Police headquarters, Amsterdam
‘YES, what is it, Inspector Kroon?’
– ‘There’s been a big bust at the docks, Commissioner Van der Valk. A ferry just got in from Harwich and a British lorry has been stopped. It looks dodgy.’
‘Right, let’s get down there – fully armed, bulletproof vests, blue lights, siren, the lot.’
– ‘Yes, boss!’
‘Right, here we are at the ferry terminal, Kroon. And there’s the stash Customs found in that lorry driver’s cab. Let’s see, now – block of heroin, no problem. Bag of cocaine – not bothered. Porn magazines – who cares? Hang on, what’s this? My God, Kroon, look at this!’
– ‘Bloody hell, boss … a packet of ham and cheese sandwiches. With mustard!’
‘That’s right, Kroon, with mustard! Colman’s mustard, if my taste buds aren’t playing me false. Ah-ha, see that label? They’re Marks & Spencer sandwiches!’
– ‘Marks & Spencer?’
‘That’s right, Kroon. We’re dealing with top-grade merchandise here – none of your cheap, watery, wafer-thin ham and rubbery processed cheese slices. Hmmm … just get a whiff of that thick, tangy, Extra Mature Cheddar.’
– ‘They must be worth quite a bit, boss.’
‘Yes, definitely. A street value of, let’s see … could be five euros a packet.’
– ‘There’s lots more sandwiches here in the back of the lorry, boss. Look … chicken and avocado, tuna and sweetcorn, cheese and pickle, BLT, beef and onion, turkey and stuffing.’
‘What does the British driver say?’
– ‘He says they’re all for his personal use. He’s driving all the way to Italy and he can’t stand what he calls “that foreign muck”.’
‘A likely story. Book him, Kroon!’
– ‘Yes, sir!’
‘You know, Kroon my boy, this is serious stuff. If this lot got on to the streets, the whole country could become addicted. I mean, who’d want to eat Dutch stuff like slimy raw herring with gherkins and onions, or deep-fried skinless pork sausage, when they could have snacks like this?
– ‘I see what you mean, boss.’
‘Get in touch with Chief Commissioner Samson back at headquarters and tell him I want all 20 of my squad sent down here right away.’
– ‘Okay, boss. Are we going to deploy for a shakedown of the whole terminal?’
‘No, Kroon, it’s lunchtime. All these delicious British sandwiches aren’t going to eat themselves, are they?’
