Wednesday, May 29, 2024
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Nick Booth: Diversity officers sow the seeds of division


A controversial new management-level appointment has rocked the Church of Racism to its foundation.

The prejudice-based faith is now such a broad church that it’s had to appoint its first Divisity Officer in order to stop people getting on with each other.

As racism became a multi-ethnic concern, people in that brand community started to recognise that they had complementary talents. Soon they began trading with each other. The establishment of a market meant that people began to recognise each other’s talents and place trust in each other. Amid rising levels of social intimacy, brought about by the free market for intellectual capital, class and ethnic barriers began to lower. Soon conditions were being created for a less controllable, more fluid type of society. Elders in the Church of Racism moved quickly to eradicate the problem.

Mary Simkins, who is to fulfil the new role, says her past employment as a Diversity Officer for Suburbiton Council makes her perfectly qualified for the job. “As a Diversity Officer I have always been passionate about identifying people’s differences, highlighting them and creating new areas of hostility and mutual suspicion which never existed before,” said Simkins, “I have always delivered morale-sapping sermons, on time and over budget, for my employers, while consistently self-promoting. My moral exhibitionism is second to none and my emotional grandstanding is unparalleled. This makes me perfectly qualified to create a bitterly divisive society. I am more than confident I can be the Divisity Officer who takes the human condition to new depths of despair.”

Selectors were impressed by Simkins’s posturing, coupled with the disparity between her words and her actions. “Simkins embodies the spirit of Alastair Campbell, Diane Abbott and Polly Toynbee. She says she’s in favour of social harmony but her behaviour suggests an entirely different social attitude. She is taking the post of diversity officer to its logical conclusion,” said the Archbishop of Cant, for the Church of Racism.

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Nick Booth
Nick Booth
Nick Booth is a freelance writer.

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