Saturday, June 19, 2021
HomeCOVID-19Punishment time for Ivan Dennison (Covid Marshal Grade One)

Punishment time for Ivan Dennison (Covid Marshal Grade One)

-

WE missed our fines quota. We have been demoted to Grade Ones.

I blame Jordan. He blames his absences from work on his reactions to the latest vaccine. 

There are consequences for missing our quota for two consecutive weeks.

We thought we had a chance at the end of the second week when we heard singing coming from a church. That would have given us up to thirty fines. Thirty is the maximum number of people allowed in places of worship other than mosques. Unfortunately the music was a recording.

Not only have we been demoted but we are required to spend a month on duty at the Re-education and Personal Development Centre on Arran. 

It is bleak and cold here on the island. When there is no wind, the batteries give us power for only twenty minutes. Our accommodation is basic. The insect-based diet is debilitating. Jordan moans incessantly about his gout and the loss of his beer allowance.

The number of these places is a state secret. They are scattered around the west coast of Scotland. Rumour has it that there are more than a hundred, each with up to a thousand ‘trainees’.

People are brought here for various offences. In this camp the roll call is as follows:

Wood burning 102

Quarantine violations 34

Vaccine refuseniks 212

Unapproved travel 62

Undermining the Great Reset (UTGR) 173

Inappropriate hugging 47

Harbouring illegal dogs 26

Rearing illegal livestock 68

Failure to clap enthusiastically for our Glorious Health Workers 122

Mask Violations 44

Unspecified / Various 87

Our day begins at 7. We assemble in the courtyard and walk around in pairs waving our truncheons to the sound of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s The March of the Covid Marshals blaring from the loud speakers. It is intended to intimidate the trainees: it certainly terrifies me.

Escape is impossible from these island camps. The Chinese security system monitors the movement of every trainee. In the short time they are not dismantling redundant electric vehicle batteries or repackaging Chinese masks, they are allowed to roam around the island. The fitter ones scavenge for shrimps and crabs in the rock pools.

Yesterday was the Centre Manager’s birthday and everyone got an extra slug with their dinner. I gave mine to Jordan.

- Advertisement -

If you appreciated this article, perhaps you might consider making a donation to The Conservative Woman. Unlike most other websites, we receive no independent funding. Our editors are unpaid and work entirely voluntarily as do the majority of our contributors but there are inevitable costs associated with running a website. We depend on our readers to help us, either with regular or one-off payments. You can donate here. Thank you.

John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is the co-author of Steam Dreams and other interesting stories. He has generously donated his vaccine to the people of France. John is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood.

Sign up for The ConWom News

Each morning we send The ConWom Daily with links to our latest news. This is a free service and we will never share your details.