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Man’s right to a tartan tampon


YOU can imagine the outrage as Charlie (he/she/it/Scottish) emerges from the gents’ toilet and says to Ronnie (he/she/it/Scottish): ‘It’s an awfy scandal, so it is, Ronnie.’ ‘Whassup wi ye noo, Charlie?’ enquires Ronnie. ‘Thur’s nae tampons in the men’s bog. It’s an outrage. A’m fair scunnered.’

Well, chaps, fear not. On the verge of plunging her country into economic chaos, with drug abuse skyrocketing in her country and one scandal after another in her ‘government’, Nicola the Bruce has decided that tampons are to be made available in men’s toilets in Scottish civil service buildings. And, like a haggis exploding in the kitchen, you can be sure that this will soon spread all over the national socialist dictatorship formerly known as Scotland. 

Scotland has long been taking the High Road of the tampon trail, being the only country – in order to alleviate ‘period poverty’ – to make sanitary products freely available to women. Having had four daughters brought up in a reasonably well-off household, I simply cannot imagine what it must be like for a young woman to be unable to obtain sanitary products either through the ignorance or the poverty of her parents. These females deserve to be helped. But is sanitary protection really unaffordable for most women? In light of cultural practices and taboos such as menstruation huts which still exist in some countries, it does seem like a particularly First World problem.

I can only assume that the tampons that are available in men’s toilets will also be free. But the mind boggles as to what on earth they are doing there in the first place. It is something to do with the phenomenon of transgender men (women who wish to be identified as men). But however self-identified, transgender men are still biologically women. There is a clue – seemingly hidden in plain sight – in the fact that they menstruate. Therefore, it seems only fair to point out that there is a place where they may find (at no cost) and apply the needful and it is labelled ‘Women’ or ‘Ladies’. Or have I missed the memo about the relabelling of toilets to ‘Take your pick’?

All this is done in the name of avoiding the inevitable letter from ‘Outraged of Cambuslang’ or wee Jeanie (he/she/it/formerly known as big Jimmy) going to the press, en route to her trades union representative to make a fuss. Or is it? Obviously not: it is just another example of Caledonian virtue signalling. A prime example of a solution to a problem that just does not exist. Well, if that’s what transgender men want then who am I to stand in their way? The only place I won’t be standing is next to them at a urinal (work that one out for yourselves).

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Roger Watson
Roger Watson
Roger Watson is a Professor of Nursing.

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