Surely, immigration is such a dangerous subject now, only qualified people should be allowed to discuss it.
In the wrong hands, a debate led by Owen Jones, Lily Allen or Gary Lineker only pours petrol on the flames, through the sheer irresponsibility of the people leading it.
My proposal is for an Incendiary Topics Licence.
This involves passing an Adult Debate Proficiency Test, which proves you can complete certain tasks.
Debating, for at least 60 seconds, without likening your opponent to Hitler. This is something that few TV talking heads have the maturity to do. Anyone found to have an MTHC Score (Meantime To Hitler Comparison) of under 10 seconds would be banned from not just TV stations, but have their internet confiscated too.
Anyone who flogs junk food to kids (such as Walkers Crisps) would not be allowed to issue any exhortations to “think about the children”.
Anyone applying ‘Lily Allen logic’, where you accuse people that you’ve never met, of bigotry, will have their licences revoked.
No stand-up comedians should be allowed to take part in any public debate, unless they can prove they once had a proper job.
Does anyone else want to contribute further to this proposal before I send it to the Home Secretary?