THE Woke Coronation has hit a stumbling block on the rainbow-painted road. After taking a break from Taking the Knee, some lemming at the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport (without the ‘Digital’ since yesterday’s reshuffle) decided to include a track by a person who goes by the name of Dizzee Rascal, Dance Wiv Me, on an official government playlist of 28 songs compiled to celebrate the King’s Coronation. I can feel your excitement.
And what a rascal Mr Rascal is, dear reader, as it turns out that he has a conviction for domestic violence. What a pickle! Someone didn’t do their research and once it was pointed out that one should not have a convicted wife-beater on one’s Coronation playlist, the song had to be pulled.
I don’t think I will dance ‘wiv’ you, thanks all the same, you don’t sound like my kind of guy.
Anyway, they are all getting down with the kids on this ‘government approved playlist’ (a mark of shame for any artist, I would have thought). This list includes Come Together by the Beatles, Daddy Cool by Boney M, Treat People With Kindness by Harry Styles, Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush, Say You’ll Be There by the Spice Girls, King by Years & Years, and Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. I’m kidding about the last one, but you knew that.
Mr Rascal’s real name is Dylan Mills and last year he was found guilty of assaulting his ex-fiancée Cassandra Jones by pressing his forehead against hers and pushing her to the floor during a ‘chaotic’ row after he barged into her south London home in June 2021.
Jones, who has two children by Mills, told the court: ‘He reached his red mist where he just doesn’t care.’ Mills, who was appointed MBE for services to music in the Queen’s Birthday Honours in 2020 (of course he was), was given a community order, a 24-week curfew and a 12-month restraining order banning him from contacting his former partner. He lost an appeal against conviction last month.
So, the lemmings must have had a bit of panic once this was flagged up and have promptly removed Mr Mills from the songlist. If only we could cancel the whole Woke Coronation, as it sounds like something you will want to miss. We are told that on the Sunday a Coronation Concert will be held by the BBC at Windsor Castle. The concert will feature the Coronation Choir – a diverse group created from the nation’s keenest community choirs and amateur singers from across the UK – including refugee choirs, NHS choirs, LGBTQ+ singing groups and deaf signing choirs.
Gosh, I just cannot wait, I’ll have to clear my diary for this one. What you will not have is a Taxpayers Who Pay For All This Choir, a Taxpayers Who Pay For The Royal Freeloaders Choir or a Choir Of The Lifelong Traditionally Married. This would not mesh well with the self-confessed adulterer who will be crowned next to the woman he committed adultery with. So brazen was the adultery that he admitted it on national TV. Truly, I tell you, it takes gaslighting to an entirely new level.
In fact, thinking about it, I might have to get on a plane and fly somewhere else for the weekend. Anywhere will do. And you, dear reader, might want to do the same. I might even go wiv you.