Monday, April 15, 2024
HomeCulture WarLaura Perrins: Breaking news from Planet Osborne. Mothers have been abolished

Laura Perrins: Breaking news from Planet Osborne. Mothers have been abolished


I just cannot wait until they abolish motherhood completely. When that glorious day arrives, just think how much more the State will be involved in all of our lives?

We can wish each other Happy Caregiver’s Day! Because this is much more appropriate that Mother’s Day which, we all know, is outdated sexist tosh. What is a mother to a newborn? A lost worker to the economy I, and Gideon Osborne, say.

I stumbled across this delightful piece on Conservative Home about how the first 1001 days are so important for child development.

Ok, I thought, it is pretty important for a mother not to binge drink and smoke like a chimney while pregnant. And when she does give birth it is nice if she can be given some time and space to bond with her newborn. Tell, me more.

But little did I know that the word mother was not used once during the whole piece by Clair Rees,  Executive Director of the charity Parent Infant Partnership (UK) and a Parliamentary Early Years Adviser. Fancy title eh? Pity she has such innate animus towards mothers.

Clair tells us, “every baby deserves to have the best possible start in life through a secure bond in their earliest relationship.” No kidding Clair, and tell us what is that earliest relationship? The mother, perhaps? The person who carried her for 9 months and then gave birth to her? Go on give her a name, or are we all to be referred to as ‘gestational carriers’ now a la  actress Lucy Lui.

Clair continues: “A secure bond is enabled through the quality of interactions between a baby and their caregiver.” Caregiver! Sure it could be anyone- the father, the grandmother, the milkman, the matriarch down the road. Or, as Gideon would prefer, the 20-year-old underpaid nursery worker.

Welcome to the Brave New World – where motherhood is abolished.

And I must refer to this lofty, lofty statement: “Through relationship formation in our earliest relationships lies the elixir for healthy relationships throughout the lifespan, supported by the village it takes to raise a child and support a family.”

The village, dear conservative reader, is not the actual village in your mind such as grandparents, uncles, aunts or neighbours on hand to take the kids while you take a rest. No the village in today’s world, is inevitably the State and its many, many taxpayer-funded ‘programmes’.

Anyway, you get the picture. I will bore you no longer. Just remember what to say when you are next informed of a joyous new birth in the family. Congratulations on the birth of your baby, you must be delighted to become a ‘caregiver.’

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