Announcing a new season of Murdertainment on BBC One, starring Sally Standup as DS Libby Luvvie – who is no ordinary Left-wing cop with a difference.
The opening episode of Luvvie’s Law starts with a bloodbath and gets nastier by the slash.
There’s a murderer loose in the minds of the BBC Drama Department. A child-abusing misogynist with a taste for torture has been dreamt up by the head of drama, and has escaped from the imagination of their favourite script writer. Now he’s been sharpened by the script editor and is cutting up rough with the best-looking women in the resort of Nimbytown-on-Sea.
Detective Sergeant Luvvy has just 48 minutes to emote over the case and look disgusted. She is righteously sickened by the male violence that the commissioner, writer and director have so lovingly created.
So far, so BBC. But there’s a twist. The fictional murderer seems to have changed his modus operandi. It seems there’s a second fantasy serial killer – a rejected character from a previous show. Now he’s punching up the script and raising excitement with crueller methods of torture. Soon these two killers are reaching new heights of horror, egging each other on. Increasingly grisly methods of killing and mutilation are being imagined up and acted out.
Meanwhile, there’s a sub-plot involving, say, the miners’ strike or the EU referendum. It turns out Luvvy’s dad was a socialist who was injured in the war by some heavy-handed symbolism. He’s there to lend some poignancy, contextualise the need for violence and make subtle implications about ‘The Far Right’. Because people who don’t vote Labour are the root of all evil.
It seems the serial killers are there for different things. One is after a BAFTA. The other is hooking for Ratings. And they will stop at nothing to get them. Even if it means feeding a cast of lovelies and vulnerable children into a mincing machine. And filming long shots of naked breasts on brutalised female bodies.
Is this killing just for the sake of it? Goodness no, this is the BBC!
This is a Murdertainment show that provokes debate. People will be asking questions such as: if the BBC are such nice people, why does their drama department love serial killers so much? Why is it OK to kill for ratings? And what sort of person thinks up ever more dreadful ways of killing women and children, just so they can do some moral posturing?
Answers on a treatment, please!