Friday, April 19, 2024
HomeLaura PerrinsOK, St Greta, you’ve won

OK, St Greta, you’ve won


I KNOW one person who will be just loving this Cost of Living Crisis, and that person is Greta Thunberg. You remember St Greta, dear reader? Of course you do, how could you forget her? She is the climate change activist that British politicians were falling over themselves to get to back in 2019, when she was 16. She came to Britain to trash our energy policy, and I tell you the MPs just could not get enough of her. 

Greta: ‘The UK’s active current support of new exploitation of fossil fuels, like for example the UK shale gas fracking industry, the expansion of its North Sea oil and gas fields, the expansion of airports, as well as the planning permission for a brand-new coalmine, is beyond absurd.’

But don’t worry – Nick Robinson gave Greta a tough grilling on Radio 4, as she was demanding significant changes to our energy policy that would really impact our lives. Just kidding! Nick thought she was the bee’s knees too. 

Anyway, have you noticed that all the things we are now struggling to do are conveniently many of the things the climate change loons wanted? We are now driving less, ‘the average UK driver is now covering the equivalent of London to Aberdeen less than they were in pre-pandemic times, and we expect this decade-long trend to continue.’  Gosh, that is an amazing thing – all it took was a pandemic, a lockdown and a lockdown-induced economic crisis and suddenly we are doing exactly what Greta wanted us to do. 

We are also flying less and eating less meat and fish. ‘Shoppers are cutting back on alcohol, meat, fish and poultry as household budgets come under pressure from the crisis in the cost of living.’ 

In fact, some people are giving up on living in the daytime altogether and are being forced to go to bed early to cut back on energy use. ‘People were going to bed earlier, taking quicker showers and using a slow cooker instead of an oven in order to cut costs.’ 

So perhaps we will all go back to cave-dwelling living – when it’s dark you go to bed, when it is light it is safe to emerge from your hovel. That’s OK in the summer, but not great for the winter. 

And don’t get me started on the War on Tumble Dryers. Have you noticed how every second article orders you to give up your tumble dryer? I’m surprised the feminists have not got on their high horse about this, as we all know that it is the women that will end up doing the time-killing activity that is drying laundry using just the power of the sun. 

Sure, next they will be telling you to go the whole hog and throw out your washing machine and return to the days of the hand clothes wringer instead. You can actually get these on Amazon. 

Now I’m not telling you this was all part of some great plan – that the evildoers got around and declared war on modern living. That would make me a conspiracy theorist. That would make me crazy. And no one wants to be a crazy conspiracy theorist.

But what I have noticed, what has caught my eye, what has grabbed my attention, dear reader, is the amazing coincidence, the utterly shocking coalescing of events that has resulted in all the things that the eco warriors desired, have (I tell you most solemnly) come to pass. 

They wanted us to drive and fly less – come to pass. 

They wanted us to eat less meat – come to pass. 

They wanted us to turn down the heat and dry our clothes by the Energy of the Blessed Sun God – come to pass. 

We can only hope and pray that all of this pain shall placate the angriest of the Climate Deities and Greta Thunberg.

But it must be borne in mind that these people will not be satisfied until we are all eating our bug salads around the camp fire having chucked our boiler, tumble dryer and washing machine on the eco-scrap heap, and are cycling around our local areas for the rest of our lives. 

Not for you the joys of travel, eating steak or completing simple household tasks using the power of white goods. No – that is only for the jet set. You, dear reader, get to go to Blackpool. 

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