Laura Perrins: Cameron’s to blame for this Navy lark

From time to time I will be presenting my Leftist Wrecker of the Week award to the people who have destroyed our great institutions.

This week’s Leftist Wrecker is David Cameron who, I believe, thought it was a sensible idea to permit women to serve on nuclear submarines.

It was a Conservative government which six years ago removed the all-male submarine rule. That nitwit Cameron, then, caused the current mess. He will have done it for ideological reasons and certainly not for efficiency or effectiveness.

We were told last week: ‘A scandal over conduct on a Royal Navy nuclear submarine has widened after it was disclosed that a second officer was also removed for an alleged improper relationship with a female colleague.

The submarine’s commander and his second-in-command were last week both taken off HMS Vigilant while Navy chiefs investigate the claims.

Cdr Stuart Armstrong, the boat’s commander, was earlier this week revealed to have been relieved of his duties after allegations his relationship with a female subordinate was ‘closer than it should have been’.

The only scandalous aspect of this entirely predictable scandal is that the government did not seem to know that when you put men and women in very close quarters and send them on a long journey beneath the sea, something might just happen between them.

The report goes on: Naval sources said the removal of the top two officers from a vessel was ‘highly unusual’.

It might have been highly unusual when the defence of the realm was taken seriously and only men served in such posts. But these days the interests of the British people are always trumped by feminism, PC garbage, and all the other Leftist nonsense that will bring Britain to its knees. This scandal was entirely predictable to normal people who know human nature.

But the Navy has rules, it seems, to protect against misconduct: ‘Relationships within the same command chain are banned on board submarines and warships for fear they will lead to favouritism that undermines discipline and orders.’ So there you go. That solves that problem.

And what’s more: Relationships outside the same chain of command are allowed, but there is a strict ‘no touching’ rule during deployments.

No touching! No touching! Now, now, boys and girls, hands where I can see them, I want to see some daylight between you two. It would be funny if it were not so serious.

HMS Vigilant is one of four Vanguard-class submarines armed with Trident nuclear missiles as part of Britain’s deterrent. She was not on a nuclear deterrent patrol at the time of the alleged conduct but was visiting America. That’s a relief then.

It seems the officers were not that vigilant on HMS Vigilant – or not vigilant enough to stop an illicit love affair. In truth, we all know that making something illicit is a sure way to guarantee that people will keep their clothes on. No, sir, it does not add to the romance, attraction or allure one bit.

Another Naval source said the men had been removed as a precaution ‘without prejudice’ while the investigation continued. Only it does prejudice the taxpayer, the Navy, and the interests of Great Britain as a whole. All of which were secondary to the radical Leftist/feminist agenda pursued by Cameron.

So there we have it. Two highly ranked officers are under investigation. How much will this cost the taxpayer? How much did it cost the taxpayer to train these men in the first place? And now they have been removed and are probably painting their garden sheds. Well done, Conservatives!

Laura Perrins

  • Bernard from Bucks

    As the BBC doesn’t do real comedy and satire any more, (TWTWTW, Smith & Jones, I’m Sorry I haven’t a Clue etc.), we have to rely on the EU and the Government to amuse us! 😉

  • Adam

    Perhaps a solution would be to keep the PC brigade happy would be to have one of the four submarines totally crewed with females and the other three all male.

    • Landphil

      One all male, one female, one transgender and one crewed by Carry On impersonators – “What’s that button for Captain?”

      • Labour_is_bunk

        There’s an exchange in Carry On Cruising which goes something like this:

        “You can’t go in there, the doctor’s treating a young lady”.

        Captain – “what’s he treating her to?”.

        • Landphil

          I liked the little old lady’s question standing by the rail on the ship’s sailing: “What am I standing on? That’s a bollard madam – oooh fancy!

          • grandpa1940

            My favourite question stems from my first deep sea trip. We carried twelve passengers, and this lady asked me (honest, she really did) how did the man steering manage to change gears at the same time? This on a fifteen-thousand ton cargo ship.
            Needless to say, without a blink of hesitation, I replied. ‘He has to use both hands, madam!’

    • Bik Byro

      Perhaps a solution is just to let men and women b0nk each other like they have done for millions of years without clutching your pearls and getting in a 1930’s froth over it.
      I hope you’ve covered up the legs of your piano.

      • Woman at home

        You do seem to have a thing about pearls, Bik. But the issue is not the bonking, it is the favouritism and lack of judgement that goes along with it.

        • Bik Byro

          Well, I’ve recently given my wife a nice pearl necklace.

          • Woman at home

            And does she clutch them all the time?

      • Golur

        The problem is also one of trust – trust between wives/husbands/whatever ashore, and their partners at sea, and trust that one person is not receiving preferential treatment as a result of having sex with someone of a superior rank.

        The problem of ‘trust’ for families – mainly wives – has, I’m afraid, already had huge impact on retention in the RN.

        • Bik Byro

          But then you could apply that argument to thousands of jobs in this country which require working away from home and staying away overnight. I’ve known more than one boss b0nk his secretary while they are away on conference and nobody is demanding male-only secretaries.

  • Landphil

    Did the earth move?

    • Bik Byro

      Torpedo in tube number 1 …

      • Landphil

        Number 2 tube is blocked.

    • evad666

      Brings whole new meaning to companionway.

      • Grumpy

        I always wondered where the expression “bunk-up” came from.

  • Elizabeth Smith

    The wimmin would have made a beeline for the senior officers. It should have been they who were penalised and not the men.
    These days women in the services can get pregnant and away from unpleasant duties without the penalty of a dishonourable discharge.

    • ancientpopeye

      Predictable comment from a woman, why would the men not have made a beeline for the females knowing they would be unlikely to have been refused because of their superior rank?

    • Ned Costello

      They didn’t used to be Dishourably discharged if they fell pregnant, merely administratively discharged, and quite right too. It’s the Army/Navy/Air Force after all, not a creche. Now there are dozens of non-deployable women clogging up the promotion stream and forcing the remaining men to work harder and longer because they’re pregnant or on extended leave after giving birth. I do hope any future enemies cut us some slack when the next baloon goes up.

  • bufo75

    Dave was always totally under the thumb of Samantha.
    “Cherchez la femme” – as ever !

    • TheRightToArmBears

      Samantha, another vapid grimace looking for something she thinks other people should be forced to agree with.

  • Owen_Morgan

    Ever since Cameron the Chinless became leader of the Conservatives in 2005, the party leadership has striven to be Labour-Lite. Quite how you expect to gain power by being a pale reflection of the party that already has it escapes me (in 2010, the Conservatives were rescued by the intergalactic awfulness of Gordon Brown), but Cameron and May have continued the practice in government. Need a brilliant wheeze, to bump up the opinion polls? Steal the other lot’s lines, only without the conviction. Does it matter that Labour policies actually amount to national suicide? Nah!

    We saw this right from 2010, when the Conservatives failed to repeal Harriet Harman’s appalling “hate crimes” legislation. That charter for the professionally offended had no place in a free society, but Cameron and May ardently embraced it, as, recently, has Amber Rudd. This mentality has produced same-sex marriage and official acceptance of ludicrous rejections of basic biological facts. Strange, isn’t it, that the nature of the weather eighty-three years from now is pronounced “settled science”, when the division of H. sapiens into male and female sexes suddenly, supposedly, isn’t?

    The weakening of the armed forces, in the name of political correctness, is an inherent part of this mentality: a desperate attempt by Metropolitan Tories, who despise the grassroots of their “Nasty” party, to pander to the Bubblistas in Shepherd’s Bush and Salford. Somebody should tell May that she is one of the last three people watching “Newsnight”, but I don’t suppose she’d listen

    • ancientpopeye

      Great analysis.

    • MrVeryAngry

      What about Harman’s equally egregious Equalities Act? That is socialism in one Act.

    • The Laughing Cavalier

      It is worth remembering that in 2010 ‘call me Dave’ threw away a ten point lead with his “I agree with Nick” bull****.

    • Ozfan

      And today’s R4 Today headlines were full of Mrs May’s wonderful survey into racial and gender divisions in UK Public Services – the first thing she did on becoming PM was to commission this leftist tosh!
      I truly believe she’s more left-wing than Blair, although lacking his cunning.

    • Up To Eleven

      Excellent comment – completely agree.

  • barney mcgrew

    Who’d a thought it then. Things getting hot and sweaty under the sea. Nowhere more confined than a nuclear submarine under the ocean for weeks at a time. All for political correctness. So what are they going to do about this issue in the long term? Nothing as usual.

    • TheRightToArmBears

      Do you really believe that the sexless empty space known as Shareeza May will have an inkling as to whether this is a figment of someone else’s imagination.
      Certainly nothing for her to bother her empty head about.

  • Owen_Morgan

    As an aside, I note that my first attempted post here was rejected (actually, defined as “Pending”, but that’s the same thing). The only difference between the rejected post and the accepted one was that I referred to “H*m* sapiens”, without the asterisks, the first time, before trying “H. sapiens”.

    Now, therefore, it is politically incorrect to name your own species.

  • Simon Platt

    David Cameron? Leftist Wrecker of the Week? Well deserved. This week, and for many weeks to come.

    • evad666

      Cameron was and always will be a PRAT.

    • noobsy6

      To be replaced intermittently by Blair.

  • Labour_is_bunk

    “when you put men and women in very close quarters and send them on a
    long journey beneath the sea, something might just happen between them”.

    And remember the recent stink – a male football coach of female football teams was discovered to have been sampling the goods.

    Are people really that stupid that they aren’t alive to the possibilities?

    • simonstephenson

      I think you’ll find that the modern definition of stupidity is something like “allowing objective reality to unsettle ones conviction that the pursuit of idealism is in every circumstance to be considered to be the correct ethical behaviour”, and so, in line with this definition, it is the likes of you and I who are stupid, while the stance taken by the world’s dreamers is faultless.

      • Labour_is_bunk

        Can’t argue with that.

    • Woman at home

      Hadn’t they all been CRB checked? That is a cast-iron guaranteed way to make sure everyone is safe……

    • Damaris Tighe

      I connect this with David Davies’ article yesterday about transgenderism. There’s now a complete refusal to acknowledge the reality of the dynamic between the sexes – and underneath it is a refusal to acknowledge that biological sexual difference exists. So, men who identify as women are placed in women’s prisons and, surprise surprise, they prey on real women. Men and women naval officers are placed in close proximity in submarines and, surprise, surprise, sex ‘raises its ugly head’.

      Reality will not be denied, however much the idiots who rule us try to make it so for PR and more sinister purposes.

  • Bik Byro

    Everybody seems to have forgotten Winston Churchill saying “‘The traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy and the lash”

    Strangely, the anti-gay crowd on here are the first ones rushing to the keyboard to criticise male/female relationships taking over from male/male ones in the navy.

    Some people just won’t be pleased whatever happens.

    • Colonel Mustard

      Well, to start with the attributed quotation is not as you have written it. It was supposedly in the form of a question when Churchill was accused of undermining the traditions of the Navy and supposedly responded “What traditions? Rum, sodomy and the lash?” or “Nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash”. There are numerous versions variously attributed to a diary entry by Harold Nicholson and an anecdote recorded by Sir Peter Gratton in his book about Churchill.

      However, Churchill told his personal assistant Anthony Montague-Browne that he never uttered such words. Montague-Browne confirmed this to Richard Langworth, one of the most respected Churchill biographers. In his book about Churchill quotations and misquotes, “Churchill by Himself: The Definitive Collection of Quotations”, Langworth says that Montague-Browne personally told him that he had asked Churchill about the quote.

      According to Montague-Browne, Churchill responded: “I never said it. I wish I had.”

      Langworth notes that “rum, sodomy and the lash” is similar to “rum, bum and bacca” — a catchphrase from an old saying about the pastimes of British sailors, dating back to the 1800s.

      • Damaris Tighe

        Roger Melly’s version was “rum, bum and concertina” 😉

        • Bik Byro

          I think it was George Melly actually. But it’s something that Roger Mellie would say too.

          • Damaris Tighe

            I was wracking my brain trying to remember his first name! Yes, it was George and I remember him using this phrase at a show he put on at my university.

          • Bik Byro

            I’m a bit of a fan. In 1978 (I think) he did the most unlikely team-up with the Stranglers, if you’ve not heard it, here’s the result : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMVV2ncEfDs

          • Damaris Tighe

            I saw him in 1974 or 1975 I think. He was teamed up with a band, but can’t remember the name. Bit early for the Stranglers.

      • Bik Byro

        I’ll give the great Sir Winston Churchill the benefit of the doubt, it’s the least the excellent man deserves. There is still some contention as to whether the famous “tomorrow I shall be sober” quote was aimed at Bessie Braddock or Lady Astor

  • Bugle

    Cameron – pah!

  • noobsy6

    If you are you g to have men and women working together in close proximity….you have to accept canoodling. Otherwise you are building up a lot of tension akin to a kind of torture.
    Don’t want it to happen? Keep the sexes separated and hope they don’t succumb to each other.

    • TheRightToArmBears

      Perhaps Cameron thought it would be like Eton where the chaps prefer to canoodle with chaps.

    • Laura Perrins

      This is a funny comment. I have asked our administrator to remove this due to your pornographic photo handle.

  • Peejos

    The whole concept of women in the ARMED services will grind to a halt should there ever be another war. Just what does anybody think will happen to any women captured as POWs? The aftermath of the battle for Berlin was widespread rape of German women of all ages by Russian troops. Young men with their blood up in charge of frightened and alien women can hardly expected to be angels.

    • The answer to that is provided by the US Army in the first gulf war when the young female soldier got captured. Four star attention changes of plans and a SF raid to free her.

  • PierrePendre

    I was on a French nuclear submarine once. It was crewed by cuboid Bretons who were as tall as they were wide. Having sex on one of these boats would have been like doing it in the back of a Mini which was the fate of so many of us of a certain age – requiring a certain bodily prehensility but not beyond human ingenuity. Anyway, since we seem to be unable to get past the sex thingy in mixed environments, the solution is obvious. One of these four submarines should fly the pink flag and be reserved for LGBTQ sailors to protect them from the predations of straight White males who are unable to keep their vile lusts under control. Either that or establish the rank of Chief Petting Officer who would take exclusive care of needy sailorettes. I wouldn’t be too hard on Cameron who, as a toff, probably thinks it is absolutely normal for people to do as they like where they like when they like as he was raised to do. The story mentions the second officer as the culprit. What’s happened to him?

  • noobsy6

    There needs to be something for a guy to sink his pink torpedo into.

    • Stinky Britches

      Gotta work your passage

  • David

    Women should not be placed in combat, or potential combat situations, and certainly not in close proximity to males. Like so many of the ideas that have been sucked up by the captives to political correctness they are totally impractical and will impair operational efficiency. I pity the senior officers having this nonsense imposed on them by stupid, weak politicians.

    • Coniston

      On the other hand, thousands of Russian women fought with great gallantry in WW2, sharing the same battle experiences as the men. I suppose when there is everything to lose, and you face possible annihilation, everyone is in combat. We have not (yet) faced that situation in this country.

      • David

        They were too busy fighting for affairs. Anyway what choice did they have ?

      • Grumpy

        Contrary to popular history, many of the larger ships in Nelson’s navy had women on board. Usually the wives of senior petty officers, they had no formal role, but in combat would muck-in with tending the wounded. Most importantly, they protected the younger boys from the predatory matelots.

      • UKCitizen

        I suppose if you call being sent into battle with no weapons and the threat of being shot if you didn’t, gallantry, then I suppose it was!

        • Coniston

          I understand there were (usually at least) separate women’s units, and they fought as bravely and bloodily as the men. Encouraged, no doubt, by the NKVD officers behind them who shot anyone retreating.

  • Malcolm

    Whilst I share the writer’s concerns, human nature being what it is especially amongst young, fit people, this situation was entirely predictable, in fact probably unavoidable once the decision was made to allow mixed gender crews. What I do find interesting though is that, on the basis that it takes two to tango and there is no suggestion that I have seen that the conduct complained of was not consensual, only the male officers have been suspended from their duties. If such liaisons are against the rules then surely they are being broken by both parties involved? Or does the PC idea of equality only work one way?

  • Dougie

    Is it too much to ask that CW illustrate this article with a picture of a British submarine?

    • D J

      Yes. The Tories want us to be mlre like the Swedes, so they have shown a Swedish one.

  • Colonel Mustard

    They are calling for Nelson’s statue to be toppled. He is already spinning in his grave. He began spinning, slowly at first, when that away boat of male and female “sailors” meekly surrendered to the Iranians and were “shipped” home by coach in Persian de-mob suits after tearful public exhortations for “Mummy”.

  • Yep, our navy has these problems occasionally as well, for all the reasons Laura states. You now have two qualified for command submariners on the beach, probably for good. Unless it has changed since I looked the British skippers are the best in the world bar none – the Perisher course is completely amazing. If I had to guess, their training only for command cost something on the order of 25 million. Will, it happen again? Yes. We once lost the captain of a CVN and the CAG to this nonsense. On the other hand, they no longer need a girl in every port – they bring their own.

  • Timmy

    Funny thing. The RN is so underpowered these days that you could not win the Falkland War today. Not enough ships, not enough grit.

    Ironic, since the RN brought civilization to the world, ended the American slave trade, Pax Britaina, etc.

    Now you are debt ridden, immigration loving, feminist PC culture that is asked to turn in your kitchen knives for public safety. Not that it matters because I read that acid attacks are exceeding knife attacks. When did the British start throwing acid?

    So I guess a little monkey business on a nuclear armed sub is part for the course.

  • A fine city

    It is perfectly possible to keep to the no touching rule if you are an adult doing a serious job of work and not a hormonal teenager desperate for sex. Very insulting to suggest that it is anyone’s responsibility but the individuals who choose to break the rules. Most people manage to keep their trousers on.

  • John Smith

    Being such a rich, self entitled country means we are now obsessed by such things
    From Government to Schools constantly breaking things that worked.

    By them getting involved in areas they do not need to

  • richardofkent

    Modern day politicians are bureaucratic pygmies who cannot or won’t address the big issues facing the UK. So they interfere in the minutiae of everyday life acting like naïve social workers rather than statesmen. They also suffer from the liberal disease of wish fulfilment – expecting a certain result because that is what they wish for and therefore ignoring all of the evidence and opinions of those who disagree with them no matter how prescient.

    Just recently we have had a report on the numbers of illegals in the UK. This is contradictory to all government reports produced in recent years and confirms what most reasonably intelligent people have known for years. Why is it that our politicians are the last people to spot a problem ? In my opinion it is because they ignore the obvious, stick their heads in the sand and hope it all gets sorted out without them having to make a decision.

  • Revd Robert West

    Putting men and women together 24/7 is not natural, and this kind of thing is what you should expect; indeed there would be something wrong if it did not happen. COMMON SENSE SEEMS TO HAVE FORSAKEN the late leader of the Conservative Party.

  • UKCitizen

    What happened to the woman in question? Doe’s she bear no responsibility?

  • UKCitizen

    More evidence that we haven’t had a Tory party worthy of the name for some time now.

  • franknowzad

    It’s called, “pussification”
    That which the enemy cannot defeat in open warfare gets weakened from within by over educated children who hate Blighty

  • Inside

    I will repeat my recent comment that when we are happy to play the all blacks with a mixed team, then we might be ready for mixed combat units or crews – it is just pure and simple virtue signalling and social engineering and has not done a single thing to improve or enhance combat effectiveness.

  • Prompt Critical

    “No touching! No touching! Now, now, boys and girls, hands where I can see them, I want to see some daylight between you two.”

    Or maybe they should institute the rule: You can lie together on the same bed, but all feet must be kept on the floor.