line.

Neither pinkification of childhood, nor bare breasts have this kind of impact on girls. What will have an impact on girls are rubbish schools and poor science teaching. If you want your daughter to become an engineer or boffin, I dare say she could spend much of childhood being Princess Bella, but if she goes to an all-girls grammar school her future is more or less assured. But then some feminists do like to opt out from the Community of the Sane.

Speaking of opting out from the Community of the Sane, Harriet Harp-on-on decided to a take a pot shot at Ukip. She has ordered all women to beware of the sexist dinosaur that lurks within. Petrified no doubt at leaking votes to Ukip, and perhaps annoyed at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory over Page Three, Harriet is shouting at any woman who does not hold true to the feminist manifesto.

It is true that women are much more likely to vote Labour and we have explained why – namely that as the family disintegrates Labour is the party most willing to bribe wimmin voters with Free Stuff.

Suzanne Evans’ reply to the charge of sexism against Ukip was the following:

‘They’ve put women out of work; forced down wages for women because of mass uncontrolled migration, they’ve raised our taxes, helped make childcare the most expensive in the world, and not properly addressed the issue of women suffering appalling cultural crimes like female genital mutilation.’

All of this is true. Wages have been forced down due to uncontrolled migration, taxes have continued to climb to pay for Labour’s Free Stuff, Labour over-regulated the childcare industry and then looked the other way in Rotherham while girls were systematically raped.

I would say game, set and match to Evans.

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