Outbreaks of fear and loathing were reported in the BBC newsroom yesterday, as it emerged that unemployment in Britain is down.
Unemployment in the UK fell by 57,000 in the three months to June, official figures show, bringing the jobless rate down to 4.4 per cent – its lowest since 1975, according to the Office for National Statistics.
On hearing the news, semi-permanent guest Owen Jones stormed off set. News reader Simon McCoy treated the news with the same weary contempt he reserves for surfing dogs.
Sophie Raworth bravely continued with her job, although some insiders said she looked as though a cold hand just grabbed at her heart.
Eye witnesses have told of seeing Laura Kuenssberg pleading with the autocue: “Say it ain’t so, Joe, say it ain’t so!!”
Meanwhile, the normally saintly Emily Maitlis was seen kicking in a plate glass window.
With other accounts of rises in retail spending, and a distinct lack of social unrest to report on, these are dark days for the BBC. Many fear the nightmare scenario might unfold, where people from all nations get on with each other, having found their own independent means of rationalising their differences, through international trade, sports and cultural exchanges. If this could be achieved without constant heavy handed state interference, many people might wonder what the point of Big Government is.
Huw Edwards spoke for the entire newsroom with the plaintive cry: “We’re all going to harmony in a handcart!”