Brexit has created a devastating new health issue that can be directly blamed on David Davis, Kate Hoey and the ‘extremely Right’ democratic terror group, Vote Leave.
The potentially deadly social virus is a mixture of two known conditions, Munchausen’s Sydrome and DPD (Despite Brexit Disorder), a British version of the French ‘nostalgie de la boue’. The two friends in viral form have interbred to create a phenomenon that spin doctors are calling Brex-Hausen’s coverage.
Munchausen’s is described by the NHS as a ‘factitious illness’ in which the sufferer pretends to be injured or fakes the symptoms of injury. Celebrity casualties include a well-known pop singer who claimed to have been insulted in the street by London taxi drivers and another ‘star’ who claimed to have received death threats.
In the former case, no evidence was available to back the claims. More seriously, in the latter case the ‘victim’, identified as an ‘early stage TV personality’ claimed he had been subject to homophobic death threats after winning a reality TV show. Later, he admitted that the death threats were made up because, he said, everybody does it.
Speaking on the NHS website, psychiatrist Dr Christopher Bass says Munchausen’s is inspired by a need to inhabit the ‘sick role’. This victim status is more likely to be developed among adults (aka ‘voters’) and is four times more common in females than males, according to Bass.
A more recent variation of the condition is Munchausen’s Syndrome by Proxy, in which symptoms of illness are projected onto others. This behaviour was first identified when some carers would deliberately make their charges (usually children) ill, presumably in order to gain some control and approval for looking after them.
In a sinister development, this tool of social manipulation has spread to many sections of the entertainment industry and the media. Injury projections and public displays of emoting are becoming increasingly common among everyone from anchormen to actors. “Nobody who works in front of a camera or a live audience is safe,” warned an expert.
Since the Referendum in June, incidents of Munchausen’s Syndrome by Luvvie have gone through the roof and the public has been shell shocked by constant insulting accusations over imaginary crimes and non-existent prejudices.
There has also been an alarming rise in Despite Brexit Disorder, especially in the BBC, The Guardian and The New Statesman. In each of these sects, the walls of the newsrooms carry ‘grimspirational’ posters, urging hacks to plumb new depths of gloom and create a suffocating atmosphere of pessimism. “Make It Sad”, says a poster in the BBC canteen. “Made it Bad”, says the poster at The Guardian. “Make it up”, says the poster at BuzzFake magazine.
However, there are signs the situation has got ten times worse when the two behvioural viruses merged into two lethal forms, Brex-Hausen’s Syndrome and Brex-Hausen’s Syndrome by Coverage.
The first known case of Brex-Hausen’s Syndrome was identified yesterday in The Guardian.
In the outbreak, the bereft-leaning paper’s Despite Brexit Correspondent, Lisa O’Carroll, seems to be desperately projecting awful social injuries onto the Swedish people. Naturally a recent exercise in democracy was blamed.
In a report O’Carroll accuses British people of xenophobia and hate crimes against our north Germanic cousins. The news story might not make sense to many people. Even if there are people in Britain small minded enough to hate foreigners, Swedes would be so far down the list nobody would ever find the time to abuse them. Besides, critics point out, most of the 100,000 Swedes that live in the UK are likely to live in London, where the worst offence against Swedish sensibilities is likely to be indifference.
Despite the lack of logic or firm evidence, the patient can be observed ploughing on with the story, oblivious to the effect this social divisiveness has on others. Until The Referendum, little has been known about those who belong on the so called ‘Extreme Sanctimonious Spectrum’. But, a democracy experiment showed, the desperate need to been seen in a good light, frequently at other people’s expense, can be devastating.
Is there no antidote to the pernicious spread of this beastly disease?
There may be some good news on the horizon. According to monitoring agency GriefWatch, there are signs that many Remainiacs may be adjusting to their democracy aversion. A small number are no longer in the denial stage of their reaction to free speech and the will of the people. Though most are still in anger and bargaining, frequently both, there are some promsing signs. Some optimists say that by 2020, many of today’s Remainiacs might have moved to the acceptance stage of grief. In the meantime, the public have been asked to keep calm and carry on.
(Image: Garry Knight)