Friday, April 12, 2024
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News from the Emotional Currency Markets


You may well be taking holidays, sickies and ‘working from home’ during this lovely period of climate change we are enjoying. But do not be complacent, for the Emotional Currency Markets never sleep.

There’s been some lively trading on the Twitter Exchange, which always seems to happen when normal people are relaxing and enjoying life.

Take this announcement from the Twitter account of Waterstones in Uxbridge.

The book shop has ramped up on ‘man blaming’ stocks. But are they worth the ether they are published in? On closer examination this could be an entirely fictitious account of evil men who come into the shop and say nasty things about women writers. For no apparent reason. Naturally, demand for man-shaming is high and male stocks are low, so this implausible flotation was universally liked, without any evidence being presented to support even the most optimistic speculations.

Paperchain Podcast received many backers for a very risky venture (see above) which in normal circumstances would be regarded as ‘fairy dust’ or fugazi on Wail Street.

All very odd. But there was more unusual activity.

The Bank of Beeb, regulator of the Emotional Currency Markets and the sentiment government’s banker, has also been tempted to ramp up the moaney supply by printing notes of divisity.

As a Twitter analyst noted, this is Junk Bond Villainy. There is probably no man in the world who would be surprised by a female wine taster – why would anyone find that remotely challenging? – but that didn’t stop Abigail Connolly mentally placing men on a virtual ducking stool in a speculative flotation.

There is a whisper round the City that this South Sea Bubble of shame is due to collapse horribly. There is a dangerous over-leveraging of schmaltz and we could see a cod sentiment collapse.

Presumably, the Beeb – the Grand Old Lady of Needle Street – will have got out by then but, as ever, it’s the ordinary consumers who will pick up the tab when there’s an emotional banking crisis.

There are signs of other inflationary pressures. The little-known MOM Consultancy said, apropos nothing at all, that women are worried and ashamed about outearning their boyfriends. Naturally, this will be all the fault of the men: clearly that is the sub-text of the story.

What does this all mean?

It seems that the demand for stocks of Male-Evolents is far outstripping the supply of Toxic Testosterone. This could lead to hyper inflation and so junk bonds are being issued. This is what’s known on the Emotex (the sentimental futures and options exchange) as a Poncey Scheme. It cannot surely be sustainable. But how many poor innocents will be sucked in and damaged by these boiler-room tactics?

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Nick Booth
Nick Booth
Nick Booth is a freelance writer.

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