In response to The Conservative Woman: Boris wins first Tory leadership vote,
Just home to find the postman has left me a small padded envelope.
Inside, a life-size Rory Stewart. No instructions, and no obvious use. Mounted on a stick, it might do for a bird scarer; or, with a suitable model toadstool, an admirable garden gnome. If I was keen on modelling The Lord of the Rings, it would make an ideal young Gollum. But I’m not.
You can’t put him in the recycling – there’s already a huge excess of useless crypto-Blairite politicians – and I can’t send him back, since we have no idea where he suddenly sprang from. Perhaps he could be Jo Brand’s plus one next time the Star Wars franchise is casting Jabba the Hutt. Fold neatly, slip in envelope, and place in box for charity shop.