Monday, April 22, 2024
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Season’s streetings


UNDER the latest lockdown rules, three households will be able to mix indoors or outdoors by forming a ‘bubble’ over the festive period. 

But one expert believes we’d be better off shunning our homes and celebrating Christmas in the street to avoid the possibility of infection from close-up gatherings

Professor Susan Michie, of the Independent Sage group of scientists and member of the Communist Party, suggests people could meet at the kerbside, bringing their own drinks and festive treats such as mince pies. ‘The outside is so much safer than indoors,’ she said.  

On her own plans for Christmas, she told the Guardian: ‘With one household who usually joins us for Christmas Day, we are planning to have drinks on the pavement before lunch.’  

So let’s for the moment ignore the fact that it’s rather bleak al fresco in the British midwinter and look at some Christmas fun and games you could enjoy in the street . . .  

I-Spy: Peep through windows to check if families are flouting the lockdown rules.  

Dodgems: Jump out of the way of kids whizzing along the pavement on scooters, bikes and skateboards.  

Pass the parcel: Try to find out who the wrongly-addressed package that was dumped on your doorstep really belongs to.  

Poo sticks: Carry one of these to point out doggy doo-doo on the pavement to your unwary companions.  

Statues: Choose one person to play Bristol-based slave trader Edward Colston and pull him over with ropes.  

Blowing bubbles: Report your neighbour for having more than three households in a festive get-together.  

Chinese whispers: If you don’t like the turkey on offer, speak quietly into your mobile and order Szechuan pork with soy sauce from the nearest takeaway.  

Pot luck: See who can spot the most potholes in the road.  

Hopscotch: Try to take a nip of whisky from a hip flask while jumping around on one leg.  

Tikka chance on me: Identify the variety of curry from the smell that’s wafting down the street from the Indian restaurant.  

Treasure hunt: Put a piece of chewing gum on the end of a stick and try to retrieve coins that have been dropped down grids.  

Pub quiz: Huddle in the doorway of your closed-down local as the rain lashes down and ask: ‘What the hell are we doing outside in this weather?’  

Community carols: Pretend a street light is the star of Bethlehem and gather round it to sing Once in Royal Covid’s CityGod Test Ye Merry, Gentlemen and We Wish You a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Tier.  

Shiver and shake: Check with a thermometer to see who reaches the lowest temperature before hypothermia sets in.  

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Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan
Weaver Sheridan is a wannabe best-selling novelist, one of his efforts being the Fifties Franny series, available on Amazon Kindle books.

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