Tuesday, April 16, 2024
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Praise the Lord, for she is kind


THE Telegraph reports that the Church of England Archdeacon of Liverpool, Miranda Threlfall-Holmes, tweeted that she ‘went to a conference on whiteness last autumn. It was very good, very interesting and made me realise: whiteness is to race as patriarchy is to gender. So yes, let’s have anti whiteness, & let’s smash the patriarchy. That’s not anti-white, or anti-men, it’s anti-oppression’

The day-long Racial Justice Conference attended by Dr Threlfall-Holmes in Birmingham last October was devoted to ‘waking up to and addressing whiteness in the Anglican Church’. It was organised by Reconciliation Initiatives, a charity working in partnership with Coventry Cathedral, which laughably claims to help churches ‘contribute to reconciliation in wider society’.

Penelope Thwaites-Fotherington, another Church of England Archdeacon, attended the same conference and she had this to add to Miranda’s thoughtful observations.

For far too long I was blind. I foolishly thought Jesus was definitely a man. Having been to the conference now I realise what a fool I have been. There can be no doubt. Jesus was a woman, or at least a trans woman. How could a man be so kind? How could a man heal the sick? How could a man inspire millions of people? What man would allow himself to be horribly tortured and put to death? 

I have yet to meet a man who could have done any of the things that Jesus did. Not only that, Her apostles were certainly ladies. You only have to look at the nice long hair you can see in the paintings. They are all sitting nicely round the table without lounging or arguing. The beards you see were no doubt added for the convenience of the male oppressors. Typical male behaviour!

Men are such brutes. Were it not for us women they would still live in caves and wander around in rancid animal skins that they would never wash. They are always fighting or talking about beer or football. I learned at the conference that the worst of them are the white ones. Make no mistake, they are utterly despicable. Everything they do and say is designed to denigrate us women, and I have yet to meet one who puts down the toilet seat!

It is time for the Church of England to grasp the nettle and get rid of those hateful creatures. I have a strong feeling that the Archbishop of Canterbury may be aware of his role in this tyranny and we demand that he lays down his mitre immediately! In the name of all that is holy, go!

When he is gone, I am ready. Yes, I will act with my friend Miranda. There will be no mercy. All traces of the oppressive white patriarchy will be banished. Not a single trace of the evil oppressors will remain. Their names will be expunged from all documents. No white male will darken the doors of our churches ever again. (Non-white males may enter if they behave themselves and sit in their allocated pews.)

Long live the matriarchy!

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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