Nick Booth: Bad news drought bunkers BBC

Outbreaks of fear and loathing were reported in the BBC newsroom yesterday, as it emerged that unemployment in Britain is down.

Unemployment in the UK fell by 57,000 in the three months to June, official figures show, bringing the jobless rate down to 4.4 per cent - its lowest since 1975, according to the Office for National Statistics.

On hearing the news, semi-permanent guest Owen Jones stormed off set. News reader Simon McCoy treated the news with the same weary contempt he reserves for surfing dogs.

Sophie Raworth bravely continued with her job, although some insiders said she looked as though a cold hand just grabbed at her heart.

Eye witnesses have told of seeing Laura Kuenssberg pleading with the autocue: "Say it ain't so, Joe, say it ain't so!!"

Meanwhile, the normally saintly Emily Maitlis was seen kicking in a plate glass window.

With other accounts of rises in retail spending, and a distinct lack of social unrest to report on, these are dark days for the BBC. Many fear the nightmare scenario might unfold, where people from all nations get on with each other, having found their own independent means of rationalising their differences, through international trade, sports and cultural exchanges. If this could be achieved without constant heavy handed state interference, many people might wonder what the point of Big Government is.

Huw Edwards spoke for the entire newsroom with the plaintive cry: "We're all going to harmony in a handcart!”

Nick Booth

  • Carbonari1848

    Picked up my TV guide last night.
    BBC2 9pm: “No more boys and girls”: Is the way we teach children responsible for the gender pay gap? If we stopped teaching them about gender differences, would the girls do better?

    Put TV guide down, went and did some exercise.

    Here is the latest in the series “what we could do with the money we wasted on the BBC”;
    BBC budget 2013: 3.7bn
    Queen Elizabeth Aircraft carrier: 3.5bn
    The BBC costs us a new aircraft carrier. Per year.

    • Uusikaupunki

      The BBC is as much use to this country as an aircraft carrier with no aircraft…..oh wait…..!

      • Carbonari1848

        Cost of a typhoon fighter: £125million

        We could park the Queen Elizabeth in a harbour for a year, then put 30 of these fighters on it if we got rid of the BBC

        I know the lefties say it’s intellectually dishonest, but this is a question of the efficient deployment of resources. We simply do not need the BBC.

        Of course, you could argue we don’t need an aircraft carrier. In which case, how about using the 3.7bn to pay for another 158,500 border force staff (starting salary £23,330)?

        Lefties argue “oh but there is always money available when the banks need a few hundred billion” etc. But who bailed them out? It was Gordon Brown, the most socialist prime minster of the last 50 years.

        • Nick Booth

          I’d quite like to keep the BBC.

          I just hate the way it’s been ruined.

          When Paul Mason was appointed to Newsnight, on the basis of his politics, rather than the quality of his character – or his CV – that’s when it became really obvious it was a private club.

          But let’s not chuck out Lord Reith’s baby with the bilge water.

          It’s a globally recognised brand. OK, they now employ some global village idiots, but I think it’d be a crying shame to scrap it.

          Still, I might be in a minority there.

          • Guy Family

            The BBC has no redeeming features in its current state. I say scrap the license fee, make the BBC subscription only and see how long it survives.

          • ReefKnot

            Agreed. And since most of the people in clink for non-payment of licence fee are women, it should be easy to get the feminists to support the idea. They might even take to the streets with placards and everything.

          • martianonlooker

            Must be a strange situation whereby women that assault innocent individuals or embezzle thousands from their employer, have a few hours of community service. Seemingly, women that don’t pay the TV tax end up in the slammer.

          • Partridge

            Feminists don’t want women to be held accountable for their criminal actions, whatever they are. They are ‘victims’ for whom there are always excuses, whilst men are vilified and demonised and should be convicted and jailed on a mere accusation.

          • born1945

            That’s because they from two very different backgrounds?

          • It won’t without becoming just another commercial channel, ads every fifteen minutes. Film4 was subscription but it was more lucrative to allow ads instead of a fee.

          • a misplaced modifier

            Reith’s baby has morphed into the worst kind of teenager imaginable. End the BBC now and bring us into the modern world.

            The BBC and its apparatchiks are grossly overpaid and quite unfit for purpose; if a few ‘statues’ such as this outdated monolith get taken away, it would be a very good start.

          • Sir_Hugo_Baskerville

            Of one.

          • born1945

            I think we will find most people want to scrap the television Tax,let the BBC continual according to market forces.

          • Budgie

            I witnessed the BBC describe a Trotskyist shop steward as an “ordinary Midlands working man” as he criticised the “cuts” made by the
            government. That was back in 1976, and the government was Labour. The BBC cannot be trusted. Ever.

          • Dave S

            I used to feel like you but it passed.

          • John Standley

            CNN is also globally recognised…….it’s not a guarantee of excellence.

          • Nick Booth

            I remember when CNN first emerged. It was impressive then. They were too busy churning out news 24 hours a day to start curating it and flavouring it.

            Now it’s pathetic. It’s staffed by global village idiots and they’ve formed themselves into a mob in pursuit of ‘The Monster’ – whose name is currently Trump.

            “I saw him Mansplaining! Horrible it was.”

            “Women aren’t safe with him around! He uses rude words. He’s not like that lovely Mr Clinton”

            “They’re saying he’s from the Patriarchy!”

            AUDIENCE GASPS

            “There be dragons!!!!”

          • I happen to agree with you, there is nothing wrong in a small state broadcaster that is beholden to Mammon.

            For years my solution is to reduce the BBC to two channels and four radio stations, adjust the fee accordingly (or scrap it and fund via general taxation). It would be a vote winner with everyone but BBC staff.

          • amac

            I’d like to see the BBC have it’s news and current affairs departments closed down. Keep the Parliament channel as it informs rather than seeks to persuade viewers.
            There would still be bulletins but no analysis, much like C5.
            I would also do this with C4 as it too takes public money.
            The moment public broadcasters move away from straight reporting the partisanship becomes clear and takes over.
            The gaps that would be left in the TV schedules would allow for the closure of one whole channel and on radio, 4 and 4extra could be merged and 5 live could start broadcasting from 7pm with its sport content and devote itself to full days broadcasting Test matches, Wimbledon and the like when they”re on giving full day coverage.
            A space would open for a news, documentary and current affairs channel as niche broadcaster .LBC has grown over time and a TV equivalent would do the same.
            The drama, sport, wildlife, soaps and all other content would have a larger budget allowing the BBC to compete with the likes of HBO to do some lavish budget drama like Sopranos, Game of Thrones etc.

          • Nick Booth

            They can’t do anything without bring their personal politics into it.

            Maybe everything, from Dr Who to Match of The Day, should be funded from the BBC News Budget. That might be a bit of a squeeze but I’m sure Huw Edwards and Gary Lineker would happily share their salaries, if it meant the cause of equality was being served.

            Actually, that would be a way of bringing the BBC to order. Accountancy.

            Meanwhile the Sports Department, which no longer has to fund Match of the Day, would have a fortune to play with. They could start covering other sports, like Fishing, Skittles and Knock Down Ginger.

          • Terry Mushroom

            Fair comment. But how would you bring the BBC to book, as it were? To keep the best and deal with the worst?

          • Nick Booth

            Accountancy. That’s how they got Al Capone.

            All programmes that are deemed to have a political bias would have to be paid for under the budget of BBC News.

            So any programme that comes with heavy handed social messaging would have to be funded by whoever manages the budget for News. There are subtle political messages ingrained in everything the BBC does now, from Holby City to What’s the Story in Balamory. They are no longer entertainment, but spinfomercials.

            In to afford all these new budgetary responsibilities, BBC News would have to whittle down the Premiership footballer wages they pay people like Huw Edwards. Either that, or de-radicalise light entertainment so that it no longer becomes a political entity.

    • Two-steps-forward

      If there are no more ‘ladies & gentlemen’ then surely the gender pay gap cannot exist? Or is that different?

  • Labour_is_bunk

    Someone pointed out on TCW the other day that those who push immigration at all costs tend to live in posh areas, so are insulated from its undesirable knock-on effects.
    I’m sure the same applies to the above-mentioned folk who advocate, erm, “robust” action, just in case they get what they wish for and so can safely keep their heads down when the brickbats begin to fly.

  • Dynamo11

    Unemployment is at a 45 year low, yet a full quarter of the unemployed are migrants. How long can we keep this charade up

    • Bill

      This charade is the cancer of political correctness, the same malignancy that prevents politicians and anyone else mentioning the solid fact that the terrorism in Barcelona, and which hit those poor people in Manchester and on London Bridge, is perpetrated by medieval Muslims intent on destroying our civilisation. The usual whitewash phrase is that they are “Asians.” That’s an insult to Indians, Sri Lankans, Sikhs, Hindus and most Bangladeshis.

      What a state we’ve reached when daring to say a murdering criminal or a Rotherham rapist is a Muslim is considered more worthy of condemnation than the actual mass murders themselves. Over to you, Jeremy.

  • geordieboy

    Scrap the BBC and watch the Snowflakes lining up for Dignitas. Bring it on.

  • Colkitto03

    Brilliant Nick
    I have just watched a completely gutted BBC news lady who had to interview a leave Tory MP on why we wont need to enforce Visas on Europeans after we leave.
    That wasn’t in the script!!

  • Hotrobuk

    When is that useless Secretary of State for the Culture, Media and Sport going to surface from her bunker and actually do a day’s work that we, the taxpayer, pay her for? Bradley’s first job when she does decide to do surface should be to sell the BBC off to the highest bidders, put the money into HMG coffers and stop the Telly Tax.

    • Colkitto03

      And then give complete control of SKY to the Fox network.

    • Politically__Incorrect

      You’re assuming somebody would want to buy it. I suppose the real estate could be turned into pound-shops, but the management and presenters? Would you hire them?

      • Hotrobuk

        As an employer of over 65 great staff, I can honestly say I would not give anybody who worked for the BBC houseroom if they applied for a job with my Company, the only thing they would get from me would be directions to the way out, the last thing my company needs is to be inhabited by Lefties and Snowflakes.

  • Carbonari1848

    OK here is my definitive rant on the subject. After this I will shut up and stop boring you all.

    The BBC is funded by a regressive tax of £147 which is levied on everyone regardless of the individual’s ability to pay. At a time when thousands of TV channels are available, it alone demands support from the taxpayer. It routinely jails people – predominantly poorer young women – who cannot pay this tax.

    It consistently marginalises conservative political opinions and promotes left wing ideology. On religion, it promotes anti-christian values on abortion and homosexuality while refusing to examine Muslim attitudes towards women, social integration and anti-semitism. On gender, it promotes a rigidly feminist viewpoint and routinely ignores the deepest concerns of men’s rights activists while publicising the most trivial feminist causes.

    On immigration it seeks to marginalise the opinions of millions of British people who are forced to live with the consequences of an influx of foreigners who cannot speak our language, have no respect for our traditions, and instantly require the support of our public services before they have contributed a penny in tax towards those services.

    On Brexit it is blind to the opportunities and consistently emphasizes the risks. Where it refused to publicise the many critical voices in America raised against President Obama, it routinely gives national exposure to the critics of President Trump.

    At a time when we need to cut public spending to address a huge national debt, the BBC continues to operate 11 radio channels and 6 TV channels, many of which simply play music that can be obtained elsewhere or broadcast news that is freely available from a thousand other outlets. With the money it costs us every year (£3.7bn as of 2013), we could afford ALL of these things;

    1 New super-prison at £250m
    10,000 prison officers at £21,400 each
    50,000 police officers at £22,962 each
    3 new specialist emergency care hospital at £90m each
    50,000 nurses at £22,128 each
    25,000 infantry soldiers at £14,931 each
    2,500 infantry officers at £25,984 each
    10,000 teachers at £22,467 each
    50 Free schools at £5m each

    Neither the method or the extent of the BBC’s funding can possibly be justified. It is at best a bloated bureaucracy and at worst a harbour for political views that are damaging the fabric of this country.

    Its budget should be cut to a tenth of the current level immediately and the money spent on a series of far more productive and important activities that are urgently needed in this country.

  • Dr Evil

    Is this Despite Brexit by any chance?

  • JustAnotherPoster

    Can parliament just take a permanent holiday ? the UK seems to function perfectly fine without it…..

  • Harley Quin

    Drought or not, the BBC spin department will see to it that bad news there will be. If it’s hard going on Brexit and so forth in Britain, there’s always Donald Trump to work on.

    • paul parmenter

      Trump is indeed the gift that keeps on giving. I too have noticed that when there is no fresh bad news available to blame on Brexit, the Beeb will happily poke their US correspondents to rake up the latest group or individual – indeed any group or individual – complaining or protesting about Trump.

  • Royinsouthwest

    Meanwhile, the normally saintly Emily Maitlis was seen kicking in a plate glass window.

    As she is a prominent victim of the gender pay gap shouldn’t that be “a plate glass ceiling?”

    • Tony in Southwark

      ‘Victim’?

      • Royinsouthwest

        Doesn’t anybody recognise irony when they see it nowadays?

        • Bill

          My mother used to do the irony on a Monday morning.

          • Bill 1112

            My wife wanted an i-pad but I got her an i-ron instead. far more useful/

    • Bill

      Emily would struggle to put her foot through a piece of wet cardboard.

  • Muttley

    I’m not sure about this take on things. The BBC are past masters at finding the bad news in anything good for Britain. If in doubt, they can always stick “Despite Brexit …” on the front to make themselves feel better.

  • Dave S

    I hear exports through Southampton are doing very well.
    Cars in particular. More bad news for the BBC.

  • Politically__Incorrect

    I’m sure the BBC could spin this to fit their political agenda. “That means 57000 fewer jobs for illegal immigrants and radicalised jihadists. Why has the (Tory) government allowed this shortfall in job vacancies to happen, which will almost certainly be the cause of the next terrorist attack too.”.

  • SonofBoudica

    No doubt the BBC will blame the Barcelona atrocity on Brexit, somehow.

  • Dodgy Geezer

    The ‘Barcelona atrocity’ was reported very confusingly by the BBC as an ‘attack’. The words ‘terrorism’ or Muslim’ were notably absent from the whole article, leaving the reader to wonder if this was a domestic disturbance, or a robbery gone wrong…

    Eventually they did add that ISIS has claimed responsibility, but followed this with a disclaimer that there was no way to prove that this was a Muslim attack….

    I suppose their view is that if they don’t report things they just don’t happen….

    • Nick Booth

      They’re probably thinking of a way to blame Donald Trump.

      The BBC now sees all world news through the prism of Trump Goggles.

      Wasn’t there a passage in the bible about removing the smote from thy eye?

      I wish I’d looked up what smote actually means. Smote was probably the Donald Trump of the biblical age.

      • Dodgy Geezer

        Matthew 7:5. Remove the beam from your eye before attending to the MOTE in your brother’s.

        The Mote was a small furry animal that used to live in carpenter’s eyebrows in Biblical times. It could easily drop into your eye, and if it did, this was seen as a sign of good luck for the person standing next to you. Jesus was warning people not to smile while attending to someone’s mote at the thought of all the good luck you were about to enjoy, because otherwise the Mote might think that the probing was a game, and make itself even harder to remove….

        • Nick Booth

          Thanks for that. I’ve actually learned something useful today.

          I’ve been writing a white paper on open stack software, for a committee of people who all contradict each other, not directly, but by taking their anger out on Track Changes, which is a modern form of torture which should be made illegal. Frankly I’m losing the will to live.

          So your biblical education has helped me to cope.

          • wolfhound

            See my reply to the well-named Dodgy Geezer.

          • Nick Booth

            They made animals out of dust and they lived in a carpenter’s eyebrows?

          • wolfhound

            A mote was a speck of (saw) dust in the eye.

            Perhaps Dodgy was thinking of a mole 😉

          • Dodgy Geezer

            Nonsense! A mole is a small area of discoloured skin. You must remember that carpenter’s eyebrows were much bigger in biblical times than they are today….

          • wolfhound
          • Dodgy Geezer
        • wolfhound

          Er, no. That answer is worthy of the Private Eye column of useless explanations 😉

          A mote is a speck of dust; as could be guessed from the reference to a beam (of wood).

    • wolfhound

      It seems that Welsh numpty, Leanne Wood, and the widower of Saint Jo, are claiming that Barcelona was a “fascist/right-wing” attack. CNN are claiming the attack was copied on the Charlottesville incident. Shows you how much CNN knows about recent news in Europe.

      In other words, NTDWI.

  • Fourmyle of Ceres

    dont pay the BBC TAX

    • John Standley

      I don’t.