Since the patriarchy has been decommissioned there has been rush to fill the void when it comes to telling women what to do. This void has been swiftly filled by bossy wimmin of millennial feminism. Welcome to the feminist dictatorship.
Here we name the top five bossy feminists. Some have written books whose titles are direct orders telling other women how they should live their lives.
1) Sheryl Sandberg, COO Facebook
Sheryl Sandberg shouted at us all to “Lean in to the workplace”. She will not rest until men are doing 50 per cent of the childcare and women make up 50 per cent of CEOs – whether we like it or not. Her popular book admonishing us to all Lean In is a feminist favourite.
In fairness, I am sure it does offer some excellent workplace tips on how to get ahead, and if this is what floats your boat go for it. But Sheryl does not seem to understand that worldly success does not float every woman’s boat. Some women, when for instance they become mothers, want to “Lean In” over a cot to give their baby a snuggle, and (horror upon horror) they don’t want to do this just once a day after the nanny has put her down to sleep for the night.
Not satisfied with telling us how to manage work and family, Sheryl also fronted a campaign ordering people to stop using the word bossy when describing very bossy women. She wanted to Ban Bossy. Oh the irony.
2) Jenni Murray, Woman’s Hour presenter
On Woman’s Hour, Jenni is an old style feminist who tells it as it is, or at least how she thinks we all should be. Jenni does not just tell other women what to do; she tells other women what to say, as I explained before. Our language is not our own, perhaps because our lady brains become soft from spending too much time at the playground.
3) Emma Watson, Harry Potter actress and activist
Ms Watson is young, very young in fact, but that will not stop her doling out advice to anyone sad enough to listen. Emma likes to tell men that they should advance the cause of millennial feminism and all its gender fluid glory by promoting the UN HeforShe campaign. It is either get with the UN programme or get lost.
4) Linda Hirshman, American lawyer and author
Less well known perhaps to British readers, Hirshman ordered all women to “Get To Work” and stay there – or else. I have read part of this book online (obviously I am not going to buy it) so you don’t have to. She orders us about from what profession to enter to how many children you should have. This lady puts the dictator into dictatorship.
5) Emma Barnett, journalist and broadcaster
Ah, Ms Barnett likes to call herself a loud, feisty and childless feminist and nothing can keep her down. Nothing. Believe me, I have tried. At the tender age of 30, Emma likes to speak for all women. All women, ‘all over the world!’ The entire world!
Emma has taken on the battle to represent us all, although I never remember being asked. In this (beyond parody piece) Supreme Leader of the World Emma opines that: “We’ve let our guard down too easily. We’ve become complacent,” and “lost custody of our ambition.” Wow – I must have left mine in the nappy bag.
She calls men who congratulate women on getting married or having a baby as ‘nice guy misogynists’, as invariably if they do this they will not promote women at work.
Oh, and she refers to getting married and having a baby as the “fuzzy home stuff.” That is right, ladies – sustaining life in one’s womb for nine months and then bringing forth said new life and then continuing to sustain this totally dependant life is “fuzzy home stuff.”
Obviously, this is not as important as being in the office all day sipping your warm cup of coffee while typing and then tweeting it out. God, the exhaustion.
So there we have it.
I am not saying all these women are not entitled to offer advice to those stupid enough to accept it – of course, they are. But it is the bossiness of it, the finger-pointing, and the ordering other women around I cannot stand. It gets irritating after a while – so irritating that I have to stop doing my own “fuzzy home stuff” to tell these wimmin to put a sock in it.
Some day, (some day) when the little ones are grown up, I may get around to writing a book of my own challenging the bossy feminist genre, the Feminist Dictatorship. I have thought up a title I am sure they will appreciate. It shall be called: Shut Up!