Tuesday, October 20, 2020
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Parliamentary situations vacant

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LIKE everyone, I am increasingly disgusted at the way MPs keep their jobs in circumstances in which they shouldn’t. So here is a job advertisement:

Our Party (Conservatives or Labour – this ad works for both) needs new candidates. Stand for Parliament and we promise you:

Once elected you won’t have to pretend you respect national Referendum results or our Election Manifesto;

You may resign from our Party whenever you want and you’ll keep your job and will be able to vote in Parliament however you wish until the next General Election;

If your constituency deselects you you’ll keep your job and will be able to vote in Parliament however you wish until the next GE;

If you are convicted of a crime and we chuck you out of our Party you’ll keep your job and will be able to vote in Parliament however you wish until the next GE.

There is only one thing we will ask of you: please don’t die in office because then we’ll have to run a by-election.

If I said ‘stuff you’ to my boss or the clients who ultimately pay my wages I’d be sacked immediately, not kept on to do whatever I wanted until 2022. Member of Parliament? Nice work if you can get it.

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Jamila Maxwell
A British Citizen living in Australia.

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