In response to Andrew Cadman: Chequemate for Parliament, Colonel Mustard wrote:

That silly woman’s latest wheeze is a Minister for the Prevention of Suicide. Here are a few more ministers she might consider:

Minister for the Prevention of Common Sense
Minister for Distraction
Minister for Devising Silly Costumes for Marathon Running
Minister for Advanced Robotics in Dancing
Minister for Keeping Britain Tidy
Minister for Making Sure Children Play Nicely
Minister for Not Saying What We Mean and Not Doing What We Say