Tuesday, December 1, 2020
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Rob Slane: No, the sky won’t fall down if you say goodbye to Brussels

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Once upon a time there was a little chick called Chicken Licken. One day as he was scratching about in the farmyard, he was hit on the head by Government EU Referendum Propaganda.

“Oh no,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down. I must go and tell the Queen”.

On the way, Chicken Licken met the third little pig who was carrying bricks to build a house.

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” asked the third little pig.

“Oh third little pig,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down so I’m off to tell the Queen.”

“What’s that to me?” he said. “I’m going to build my house of bricks to escape the big bad wolf.”

“Oh third little pig,” replied Chicken Licken. “Never mind your house. If we pull out of the EU, you’ll be £4,300 worse off every year, and you’ll probably lose your job, so what will your house matter?”

“Oh dear, I hadn’t realised that,” said the frightened little pig. “In that case I’d better come too.”

And so Chicken Licken and the third little pig hurried off to tell the Queen. On the way Chicken Licken and the third little pig met the three billy goats gruff.

“Where are you both going to in such a hurry?” they asked.

“Oh billy goats gruff,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down so we’re off to tell the Queen.”

“What’s that to us?” they said. “We’re going to cross the bridge so we can eat the sweet grass in the meadow.”

“Oh billy goats gruff,” replied Chicken Licken. “Never mind crossing the bridge. If we pull out of the EU, Britain’s GDP will fall by 6.2 per cent over the next 15 years, and so there won’t be any money left to build new bridges or repair existing ones. And there probably won’t be any grass either.”

“Oh dear, we hadn’t realised,” said the frightened billy goats. “In that case we’d better come too.”

And so Chicken Licken, the third little pig and the three billy goats gruff hurried off to tell the Queen. On the way Chicken Licken, the third little pig and the three billy goats gruff met Jack.

“Where are you all going in such a hurry?” he asked.

“Oh Jack,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down so we’re off to tell the Queen.”

“What’s that to me?” he said. “I’m off to trade in my cow for some magic beans.”

“Oh Jack,” replied Chicken Licken. “Never mind trading in your cow. If we pull out of the EU, nobody will be able to sell their cows or beans or anything else anymore as we shall be utterly isolated like North Korea and unable to trade with anyone.”

“Oh dear, I hadn’t realised,” said a frightened looking Jack. “In that case I’d better come too.”

And so Chicken Licken, the third little pig, the three billy goats gruff and Jack all hurried off to tell the Queen. On the way Chicken Licken, the third little pig, the three billy goats gruff and Jack met Humpty Dumpty.

“Where are you all going in such a hurry,” asked Humpty Dumpty.

“Oh Humpty Dumpty,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down so we’re off to tell the Queen.”

“What’s that to me,” said Humpty Dumpty. “I’m going to fall off this wall and see if all the Queen’s horses and all the Queen’s men can come and put me together again.”

“Oh Humpty Dumpty,” replied Chicken Licken. “Never mind waiting for that. If we pull out of the EU, all the Queen’s horses and all the Queen’s men won’t even be able to defend us against the threat of terrorism or guarantee our security. Only the EU can do that.”

“Oh dear, I hadn’t realised,” said the frightened Humpty Dumpty. “In that case I’d better come too.”

And so Chicken Licken, the third little pig, the three billy goats gruff, Jack and Humpty Dumpty all hurried off to tell the Queen. On the way Chicken Licken, the third little pig, the three billy goats gruff, Jack and Humpty Dumpty met Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten.

“Where are you all going in such a hurry?” they asked.

“Oh Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down so we’re off to tell the Queen.”

“What’s that to us,” said Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten. “We just want to play together.”

“Oh Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten,” replied Chicken Licken. “Never mind playing together. Nicky Morgan says that if we pull out of the EU it will be the young like you who will suffer the most. She says you risk becoming a lost generation. And you might not have access to the internet. Not to mention low cost airlines. Only the EU can give you those things.”

“Oh dear, we hadn’t realised,” said the frightened Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten. “In that case we’d better come too.”

And so Chicken Licken, the third little pig, the three billy goats gruff, Jack, Humpty Dumpty, and Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten all hurried off to tell the Queen. On the way Chicken Licken, the third little pig, the three billy goats gruff, Jack, Humpty Dumpty, Moppet, Mittens and Tom Kitten met the Prime Minister.

“Where are you all going in such a hurry?” he asked.

“Oh Mr Cameron,” cried Chicken Licken. “If we vote for sovereignty and independence the sky will fall down and so we’re off to tell the Queen.”

“That sounds familiar,” replied Mr Cameron, “Did I write that?”

“Oh, Mr Cameron,” replied Chicken Licken. “Never mind who wrote it. If we pull out of the EU wages will fall, jobs will go, GDP will collapse, we’ll be isolated, no-one will want to trade with us, terrorists will roam the country at will, and EasyJet won’t want to fly here anymore. Oh, and the sky will fall down.”

“Yes, I think I did write that,” said Mr Cameron. “I think you’d better come with me.”

But Mr Cameron didn’t lead them to the Queen (not that it mattered since she apparently wasn’t allowed to let her views be known on the future of her nation). Instead he continued to frighten them with scary stories of what would happen if they gave up their vassal status, hoping they would never find out that the sky doesn’t really fall down in independent, sovereign countries.

 

(Image: Sebastien Bertrand)

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Rob Slanehttp://www.theblogmire.com
Rob writes for a number of organisations on a wide array of subjects from a Christian/conservative perspective and blogs regularly at www.theblogmire.com

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