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Friday, March 1, 2024
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HomeCulture WarsRejoice! Our NHS is 75

Rejoice! Our NHS is 75

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A PARTY was held yesterday in Westminster Hall to celebrate the 75th anniversary of our wonderful National Health Service. Invitees included staff from the NHS, the Department of Health and Social Care, health agencies, ministers and former ministers, and a selection of patients awaiting various treatments.

Following a buffet of typical hospital food, the participants had the opportunity to play traditional party games including:

Grandma’s Footsteps

Matt Hancock turned his back as patients who were grandmas were instructed to leave the party. They were then taken to care homes and dosed with midazolam and morphine.

Pin the Tail on the Donkey

This was a doddle for GPs and nurses. In a variation of the popular game, participants were blindfolded as they took turns to place a syringe into the arm of a willing patient. The patient received more than 20 boosters in five minutes.

Quiz

Teams of NHS jabbers pitted their wits to identify any of the more than 1,200 side effects of the inoculations they have been administering for the last two and a half years. The game was abandoned when no answers were forthcoming.

Disco

Nurses from around the country reprised some of their iconic TikTok dance routines which caused such hilarity when they were overwhelmed during the ‘pandemic’.

Treasure Map

In this game for patients, an appointment letter for their much-delayed treatment was buried under a mound of unusable Personal Protection Equipment. No clues were given as to the location of the letter and other partygoers gleefully watched as the patients scrambled to find the ‘treasure’.

Heart Attack

A card game similar to Snap. Patients who drew the myocarditis card were eliminated from the game, never to return.

Blind Man’s Bluff

Patients with glaucoma or macular degeneration were promised treatment but placed on a waiting list. However, they were not seen and cannot see.

Sleeping Lions

Patients in need of urgent care were placed on trolleys around the room. They were asked not to move and to stay silent. The party continued in another room and the patients were left to their own devices.

Twister

A game where everyone was amused by the contortions of ministers and attendees from Sage as they sought to justify the effectiveness of Covid-19 jabs and face masks.

Hide and Seek

In this old favourite, patients were tasked with finding their family doctor. As an added complication they first had to seek clues from their doctor’s receptionist.

The party goers dispersed in panic when one of the patients was found to have not had his Covid booster. 

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John Ellwood
John Ellwood
John is the father of four beautiful girls. He is, thankfully, not knowingly related to Tobias Ellwood. ‘My Dear Friends . . . ’ a compilation of many of John’s contributions to TCW Defending Freedom is available in paperback and on Kindle.

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