Zeitgeist Media is to launch Britain’s first newspaper for news puzzle lovers The Daily Injunction.
The Injunction, as insiders working on the debut edition call, it will be the first newspaper deliberately to withhold the names of what Christopher Hitchens once called, “the wankers, bankers and spankers”. The publishing product is a response to what Zeitgiest Media calls ‘The Carter Ruck Effect’, where an injunction creates a massive public appetite for more details. Data scientists have even identified a formula, known as PJS’s Law, which states the pressure of a fixed mass of public interest is inversely proportional to the force of the injunction, if all other conditions remain equal. “The bigger the injunction, the more people want to laugh at your client,” explained one data scientist.
Publishers of The Daily Injunction say the publication will cater for the public’s twin love of puzzles and the natural curiosity aroused when free speech has to dance to the tune of corporate lawyers, a phenomenon known as Puttin’ on The Writs.
With the traditional newspaper model dead, Zeitgeist Media is one of a number of publishing houses experimenting with new formats, which take the relationship with the readers into new areas.
The Daily Chilcott, for example, which recently launched to massive acclaim, caters for fans of slow news in a long form read. Its first edition led with the revelation that: ‘computers may one day be can be networked together’. In further breaking news, it predicts the creation of an ‘Internet’, a confluence of computing resources that can share information.
This so-called Internet could be used for downloading tech stock news onto your fridge, recipes onto your microwave and democratising society. By 2001, The Chilcott claims, all diseases will be eradicated, there will be equal opportunity and everyone will work in services, selling coffee to each other. There may be some porn on the Internet too.
In other news, The Daily Chilcott has broken the story about how people aren’t buying records any more, because new indestructible ‘compact discs’ are proving more popular with the pop pickers who want the latest tunes on the hit parade. These so-called CDs can store the entire American Library of Congress, if it was set to music, and they still work perfectly even if you freeze them in liquid nitrogen then smash them on the floor.
In the colour supplement, there is a fascinating interview with crusading prime minister Tony Blair and his Rasputin-like mentor Alastair Campbell.
Lord Chilcott was unavailable for comment, but may release a statement in 2020.